A/N- Hey everyone StrawberryShampoo here! Anyway this is my first ever fanfic.... WHoot. This fic is a crossover between real life and FMA. It stars my friends and I, and what happens when we all get sent to the FMA world. This is my first attempt at humor in anything so please don't get too mad at me if it sucks. I don't mind criticism unless you yell at me, I usually take most criticism well and try to apply it to my writings. Any way if you have any Questions about the story please feel free to PM me about. One thing you should know is that Legolas (from Lord of the rings) will pop up several times through out this fic. (He is a cardboard cut out in the story).
Disclamer- I don't own Full-metal Alchemist or any of it's characters. Nor do I own Legolas or The Lord of the Rings. I do however own a cardboard cutout of Legolas and I do own the character known as the squid the rest of the cast (who aren't from FMA or LotR) are real people.
“I got the potato chips!!!” Jessi yelled as she gracefully fell down the stairs of Jessica’s house.
“Low cal and low carb I hope” Lindsey replied from the other end of the room.
The seven of them (Tabby, Jessi, Jessica, Stephanie, Kasey, Lindsey, and Joey) had all gathered at Jessica’s house so that they could transmute certain guys from a various TV shows into their world by using several hundred bags of low cal/low carb potato chips, and Jessi and Lindsey’s ex-boy...whore... chris. Each one was doing their part in making sure that that night would be a success...well sort of. Jessi had fetched the chips, Jessica was fixing her makeup in the corner (really helpful I know), Tabby was reading a fanfic online, Joey was restraining the hostage (chris), Kasey was throwing poisonious darts at joe’s butt, and succeeding in hitting him there, and Lindsey and Stephanie were drawing an alchemic tray on the floor with a horrendous color of sharpie known as pink.
As the clock struck midnight the seven of them prepared for the ritual. Tabby slowly walked forward and sprinkled the potato chips over the symbol on the floor, and occasionally ate one or two of them.
“TABBY!!!” Tabby got a wwaaayyyy to innocent look on her face, “TABBY QUIT EATING THE MATERIAL!!!” Jessica screamed as she returned to her daily chore of ordering the others around. This time she was ordering Kasey and Joey to move the sacrifice (chris) to the center.
“In the book I read it said we should kill the sacrifice first..for... better results...of... course...heh...heh.” (A/–- we need a reason to kill him) Stephanie said as she looked over at Lindsey with a go-to-it look on her face.
Lindsey looked up cluelessly then got her homicidal, I’m-gonna-kill-ya, evil grin on her face as she looked at chris. Slowly she stood up and walked over to him. Jessi started laughing with joy since her stalker was about to be killed by Lindsey’s harpy-like nails. With one swift movement she slit his throat, then ran screaming about being diseased toward the bathroom.
“Should we help her?” asked Joey.
“No she’ll be fine after she finds the hand sanitizer...” said Kasey “...poor girl.”
“IT’S UNDER THE SINK, LINS!!!” Jessica yelled after Lindsey.
After several minuted of poking at chris’s dead, bloody corpse the group noticed that Lindsey had returned.
“Are we ready to start now, kiddies??” Tabby asked as she poked at chris’s ugly head.
“I think so.... everyone get in a circle, and place both hands on the outside ring of the tray.” Stephanie instructed.
“Yea, yea we know the drill we’ve done this before...” Kasey said rolling her eyes.
“Kasey! We don’t talk about last time, we pretend it didn’t happen, just like we pretend that the mutant squid that we transmuted isn’t really here...heh heh.” Jessi said nervously.
Meanwhile the giant purple mutant squid in the back of the room whips out one of it’s tentacles and knocks a lamp off of a stand... the lamp breaks as it hits the ground.
“Ear–earth-q earthquake... yea just an earthquake... that’s what caused the lamp to fall..heheh” Tabby said also looking nervous.
The whole group nodded in an agreement, and looked their own ways.
“Th-third one this week... that poor lamp... heh.” said Jessica.
“.....ANYWAYYYYY..... I’m gonna go over this again so that we don’t get another failed transmutation that results in a squid or Joey or.... uh.... the sacrifice.” Everyone shuddered as Stephanie reminded them of the time they transmuted chris. “So now we shut our eyes and concentrate...”
“RIGHT!” the group said in unison, as they slowly closed their eyes.
“TABBY! QUIT MEDITATING!!!” yelled Kasey.
Once again the group was silent and as they concentrated on their work a bright yellowish light began to emanate from the floor.
“It’s working...” whispered Jessi, mainly to herself.
Suddenly, the light turned a deep violet and fierce winds began to blow, the girls...and...uh.... Joey had come to know that color of light better than they had ever wanted to. It meant that something had gone wrong.
“It was the exchange it was equivalent! Chris wasn’t good enough...go figure!!” Joey yelled over the winds.
Shortly after the light changed color, a bright flash of light blinded them all.
CHAPTER @ (2)
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Tabby screamed causing them all to open their eyes for the first time since the flash.
To their horror they learned they were falling. Plummeting towards an ever closer ground. The whole group screamed in unison especially Joey who was screaming like a school girl on a roller coaster. The only ones who weren’t screaming were Tabby and Lindsey. Tabby had already stopped screaming and was just staring at the ground, and Lindsey was laughing...too hard to do anything else. With a loud thud they all hit the ground, except for Jessica who had been, by a stroke of luck, caught by a rather large man with a single clump of blonde hair on his head.
“Catching falling objects is a talent that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations.” the man said as he seemed to glimmer in the sun light, but the glimmer was actually a reflection of several hot pink crystals that had magically appeared around his head.
“HAHA!!! You all suck! I’m the greatest I have landed on my feet!! MuAhahahahha!!!” Tabby gloated as she realized that she had landed perfectly, however she had spoke to soon and with in seconds had fallen over and was now on the ground next to Stephanie.
As for the others... Joey had landed in a thorn bush, Kasey had landed on top of Joey, Stephanie was now sitting in a patch of wild flowers, Jessi had somehow managed to wedge herself between two tree branches, and Lindsey... well... Lindsey had fallen in a mud puddle.
“Just my luck...” Lindsey muddered as she attempted to climb out of the mud, she failed and fell back in.
“Owwww, my poor head....” Jessi complained as she more or less fell out of the tree. “...Where are we?”
“I have no idea... hey where’s Joey?” asked Kasey curiously.
“Ummm.... Kasey honey.... stand up.” Jessica commanded as she climbed down the tall man and onto the ground.
Kasey stood up and looked behind her, and saw Joey lying unconscious in the bush.
“Oops..” Kasey squeaked as she covered her mouth with her hands. “...my bad.”
“Come on, everyone let’s try to get our bearings...” Stephanie said as she gracefully stood up and dusted herself off. “Kasey, you and Jessi drag Joey away from the plant... and **sigh**... somebody help me fish Lindsey out of the mud...”
For the first time since landing everyone noticed Lindsey, who was still sitting in the mud with teary eyes. They all started laughing.
“**sniff sniff** I think I’m gonna cry...” Lindsey complained as Stephanie and Tabby hoisted her out of the mud, completely drenching their shirts in the process. After several minutes of helping everyone regain sanity, their balance, and consciousness the group began looking around. Eventually, their eyes fell upon the man who had caught Jessica. The seven of them stared at him with menacing wolf’s eyes.
“Ummm....ye-yes..um.... hello my name is.... ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG!!!” The man said while flexing his muscles in an attempt to impress the group... it didn’t work. “Ummm... well... seeing as how your new to the area I, Alex Louis Armstrong shall escort you to Central.”
“Central?” Stephanie said blandly while raising an eyebrow.
“Yes!” Armstrong responded with an unsettled hint in his voice.
“You don’t even know us and yet..... you’d take us to this...this...Central...?” Kasey said as if she was interrogating him.
Armstrong nodded his head, and then beamed at the group. The completely random crystals showed up again, and Tabby walked forward and poked one. The crystal instantly fell out of it’s orbit around Armstrong’s head and shattered as it hit the ground. Tabby’s eyes got wide and she began quickly poking ALL the crystals around Armstrong’s head then she began whistling as if nothing happened, and slowly, slinked away towards the back of the group. They all stared at her, and Joey shook his head in disgrace.
“Moron...” he whispered.
Suddenly Kasey’s hand came out of nowhere and smacked Joey upside the head.
“Shut up, Joey!” she threatened.
After Kasey and Joey’s little squabble the group followed Armstrong down a long and winding dusty road. They walked for hours and hours, and continued to walk long after the sun had set. Though the seven teens had a lot on their minds and too much energy they kept their mouths shut, each one of them was trying to figure out what the heck had happened to them, and where the heck they were.
“We’ll be almost to Central by morning..” Armstrong said breaking the silence at last.
“Can’t we take a cab?” asked Jessica, annoyed because she thought her feet would blister from all the walking.
“A cab? I’m sorry I do not own an automobile.” Armstrong replied.
“You don’t own a car? What kind of man are you?” Asked Tabby angrily.
“I don’t know where your from but not many people own vehicles in this area... Even in Central they are rare.” (A/– I’m just assuming this please don’t kill me, I needed something to put here.... besides...I’ve never really seen many vehicles in FMA, just a few.)
The groups discussion was suddenly cut short when a lightning bug landed on Jessi’s nose and she screamed. Everyone stopped and stared.
“Get it off!! Get it off!!!! It’s gonna eat me!!!!!” Jessi screamed.
Instinctively, Tabby walked over and swatted at it. She killed the bug and nearly broke Jessi’s nose. While Jessi was clenching her nose and cursing under her breath Tabby picked up the bug and moved it to her mouth.
“TABBY!!! what have I told you....? Put the bug down... we don’t eat bugs....” Jessica lectured. Tabby ignored her and lifted the bug to her mouth again. “TABBY!!! Do I have to bring out the newspaper again? Do I?”
Tabby whimpered, dropped the bug, and ran cowering behind Joey. Everyone else started walking again, except for Armstrong who continued to stare in disbelief. Slowly, he raised his left index finger and moved it from Jessica to Tabby and back to Jessica with a completely lost look on his face. Armstrong mumbled something about newspapers, potty training, and dogs, then sighed and shrugged, and then continued to walk after the group, still utterly confused.
After Armstrong caught up with the group he walked over to the one he thought to be the leader, and was about to ask about Tabby when Stephanie (the leader) spoke.
“She just won’t learn... god... we’ve tried everything... and only the newspaper seems to work in the slightest, but it’s only a matter of time before she gets immune to that. She’s like a child.... a very strange child.”
“What all have you... tried?’ Armstrong asked desperate for a conversation with a semi-normal person, even if the conversation itself wasn’t normal.
“Well,... first we tried time out, then we tried ignoring her, third we tried the squirt bottle, and now the newspaper.” Stephanie responded as if it was no big deal.
Armstrong halted... “Squirt bottle? That poor girl... no wonder she’s messed up!”
“She’s not messed up... just special.” Lindsey grinned as she walked past Armstrong.
Hours later the birds started chirping, then as the moon’s final ghastly rays disappeared over the horizon the sun began to warm the air. Still, the group trudged forward as if they were on some dire mission that needed to be completed. Occasionally a few of them (Tabby, Kasey, and Joey who had been forced to play along) would skip a ways down the road, then stop and wait for the others. Other than the random yawn or sneeze none of them spoke, by this time they were all tired and just wanted sleep. After about a half hour they saw the first signs of life (not including the huge spastic oaf that they had met when they arrived) in the mysterious world they were traveling in. After traveling through the town, they found themselves staring at a large building that was being guarded by several men who were wearing identical uniforms.
“Are you guys twinkies?” Tabby asked while pointing to the other two guys and looking at Armstrong’s matching outfit..
Armstrong looked a bit confused then turned his glance to Stephanie. “Twinkies?”
“She means twins.... or in this case triplets.” Stephanie said with a deep heaving sigh.
“...triplets....” Armstrong pondered, “...OOHHHH, our uniforms... no, no these are our uniforms. We all work here...”
“Oh...Okie dokie then!!” Tabby smiled cluelessly.
“She’s completely oblivious to what I’m talking about...right?” Armstrong whispered to Jessi.
“Not a clue...” Jessi responded.
“And mostly likely you won’t have any idea what she’s talking about.” added Joey.
“Just nodded your head and pretend that you know what she’s talking about.” chimed Jessica.
Slowly the group approached the two men standing guard at the front gate.
“HALT!!” they said in unison while putting there right hands out. “Who goes there...State your name, and purpose for visiting Central.”
“It’s OK Fuery, Breada (A/n-sp.?) they’re with me...” Armstrong said as he stepped ahead of the small union.
“Oh, Major Armstrong, welcome back sir! Colonel Mustang is awaiting you in his office.” said Fuery with a smile and a salute.
“I’ll open the gate sir. It will just be a minute.” Breada said as he walked off to the left.
“Waaaiiiiittttttt a minute “Major” I thought your name was Louise? And you guys have a horse as a colonel OH MY GOD! THAT’S SOOOO COOL!” beamed Tabby happily as she jumped up and down.
“Down girl... down!!” Kasey yelled as she picked up a stick, and threw it to the side. “Come on girl fetch the stick!!”
Tabby shook her butt like a feisty puppy and leaped away on all fours after the stick. They all watched her leap off, everyone present sighed except for Lindsey who muttered something about wanting a stick.
“So, now that Tabby is being entertained would you try explaining what the heck we’re doing here!!!” Joey yelled.
“Well... I figured that since you don’t seem to know where you are that we could get the military to help you get home, so I’ll have to ask you to follow me to the Colonel’s office.” Armstrong replied calmly.
Suddenly, Tabby returned with the stick in her mouth, and she sat on the ground beside Jessica and rubbed up against her like a cat. Furey walked and reached for the stick.
“I’ll just take this they really don’t like pets to be in Central...” Fuery laughed softly as he tried to take the stick from Tabby, Tabby growled menacingly at Fuery.
“Careful she bites...hard.” said Lindsey “...just ask Joey.”
Everyone looked at Joey, who in turn raised up his left pant leg only to reveal a set of bite marks on his calf. Fuery grimaced as he look at the wound. Suddenly, Jessi walked forward and pulled out a small cookie-like object.
“Good Girl Tabby.... Did you fetch the stick yes you did! I’ll trade you... the stick for a Tabby-snack.” Jessi coaxed... it worked and Tabby grabbed the cookie and began shoving it in her mouth while giving everyone a steal-my-cookie-and-die look.
Around that time the gate opened and Breda returned and apologized for the delay. Apparently the gate had been sticking lately. So with that the gang headed inside. They were all shocked at just how large Central was. They weren’t in there more than five minutes before Stephanie was run over by a young girl with glasses. The two of them fell to the ground, and the young girl dropped the huge stack of papers she was carrying.
“OH MY GOODNESS!! I’m so sorry, that was all my fault!” the young girl said as she frantically tried to pick up the papers. The group assisted her, and after all the papers had been picked up Armstrong spoke.
“Your still the same I see. It’s good to see you back on the job Scieszka.” Armstrong smiled, “So, tell me, is the Colonel in right now?”
“Yes sir, that was just where I was heading, I have a lot of paperwork for him here.”
“Well, why don’t you let us take the papers?” Armstrong smiled.
“Gee, thanks that’s a real help.” Scieszka said as she practically threw the papers at Stephanie.
After their little encounter with Scieszka the group didn’t waist anytime following Armstrong through the hallways of Central, eventually they came to a door on the third floor, and Armstrong knocked on it twice.
“Enter...” a man’s voice came from inside.
~And there you have it the first part of my fic....Love it? Hate it? Please let me know in a helpful way!~Strawberry