Hi all,

Inspired by some posts in the Open Chat, I decided to write up a list of Forum Member definitions. Thanks to Mini for feedback.

If you feel offended, don't. This is not serious, just something to make the board members giggle.

Feel free to add new ones if I missed any!

BOARD MEMBER BESTIARY

Fangirl (lat. Virgo Obsessivus Horriblis): Violent and dangerous sub-species of Homo Sapiens. Known for their cute and charming appearance which they use to lure unsuspecting victims to a close vicinity. Once within striking distance, the fangirl will assault the target (most often unsuspecting male) with variety of attacks including foils, kicks to vulnerable parts of the body, and Ninjitsu weaponry. Often these attacks are fatal, and in US alone several thousand people lost their lives to Fangirl attacks.

Fangirls can be recognized by their distinctive coloring (such as anime T-shirts, plush toys and themed bags) and their mating calls (such as Ee-dooo! Eeeeeeeeeee-dooooooooo!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-doooooooooooooo!!!). Otherwise they have surprisingly similar appearance to human females. Not to be confused with Fanboys (lat. Fragilis Puer Obsessivus), that resemble human adolescent males.

Approach with extreme caution, preferably with an offering of a Japanese Manga or Anime to appease their violent nature. Fangirls can then be observed in their natural habitat as they happily settle down to enjoy the offering.

Fangirls are able to survive even in harshest climates and ecosystems, and they have spread across the globe. Largest concentrations can be found in urban areas of North America and Japan.

Fanboy (lat. Fragilis Puer Obsessivus): Another subspecies of Homo Sapiens, Fanboys are considerably less dangerous than Fangirls.

Fanboy eyesight is often poor, and to avoid their many natural enemies (such as Bullycus Brutalus) they tend to stay in their lairs that are called “rooms”. They can be attracted out of their hiding places by pretty girls and their objects of obsession such as Anime and Manga.

Fanboy diet seems to have two variants: either extremely nutrient-poor or calorie-rich, which explains the two prevalent body types of the Fanboy, namely emaciated and corpulent.

Fanboys can be easily upset by ridiculing their choice subject of obsession, and have been known to attack people. However, due to their physical frailty they do not pose danger to humans, and even girls as young as 3 have been know to fend off Fanboys with ease.

As with Fangirls, their main language is Bakkanese which is a mixture of English and Japanese that they have picked up watching anime even though they really have no idea what the context of the Japanese they are using is. Fanboys and Fangirls alike hoard small plastic figures of their favorite anime or game crushes. They can often be observed wearing them dangling off purses and cellular phones whenever possible like some kind of trophy.

Fangirls usually attack Fanboys on sight, and the results are commonly fatal.

Moderator (lat. Ocissorus Grammaticus Odious): This rare and curious species can recognized by the status markings next to their avatars. Moderators are generally cherised by Board Members, who feed them with finely crafted posts which the moderators enjoy. They are often referred to with their affectionate nickname “Mods”.

Moderators natural habitat is the Internet where they prowl boards in search of grammatical and spelling mistakes which they consume voraciously for nutrition and replace them with correctly structured sentences.

Moderators natural life cycles are disrupted by spelling mistakes, double-postings, multiple accounts and signature artwork theft. Enraged Moderators can be dangerous and attack their enemies with bans and warnings. That can cause permanent Internet disabilities. Despite this “Mod-baiting” is a popular past time of many n00bs and has led into many violent clashes in recent years.

Moderators need surprisingly little sleep and are active both during day and night.

N00b (lat. Idioticus Maximus Inhonestus): A widely-spread pest that infests Internet boards. Appears in worryingly large numbers, and seems to breed uncontrollably. N00bs are natural enemies of Moderators. N00b numbers are on the rise, and threaten the native wildlife of the boards.

N00bs builds Party Houses where they live with other N00bs. N00bs have low to no intelligence, and they exhibit random behavior that has puzzled scientists for years. (NOTE: Some non-N00bs live in Party Houses as well, and should not be confused with N00bs).

Noobs have their own language that is closely related to English, but is mostly incomprehensible to other species due its atrocious grammar and spelling.

Board Member (lat. Placidus Civis Canonus): Most common species of FMA boards after n00bs. Unlike any other known species, they form family ties based on elaborate pairing system that has nothing to do with biological relation. Multiple sisters and brothers are common, and unlike Homo Sapiens, these relations are proudly advertised to others.

Vast majority of Board Members seem to be unable to communicate, and never take part in any discussions. The rare individuals that can write sentences form the social network of the board.

Most pairings are heterosexual, but some Aquatic and sus genus variants (such as Carassius Suratus and Sus Baconus Domesticus) seem to be attracted to the members of the same gender.

Female Board Members outnumber the males by considerable margin.

I like that. The definition of moderator, especially, because I'm a moderator on a different forum, and that sounds so much like me.

Hahahah, kinda funnie with the whole fangirls more dangerous than fanboys

All of that is so Slash

And that's exactly like my fangirl friends!

Very true Maybe that's why Slash and I can't get along.


Hey, who are you talking about?

Hehe, very funny. Espically the part with fangirls being more dangerous than fanboys.

Check out the internet for Carassius Suratus, the other one you should be able to guess! They certainly caused a scene a while back.

Either hamsters or Goldfish...

*bursts out laughing* That's the best. It actually made me laugh out loud.

Heeheh. X3 Very well done.

As requested, and here is an individual Bestiary entry. Mini, please give me some time to do yours.

Elderberry (lat. Virgo Saevio Gladio): Commonly called EKE, this mainly female species is closely related to Forum Memebers. To this date, only one young individual is known to exist. Due to the rarity of this species, it has been featured in newspapers. EKE is greatly loved by Forum Members, who get excited when photographic evidence of EKE is presented on the board.

Values politeness very highly and often communicates in Japanese.

EKE can be easily recognized by the foil that it carries everywhere. Has been know to attack N00bs and Fanboys with its choice of weapon, but should not be confused with a Fangirl.

There are reliable reports of EKE sightings in areas of Urban school areas in New Jersey, despite the apparent dislike of some areas there. Has been known to spontaneously pop confetti at Board Members.

Seems to enjoy sleeping. Has distinctive song pattern that EKE-spotters learn to recognise quickly.


EDIT: Field researches have provided additional info, and the Definition was updated based on this.

...define me and you for got the handsome fanboys who tend to fend off the fangirls and can aso avoid them with ease

I don't know that any of those exist

i have seen them at my school <.< >.>
I am the quite in person but load on the net fanboy YAOI fanboy surfs the net looking for yaoi then randomly posting on forums <.< >.>

My Bestiary is strictly scientific and does not deal with imaginary creatures! Seriously though Dragon, I don't know you well enough.

<.<>.> I fend off fangirls with yaoi ^-^

By the way, I really like your Elderberry description. Very true.

yes it is
[img]http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y242/DragonAlchem/kuro.jpg[/img]
Admire the anthro you fangirls
*starts to drool at the pic*

Other way around.

If this is based on scientific observation, I will update the definition.

She loves to sleep I heard...

<.< >.>
*watches out for fangirls*
no one shall get my yaoi they may see it but not take it...along with my manga
*continues to watch for fangrils*

I've updated the definition, as several field research experts on EKE sent me reports.

I was hoping you would work Karoake into the definetion!

^-^ I should tell you this now but my friends are fangirls and well you know the rest ^-^

Ooh, Longsword, will you do one for me?

I've never observed EKE's Karaoke behavior in its natural habitat. Perhaps you'd care to write a research report if you have first-hand experience?

Looks like you're going to be getting lots of requests from people you barely know

Hey, others can write these too! I'll do any requests on people that I actually know. Otherwise the integrity of the study would be compromised.

i want someone to define me ^-^

Lucky I can do. I'll just do a bit of field research in the previous posts archives...

Very good I like.

However, I recomend putting in her fondness for karaoke and fencing.

Can't wait to read mine.

Bleh. Mine's bad. ><

Luckyalchemy27
(lat. Equus Obsessivus)

This rare specimen is an extremely unique species among the boards. Because of its hyperactivity it is known by many of the forumers, although some are cautious around it because of its eccentric nature. It is an obsessive creature, and once it becomes attached to something one will have quite a time getting it to quit. It is also an extremely emotional species, often bursting out crying or flying into a rage at the smallest things.

Is easily amused and has been known to burst out laughing at nearly nothing. It enjoys yelling very loudly and adding 'ness' to the end of words.

It is an avid animal-lover, and has a special fondness for horses. It has a strange attraction to yaoi fan fictions, and spends a lot of its time in its room, attempting to write them.

Has an extreme dislike of N00bs, but doesn’t hold a high enough rank in the harem to tell them off effectively.

Lucky is distinguishable by its short stature, messy ponytail, and glasses. It requires little to no sleep as long as it has a steady supply of coffee or soda pop. Lucky’s diet consists of mostly junk food.

Nonsense! It made me laugh. Better on detail than I ever could have done.

*Cheers Lucky*

funny.

Good job Lucky, that gave me a chuckle.



That's not true. n00bs are free to be hunted by everyone and anyone. You don't need a license 'round these parts.

REALLY?! *spazzes* *loads bullets into the gun* Heh heh heehhhh. Huntin' season! XD

Crikey! The Lucky is in attack mode! I'd hate to see the poor creature who gets in its way.

Very cool. It reminds me of a project I wanted to do a while back on various types of anime fans, but mine was less pseudo-scientific, and thus much less funny than yours.

Plus, I had hoped to do it as either a comic or a flash cartoon, but my comic skills suck, and I don't have flash. =__=

As promised, one more:

Envy’s lil’ Miniskirt (lat. Mulier Invidia circui): Long time believed to be part of the Forum Member genus, it was recently discovered that it forms its own species. Mulier Invidia does not breed in captivity (and exhibits very little tendency to multiply even in freedom) making the species critically endangered.

For some reason referred to as "Mini" by Forum Memebers even though taller than most females of that species. The reason for this is still unknown.

Mulier Invidia has been known to disguise its natural plumage with FMA-inspired costumes, especially when visiting Animecon habitats. This behavior is studied by field researchers and the photographs depicting these disguises are circulated in the forum where they generate intense debate.

Regularly engages in elaborate dance patterns, which are believed to be used to confuse possible parasites such as n00bs. Like most sentient species, Mulier Invidia exhibits aggressive behavior towards n00bs, and has been known to lock them up in dungeons.

Its current day habitat is unsuitable for long-time nesting, though its night habitat seems to suit it well. It lives in its night lair with several members of Felix Domesticus.

Usually a shy and quiet species despite her showiness. Though a peaceful species, when instigated she shows a ferocious temper and has been know to attack using martial arts and long, razor like talons. This can also include, but not limited, too firearms and knives.

Somewhat of a recluse, Mulier Invidia can be easily brought out of hiding when she hears an American muscle car roar by, this is irrisistable to the species.


EDIT: Updated the definition based ont the available new information.

There aren't rankings in a harem... a harem is a perverted anime show....

Oh Oh Oh

Do me do me!!!

And I loved the definitions so far Longsword!
*Claps

It's a deal. Now THIS should be fun. So much juicy material on the Monkey...

If you were planning on giving me a shot, all I can do is wish you luck

(Mental Note: I'd love to try writing a definition for my little deshi Foolmetal-kun, but I have no idea where to start...||)

*ahem* Since I'm a picky, annoying little brat, I thought I'd point out some little mistakes in the details of your definition.

...I am also fond of PVC Pipe-ishys...

*ahem* Watch where you're getting your sources from! >D Just because I have to shut down the computer at like 10:30~11:00 PM-ish on most nights doesn't mean I actually like sleeping! ...actually, I usually conduct more random buisness in my room and end up sleeping at 1~2 AM pretty often. It's not like I've never stayed up to 4 on this forum before. |||

...I have a "distinctive" song pattern? XD||

Eh....Ichigo has seen my karaoke randomness in person...I shall see if I can have her PM you with some more accurate details...

...perhaps you should also consider adding that I love terrorizing her for no clearly identifiable cause...(she is my 'primary punching bag' after all~ )

..eh...and one more note....what happened to the purple fleece-ishy?

le monkey (lat. Saimiri Levus Hagarenus): This active primate species is known for its happy personality and therefore is a popular pet. Mischevous and playful, Le Monkey likes to irritate some Board Members with its typing.

Sadly, illegal trade of le monkeys has recently become alarmingly common, for example a prominent Board Member Spark Alchemist was recently apprehended when she attempted to sell her pet le Monkey to Hentai smugglers, presumably meant for resale to voracious sus Baconus Domesticus for food. Other illegal uses of le monkeys involve making underground cross-species yaoi movies and n00b pit fights where large sums of money is wagered on the outcome.

Le Monkey’s natural habitat is the Spam central, where it joyously plays various games set up by kindly Moderators and Board Members.

Currently looking for a mate in the forums.

Monkey actually claims his "beloved" to be Spark Alchemist.


@EKE: I would love for you to do a definition of me!

*nods* yes, you have seem to neglect all this
but such behavior would be hard to note unless you were to observe her from the habitat of a nj suburban highschool. Or be the punching bag that she has referred too many times before.

to EKE: I think I'm going to try to put up that EKE & Ichigo-Discussion of Randomness somewhere on the forum sometime soon since I can't seem to get it to attach to an e-mail.

Very nice
If you don't mind, there's some things that should be included.



Well you would be hard pressed to find another like me that's for sure. Plus, I am one of a kind since I don't breed in captivity so that makes me extremely rare.



Intense debate?



You may want to add:

Usually a shy and quiet species despite her showiness. While she is a peaceful species. However, when instigated she shows a ferocious temper and has been know to attack using martial arts and long, razor like tallons. This can also include, but not limited, too firearms and knives.

Somewhat of a recluse, mini can be easily brought out of hiding when she hears an American muscle car roar by, this is irrisistable to the species.

I love your definition Mini and especially your add-on! I learned a lot actually

Ah, but you seem to have overlooked the report on illegal le monkey trade...

Mini, ah field research reports come in... I will update the Beastiary definitions.