So, I hope you enjoy it. I'll do my best not to have it so gloomy over the following chapters so it really sounds like the real Full Metal Alchemist. ^^ Enjoy...@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
A person cannot gain something without sacrificing something. To obtain something you need something of equal value. This is a law of conservation in Alchemy.
Bullshit!
All childish nonsense they feed to all those naïve little heads when they bring up another student who wants to study alchemy! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!! How is the exchange of four years of wandering, suffering and helping others an offering to that stupid gate?! Why didn’t it take me?! I would’ve gladly given up on my life if surviving meant this!
“Err… So you’re positive you have no such parts around the whole shop?”
“Definitely, kid. Sorry I couldn’t be of any help.” The man behind the bench says dejectedly. Who has time to be dejected, and just—
“Who the hell are you calling a kid that’s so small they probably stole the money to be able to afford spare parts?!”
The old man pulls back and blinks stupidly at my outburst.
“I didn’t say that!” He defends.
“Yeah, right! Whatever! Good-bye! I hope we never see us again!!!” I slam the door after myself and storm off in an unknown direction, still fed up with the fact people call everyone younger than them kids! I’m not a goddamn kid! I’m turning eighteen soon!
Soon my anger submerges as I continue walking down the dusty countryside road, limping ever so slightly, like I always do… My eyes slowly dart up to the angry-looking summer sky with those rain clouds hanging gloomily, blocking the intense rays of the midsummer sun. Good. I hate the sun anyway… Makes me feel like my automail will rust anytime soon or that even if it’s already rusted I’ll see it.
Once I thought that if I get too high up in the sky, I’d be able to come closer to my world and that I’d be able to see Al one more time… Even though people refused to let a kid go in space, I still managed to get on board on a rocket… And then…
And then nothing happened! Nothing! All I saw was space! Empty space with glittering stupid stars, happily beaming at my way, as if mocking me for my foolishness, for believing my plan would ever work! I saw this huge blue ball, its cloudy areas forming into a mocking smile, taunting me for never growing out of my childish naivety! I thought I could cry right then and there! After so many months of trying, so much hard work, sleepless nights, negotiations, diplomacy and torment… nothing… Silence, empty space… That’s all I could see… I could scream, I could hit, I could kick… But that would’ve done me no good…
When I got back down on Earth, I heard that my father had passed away. It was a hard choice whether to attend or not to the funeral… We never really got any closer than we were before. But at least he could know that his elder son didn’t hate him at the end of it all…
I did visit the grave though… I went there and brought flowers with me. The old geezer… He didn’t ever give up after all…
Even so, I tried for many months to think of a way to get back to the gate and try to go back to my time, even though, again, I had nothing to offer in return. But even so, it only made me more determined to work hard, so the least I could say was that I tried my best.
My foot malfunctions in the same time and I barely keep my balance. I grab onto a wooden fence by the road to preserve from falling on my face, making a fool of myself. A painful sigh tears from my lungs and I look up to the sky again. Whenever I felt bad all these months, I’d look up to the sky, hoping I’d find an answer there… But it never holds any answers for aliens like me… It’s the same old blue sky, just the same as in the ancient times… Just the same as the one back home, where I was born… It holds no answers yet it strangely manages to soothe one’s burning soul and bring it to peace, lulling the passing stranger to sleep with all its twinkling stars at night.
It’s cloudy now, but had it not been, the sky would’ve been coloured in red and orange hues, as it’s already dusk…
I sigh again and throw myself over the fence, making my way over to the nearest tree in sight. Its head looks pretty big; it should be enough to cover me for the night.
I collapse down as it’s the fastest way to seat yourself around here and give my right arm a brief check. I understand none about automail, but I’ve been forced to get the basics as the others around here in this world are even more clueless than I am. I speak of terms they can’t even imagine when I wish to buy some spare parts for my aging mechanic limbs.
“Where the hell is that dirty mini hag when you need her around here?!” I burst out loud when the screw I’m trying to fasten refuses to give in. I search my pockets with my left hand only, still muttering obscenities when I do so. I feel something weird and take it out for inspection. My gaze suddenly softens when I realize what it is… “The… lubricating oil Winry gave me…” I murmur to myself, remembering what she said when she gave it to me…
“Here!” She shoved something in her palm in my face. It took me some time to focus it. Space too. “This is yours. Take care of your automail even when I’m not around.”
I forced myself to smile as I dubiously took the thing from her hand.
I smiled at the lubricating oil that looks so tiny in my left hand now… I have grown much over the almost-two-years that I spent in this world… My hand has grown longer and larger than my artificial one and my mechanical leg has become more of a nuisance than help as I have to limp very oddly if I walk naturally… I tried finding spare parts and mechanics to help me update my automail, but there were no such parts to find in this era and no mechanic had knowledge of the machinery attached to my body…
And so I had to look for an alternative, as the walking was both embarrassing (when among other people) and tiring (for my healthy huge leg…). I found some platform boots (I made some updates on the right one… I didn’t want to be taller anymore; I was tall enough for now! I just wanted to be evenly tall…) and some lifts for my left shoe. When I was buying them, as expected, I had eased my right leg (as it is quite tiring relying just on one leg to support your whole weight), standing in front of the bench. The lady behind it smiled oddly at me and seeing what’s on her mind without needing to be psychic to do so, I stood tall on my healthy limb. She didn’t say anything, while I stomped away after buying them (it was a really difficult action back then since all I had was slightly platform boots at the time… so embarrassing…).
So, all in all, I managed to make use of my artificial leg even without extending it in any way. The right hand, however, is a totally different topic… It is still quite shorter than my left one… And I can do nothing but hide that fact, always sticking my own hand in the pocket, leaving the right one outside. It sounds really pathetic… But I’m glad Winry made this automail so well! As I mentioned, it hasn’t rusted yet (or at least I know nothing about it…) and it still functions quite well!
Even so, I don’t want to think of the future any more… What am I going to do when I grow more and the automail becomes really useless and my left hand is more than ten centimeters longer than my right one?! The lifts aren’t going to last forever either… What ever am I going to do then… I can finally admit I lost the road I’ve been on for over a year… I lost my path and I doubt I’m going to follow it again even if I found it… I don't really have a future anymore… That's exactly what I meant when saying I don't want to continue this life… I have no one, there is no path to follow and… I feel so humiliated, being in such a state…
Thunder rumbles in the sky and it gets darker with each following second. A droplet lands on my nose, splattering a tiny amount of water in my eyes. I sneeze and curl under the tree, hoping my beloved red coat will keep me warm.
Winry… Did I take good care of my automail while you were gone, like you asked me to? I stare at the lubricating oil for the longest time, remembering what it was when I was back home, when we were all together… Mom, Al, Winry, me, granny Pinako… Oh, and don’t forget Den, he always gets jumpy when you forget him…
What will you guys think of me even if I manage to come back? Look at me, the seventeen year old Edward Elric, completely useless and homeless, a wanderer with no close ones, no friends, no relatives in a world with no Alchemy… The alchemic power had always flowed in my veins… Now it feels like how an angel with no wings would feel… I had that power ripped out of my grasp… I turned to physics, but it was no use… It wasn’t the same…
Truth to be told, I could settle down in this world… I’m sure there are kind people here, people that would want to take me in… But I don’t want to forget my brother; I don’t want to forget the Colonel’s senseless mug… I don’t want to forget my motherland and I don’t want to forget those four years the gate took… I can’t even be sure it did something in exchange for them… But I do hope that Al is somewhere beyond that gate now, with Winry, granny Pinako and Sensei… I hope they’re all great and that they’re having fun even without me… I don’t care if they forget about me, as long as I can hold dear the memory of them… It keeps me going, even though I have no idea where I’m going…
I wonder what they’re all doing now… My legs pull closer to my body at the thought. Mustang is probably slacking off again, trying to get promoted as ever, the darn dog…
Al is probably as carefree as ever, probably trying to learn alchemy again… How I wish I could be there and see him grow up this time… Fate is probably against us… Will I be ever able to see my little brother again? … Is it really so much to ask? Is there any kind of exchange for wanting to see your little brother grow up?
Granny is most certainly working on her permanent customers’ artificial limbs, trying to convert them into putting on automail instead of prosthesis. And, no doubt, still hasn’t succeeded with any of them… Heh, she never really tried her own medicine, that hag… She has no idea how badly it hurts when they connect the nerves.
And… Winry… She’s also nearly eighteen now… I wonder if she already settled down with someone…
I roll over so my back faces the green grass and the droplets hit my face, rolling down like the tears I never shed…
I’m sorry everyone… I’ll never be able to see any of you ever again… And I’m so sorry I didn’t even say good-bye the last time we saw each other… I never really got to tell you how I feel about everything… I never really got to tell anyone about my worries, my grief and all the regrets I patiently stored in my heart after Mom passed away… I always tried to protect everyone when I was the one who most wanted protection and help…
And then there was blinding light and deafening roar of the thunders I have ignored until now…
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“Winry?” A meek voice calls my name from the direction of the door. I turn around and see Al in his bed attire, gripping at a pillow we provided for his new room. I force a smile as I let the wrench rest on the table and climb the stairs to see what he wants.
“What is it, Al? Having nightmares?”
“I’m not ten anymore, Winry.” He smiles brightly at me. What an adorable smile… He really feels like my little brother now… “There’s a thunderstorm outside and granny said you should go to bed like everyone else too.”
“Tell granny I can’t right now. I’m researching my newest type of auto-mail! It’s going to be my greatest work ever! I’m sure clients will be piling to buy it!”
He blinks slowly up at me as I tower above him right now.
“People don’t get automail because of the pain when connecting the nerves, right?”
“Yes.” I blink down at him too, not really understanding where he’s heading. “What’s your point?”
“You’re going to reduce that pain?” He inquires.
“No.”
A silence stretches over us.
“Right. So, I should go tell granny that you’re defying her again?” He asked playfully. I just shrugged, hopping down the stairs back to my table again.
“Whatever you want, Al.”
“Oh! Guess who’s coming over tomorrow!” He gets excited all of a sudden. Could it be…?
“Who is? You know I suck at that game, Al…” I sigh, already tired of the day’s work…
“Wrath’s coming over for the check up on his automail! I’m so happy! I’m going to be able to show him that I can use Alchemy without an array now! Whee! G’night, Winry!” He runs off, not even waiting for my reply.
I sigh heavily again. Al has been such a great kid those two years. He has been studying Alchemy really hard, but still hasn’t found a way to bring Ed back… if Ed was still alive… Over the months, I began losing all hope, little by little… Yet my mind stubbornly refuses to believe that Edward’s not among the living anymore…
Lately I’ve been having nightmares over and over again… I hardly get any sleep, so I decided to put all my power in updating Wrath’s automail. I’m quite happy he turned to me when he needed limbs… I gave him the ones I was supposed to give Ed… Now I work myself senseless… but what for?
I so much wished the two of them would come back together… Oh, Ed…
“Good night… Al…” I muttered, as I buried my head in my crossed hands over the working table, dozing off to a land full of guilt and regret… Regret I never got to tell him everything I think…
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Um... Please share your opinion with me?
Be confident! 