QUOTE(Toby-Chan @ Sep 29 2005, 08:50 PM) [snapback]294340[/snapback]
I've been losing a lot of pointless time in Drama, since I have a one-liner role, and I end up going to a lot of rehearsals where I'm not needed at all. I don't mind it much, really, but I mostly just have to twiddle away lots of time sitting in the theater, while my other friends rehearse. There are some newer kids who just sort of hang around the theater (Sort of... groupies/semi-crew assistants), who provide some company. (Such as the gropey girl I've mentioned before.) After spending some time with them, though, I think I don't love them very much, and it's hurting me because I feel judgemental, and being even vaguely exclusive is something I'm not at all used to. I don't dislike them, or anything, but I feel like there's not much there. From the beginning, I thought Daniella and I would become close friends, but I think it's turning out that both being touchy-feely is the only thing we really have in common. And as for the whole group, I just don't feel like can have a good long conversation there, and I feel my opinions going mushy with the atmosphere. Like, I wish I loved them, but some of the things they say and do make little sense to me at this point in my life. (Probably since they're all pretty young; though not looking it. They all appear older than myself.) I just feel a lot of... I hate myself for saying it, but, pretensiousness in the whole thing. They seem very much fixated on establishing their hardcoreness; Declaring that Korn = Best band evar, and high-fiving to those who agree, and whatnot. I flipped through oen girl's sketchbook, and it was filled with... really bad art, and even worse cliche'd poetry; I hate myself for even thinking it, and would never say it to her, but... it's true. I flip through there, and see the Anti-prep logo she drew with eyeshadow when she was pissed at her sister, and I feel... sad. It seems like such a tight knit group, though, that I feel bad for even mentally feeling like a disruption; maybe it is all genuine to them. I just don't know what to do for thinking such awful thoughts about it; they really do seem like good people, just... easily misguided.
Very long post there Toby-chan...
Yes, I'm in a play and it's a musical which I didn't get a big role in since I'm a terrible singer
. So I have about two lines and then we all sing in a group. I also feel like I'm losing valuable time sitting there.
Everyone thinks awful thoughts, I do... a lot. So I don't think you should feel bad for thinking those awful thoughts of yours, I think I may have thought worse.
I hate to be reviewing this like a fanfic but this was... very well written
(<----- doesn't know why she's even saying this)