=.= Erm, okay. So I noticed that Hawkeye_Chuui (Hagane no Tokage, here) translated the Envy 20 Love Themes, and I was all like, "I could do that!" So I started crappy drabbles. Erm. Yay.

I was really quite fascinated by the prospects that each theme implied, and the more I dwelled on the symbolism of each single word or phrase that encompassed the theme, the more it made sense and became a more or less a chronological saga of the development of the monster called Envy, from angsty vulnerability up to the downright frigid bastard we all know and love.

An issue that was brought up by someone else, is that the idea of making 20 Envy "Love" themes is a total oxymoron, considering just who and what he is. I doubt that's true, but I'm not sure I could really illustrate my backwards reasoning on the subject without employing some really stupid 'hate is love' cliche. I don't think it's possible that Envy was the nasty little man-b*tch he is for all his 400 years of existence; it would wear him out. He was probably ignorant, vulnerable, needy and dependent before his slow growth into malice and sadism. At least that's how I see it. And he grows that way, whether he likes it or not, through many subtle kinds of love (or lack thereof). There are so many relationships he could have experienced in his long existence; Familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, comraderie, rivalry, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, all which deal with some form of more-or-less love and semi human emotion.

Anywho... dang. That wasn't supposed to be a long author's note. *headwall* Five themes done so far. I bring thee the first theme.

All themedrabbles so far are PG, and General (for now... possible shippiness later, but we'll see...) SPOILERS! Anime!Envy, coz he's just more fun to angst with.




In a way, Envy considered a door to be much more of a father to him that Hoenheim of Light ever was. He loved and hated the Gate, just as most of those who knew of it did; not understanding it, but fearing it's power; hating the existence it had given him, but being terrified of the very concept of not existing at all. The Gate had taken the alchemist's offer, arranging human components with the hands of it's millions of tiny collectively minded creatures, and spit out the sick caricature of a living thing, every gateling grinning as though it were some great joke.

The thing that became Envy couldn't think straight for it's first moments of non-life, in the midst of the pain of birth and the searing sillhouettes of memories that could never truly belong to him. Pain was all he could feel, as the horrified human backed away and ran from the sight of the abomination he had made.

Loss...

The sound of a door closing was all he could hear; another memory seared into his tortured and unstable mind. That door closed a valve in what would have been his heart, had fate been more generous, and allowed another small passageway to creak open, the trickle that grew into a torrent.

The sad creature could only resolve to hate. Losing love was more painful than being slammed inside the closing doors.

Ah Toby! I love your writing! You make me feel even sadder for Envy now (And I have the feeling it is just the beggining)! That's what I love about drabbles, it's short but it is hard to write a good one... (Believe me, I know what I'm saying V_V;) You're doing a great job Toby! I can't wait to read the next one (And to see the future pairings if any )!

Allow me a moment to find a word suitable for this peice of...well to me it's art. I could feel it, see it. I actaully held my breath through the last half. I can't wait to read the next one!

@Lux- Erm, you'll see a pairing around theme 9 ... >.>... anything else is subtext.
@Theothersin- Ha ha. When you said 'this piece of-...', I had automatically prepared myself for the worst of outcomes for that sentence. XD I have such low self esteem. I need to go raise it somehow.

Ah, little warning about my strange habits of mischaracterization; Like I said before, Envy begins this series as a relatively helpless, needy, whiny emo uke. I am perfectly aware that dosen't suit him, and he does develop out of it. Another note, is that for some reason, I always end up characterizing Dante as an alchoholic white-trash ho-face mummy. Sorry for that. >.>;;

Theme Two

漆黒 [shikkoku] • pitch black

It could have been broad daylight, for all the oozing pile of newborn homunculus could tell, but with his lack of eyes in this bizarrely backwards primordial state, everything was pitch black. His first sensation, was an assault to it's exposed nerves, in reality, a soft touch from Mother's hand. Her gentle murmur first hit his inverted eardrums as a tearing force, but he eventually dulled out the pain of her hand upon his blood slicked skin, the prick of a needle that forced the molten shard of philosopher's stone into his mismatched veins, and the hurt became bearable enough that he could hear her coo and whisper softly to him.

"You poor thing. You poor pathetic, sad little thing. He left you, didn't you? He left us both, didn't he?"

The pseudo human only coughed and sputtered, as it recoiled, the elixir sending a shockwave of pain and healing sting through the backwards body's system.

"Father left us all alone, didn't he?" She repeated, past any disgust for the convulsing corpse before her, "We'll have to keep living. Make him pay for it."

The creature that became Envy, had his eyes not been hollow orbs of useless flesh at the time, would have cried in relief that he was not alone in this world. It was only this searing memory of solitary comfort that kept him by his mother's side, inseparably.

Theme 3
抑えられない感情 [osaerarenai kanjyou] • unsuppressable feelings

Even as the years, decades, centuries passed and Dante threw herself into study and obsessive searching, Envy could not help but look upon her with unsuppressible desperate need; perhaps the primitive core necessity inborn within living creatures to attatch to the mother figure. In spite of his growing power, excessively surprising intellect, he couldn't seem to convince himself to see the truth, that she didn't need him. Even when she shrieked it, spat it, spelled it out in her rare but deadly drunken rages, that he was worthless, a dog, not worthy of being called her son, he could never make himself believe that she truly hated him; for if Mother of all people had rejected him, then he had nobody left.

Lufa! That was great Toby! Your writing always makes me feel and see the story... or I could finially be going off the deep end...lets go with the good author choice.


I'm not always a horribly mean critic! Heck, I'm not even that mean...more of truthful of my opion and horribly blunt. I don't think I've read something from you that I thought was worth being overly...critical over anyway.

I'll wait patiently for the next theme!

EDIT: I thought I got over that habit...translation: Lufa- A cry of happiness.