Thanks alot guys for all your words. They really comfort me.
Really they do.
Well, my brother called her later when we were home because I realized I forgot the camera dad gave me for grad there, and he wanted her to have it along with a shirt of his to pick up today at her work. Apparently she says she's sorry about everything she's said and feels awful about it. She wouldn't talk to me directly tho, because she didn't think I wanted to talk to her, and honestly, I don't.
It's nice and all that she's sorry, but that really doesn't change anything. She said alot of ..... A WHOLE LOT of hurtful ..... And this wasn't the first time. This was just the worst. She has a crapload of issues she refuses to accept and seek help for and that's costing her. She's unable to trust anyone, not even her own kids, and has a paranoia when it comes to me and my brother. She always says stuff like "Oh I bet you guys tell bad stories about me to your dad" and "You hate me, don't you?" and we assure her we don't and that we love her, but obviously she doesn't believe us. Otherwise she wouldn't have jumped to such conclusions and said the things she did. "Not your daughter anymore" mom? Never want to see me again? For crying out f*!@in' loud.
It doesn't matter how sorry she is. The fact is, SHE SAID IT. The pain and damage's been done. No matter how sorry she is the pain she caused me isn't just gonna up and disappear.
I'm sick of this abuse she puts me through. Bloody sick of it. She's gonna have to learn the consequences of what she says, cause she's never realized them before. There's only one person turning me against you mum, and it's not dad.
So I'm not going to talk to her for a while. I don't care. I'll be better off if I can get away from this .... for a while.
Also something she said; apparently I'm selfish for not wanting to take up a student loan. This just shows how much my mother knows the world. Let's examine some points for a moment
*My mother dropped out in grade 12. She has no idea how student loans work or how pricey they get. She has no idea what it's like to be out of school and then having to pay off these loans when you're trying to get started in the working world with your desired career path.
*Now, I don't know personally what it's like either, but I know people who DO. My scoial studies teacher in grade 11 told us that if we could, AVOID STUDENT LOANS. He told us if we have some other way of paying for education DO it, and only resort to student loans if we absolutely have to. He's still paying off his. My dad's girlfriend also went back to school on a student loan and right now she's paying up to $500 a month to pay it off.
*Mom doesn't seem to realize how hard I may have it getting out of university. As I'm getting a BA in English, there's not much I can do immediately getting out of school. It takes a long time to break into the fields I want to get into. I doubt I'll be able to afford paying off student loans for a long time.
*she's also pissed because I "make the same amount she does". Well, just because my wage is the same doesn't mean I make the same. I only work for TWO MONTHS. TWO MONTHS. Two months that have to pay for my food, toiletries, clothing, phone minutes, and whatever else for a whole YEAR.
My dad told me not to worry about my education, that he would get it all covered. And I'm not going to worry about it. Cost is the last thing on my mind right now.
But man, no matter how tough I have it what with my mom and all, I don't have it as tough as my next door neighbor. Her husband just died in a quad accident on Sunday, and they've only been married since April
I feel so horrible for her, they were such a young couple too, only in their 20's, and they seemed so nice. Just thinking about her situation makes me tear up.