QUOTE(Envy @ Dec 4 2006, 03:17 PM) [snapback]480921[/snapback]
You get along with us just fine Toby, what happened?
You say that as if internet has effective consequence on social skills.
It's not an emo thing really; I simply have been pondering on the subject rather neutrally for a while. I don't think I get along on an involved or comfortable level with many people. The novelist's party reminded me of that. It is probably just a me thing that needs practice...
With groups of people, I can be friendly, but very rarely feel I belong. We could all share interests, spend time together, behave similarly, but I now realize that for a long time in such situations, I have felt very much outside of things, no matter how involved I am in them. Even in drama, where I spent so much time with everyone; shared in-jokes, goofed off, worked hard, had many friends, was very popular- I was so involved, and yet I felt so separated from the 'group'. Though I knew I was one of them, I wasn't... properly 'one of them'. It might just be my delusion. I have a tendency to think very little of myself and not realize I'm being noticed by others until it bites me in the face. I won awards and never noticed; I was talked about and never heard of it, so maybe I really was as deeply involved with them as I possibly could have been, and I just never noticed because I live in my own world.
So, I generally float by, with things like my classes, my activities, groups, clubs, with the sentiment that I'm of no particular consequence, even when I believe or know
otherwise. Even in social groups like the forums here, It takes a long time, if ever, for me to feel I am noticeable at all, or part of the group. I can sometimes connect with individuals, but hardly ever identify as a part of a group.
I'm separate from people. Not above or below; just separate. Not physically, socially. Just emotionally. Everyone says they feel that sometimes, but I wonder if my feelings of relative isolation are any different.