QUOTE(zombie @ Sep 6 2005, 03:48 AM)
In World War Two, to stop the war the United States of America dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima and then on Nagasaki, I do not believe that using nuclear weapons was warranted (a good idea) to end World War Two. They dropped nuclear warheads on Hiroshima and Nagasaki to end the war. Truman’s reason was “it might save thousands of Americans lives.” Truman also believed that they needed to end the war quickly and without loss of American life. So they dropped two atomic bombs on Japan, just to end the war quickly.
I also believe that the damage was too great on the land, (all animal life was lost, all that was in the blast).
Not bad. What I suggest would be to take out the bolded sentences (or modify the contents a little, if you're really keen on keeping them) since they're a bit redundant. And watch out for the comma placements--some of them would do better as periods.
Do you plan on elaborating on the last point about the damage to the land in the body of your essay? If so, you could add a little more to this point, as it feels unbalanced in the attention you're giving it in the intro. If you bring "all animal...blast" out of the parentheses, it'll strengthen this sentence as well as the paragraph--end it with a stronger oomph, for lack of a better term.
Is this a persuasive essay? If it is, "I also believe" would be okay, only it turns this point into your opinion rather than a fact, and this also takes away the overall strength of your argument.
Well, there's my bit of input. Good luck on your essay, zombie
[edit: I just noticed...the two statements on Truman say virtually the same thing. Perhaps you can take one out or modify it so you can combine the quotation with his support for ending the war quickly.]
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