<Moving the thread from FMA Fanworks section front to FMA Fanfics sub-forum. 03/07/07 ~Tombow>


i got bored one day so i started writing randomly and this was the result...i think its pretty good actually....my friend is making a melody for it.

Burning with Regret

The Fear, the pain, confusion,
i had seen it all.
everything was there that day
i watched my brother fall.

(chorus)
The day she died,
that night we cried,
but tears wont do no good.
we have to try,
lets take the risk,
just like our father would.

His life was just beginning,
when it came to its end,
that fateful night i lost him,
my brother, my best friend.

(chorus)
The day she died,
that night we cried,
but tears wont do no good.
we have to try,
lets take the risk,
just like our father would.

(2nd chorus)
His tears, His cry
our pain,
these things i wont forget.
my brother,
why did i do it?
Im burning with regret!

I was an ignorant fool,
but no longer will i be.
i promise you,
i swear to you,
your soul will be set free.

(chorus)
though she died,
i'll no longer try
that risk i forced you to take.
had i known
youd be the cost,
i'd not made that mistake.

Tell me once again.
how can you forgive
your ignorant, foolish brother
who took your chance to love and live?

God knows what i was thinking
when this came to mind.
I never should have done it...
why was i so blind?

(chorus)
His tears, His cry
our pain,
these things i wont forget.
my brother,
why did i do it?
Im burning with regret!

That's really good.You should sing it.

BTW, welcome to fullmetal-alchemist.com.

thank you! and i already have someone working on a melody for me...im letting her use it...she's got a band goin and is gonna record it for me when she has it down

Sorry, but that's just really stereotypical 15-year-old, suburban white girl, angsty bullshit. It sounds like you slapped together verses from various Linkin Park/Evanescence songs and called them your own. I wish I had 4 arms so I could give this 'song' 4 thumbs down.

Oh and by the way, crap like this goes in fanworks.

Geez... well, that was mean! If you're so mature then why don't you offer some constructive criticism!

I just did. It was really generic, and shallow, and you could tell it was written by a 15-year-old suburban white girl who listens to Linkin Park.

You mean Stinkin Park. That's what you always call it.

Can't really support the Stinkin Park part. I don't listen to them.

@ Void - I have to agree with Kittygirl, it was mean. What use are words like 'bullshit' or 'thumbs down' for her? That's not helping her to improve. I can't judge one the Evanescence/Linkin Park comparison, I don't listen to that.

Anyway, the sentences are very short, which makes it less interesting and the lyrics aren't going very deep. Let's just say it stays a little on the surface the entire song.

There are some things I don't understand:
Why does it say 'like our father would'? It's from Ed's point of view, right? I don't think he'd ever say something like: 'I'll do it just like my father would've done it.'
And I think you should leave out God, because Alchemists don't believe in any Gods.

One, maybe two years ago I had to write a song for school, and I can tell you, yours is better than mine!

I think that some people arent being very nice. yes, 90% of AMV's of Fma are made from linkin park songs, but that doesnt mean they arent good. and MATURITY IS NOT BASED ON THE TYPE OF MUSIC YOULISTEN TO. the most mature old man you know could go home and listen to the barney theme song, parading themselfs around the room in joy.

You don't become a good lyricist because someone gives you constructive criticism. It comes with age, experience, and understanding how to write a certain way. Most people never become good lyricists. I've been struggling writing lyrics for my band for years to little avail, and I'll be damned if some pubescent ignoramus is gonna come along and publish whatever drivel comes to mind just because she wants to contribute something to the fandom.

Yes, I'm bitter.

Bacon, I understand your artistic frustration, however your flaming was ill placed on several levels.

Especially in calling your behavior constructive criticism. That was just-plain criticism, and quite rude criticism at that. There was nothing constructive about it. There is a profound difference between those two terms.

Good Work

Cold, Void...oh so very cold...i dont plagerize thank you very much, nor am i some suburban white hick! im f***in latin and proud of it!

Songs kinda dull and repetitive. Theres no real depth or anything to hold the listener. You can't even tell it's about FMA in anyway.



No one said you did. One person said your song reminded them of Likin Park.

Good on ya!!!
I thought your song was really good!!

Void-

To be honest, I'm not sure how you became a mod to start with. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pay members SOME form of respect.

I thought it could use some improvement. Longer verses, replace "no more" with better grammer, but that's about it. It's the effort that counts.

Sorry but I have to say something here;
Why do people feel that the world in obliged to respect them no metter how thick, whinny or moronic they are. Last time I checked you had to earn respect otherwise it means nothing. It's not even hard to earn respect and still people won't even try. FFS!

I completly, and totally agree with you...

If you are NOT a moderater.

I don't see why anyone should go cursing out, and putting down their members, no matter what. A mod, in my eyes, should be polite, or at least more polite then what I've seen. Members will just want to avoid the forum, and chasing people away is the oppiste(sp?) of a mod's job.


Just my opinion.

Welcome to freespeech. I agree that Void could conduct himself in a more polite way but it's down to him and nagging will only enforce his stance.



Who are we to say how other should conduct themselves? He doesn't delete posts that disagree his view, he lets you defend yourself and he doesn't abuse his mod powers like other Mods I've encountered on other forums.
If it's up to anyone then it's up to the Admin if Void is acting inappropriate.



The members that incur Voids wrath should take it on the chin and deal with it. From what I've seen Void only goes for those he feel are deserving of his evilness. Sometimes he acts like an ass but thats life. Any member who can't deal/cope with someone like Void really shouldn't be on the net anyway should they?

I see you agree with me somewhat.

Thank you very much for not flaming me, and for taking my opinion into mind.

I agree with you, as well. Good point.

yea that is great it could even be a peom it's nice i wish u could sing it for us

Um, excuse me but... Why are being so mean to her? I don't really see your point in those words.
Did you wake up at the other side of the bed or is it either you don't like Linkin park or your'e a hard core fan and you don't want her "plagiarizing" it.



I think your song was nice too. Don't mind them.