Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Dead Or Alive
Fullmetal Alchemist Discussion Board > Fullmetal Alchemist Discussions > Fanworks > Fanfics
hakai-kun
One-Shot: Dead or Alive
genre: angst, romance, drama, hinted shounen-ai
series: Hagaren, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hagane no Renkinjutsushi, FMA
rating: PG-13?
pairing: surprise
disclaimer: I, Hakai, don't own these characters. Beware bad writing skills!
word count: 601

summary: Hm... was written for a fanfic challenge on devART. I wanted to tweak it and clean it up a bit though, since the contet ended. l0l. Please read and give me your feedback, input, and corrections.

btw, it's supposed to make you think... but I still want it to be a little understandable. laugh.gif also, I haven't actually re-read it since I first wrote it... there's probably stupid errors in it ^^;;

devART version can be found here. if anyone cares to look there... l0l

--------------------------

Dead or Alive
By Hakai

On any other day the steamy bowl of soup from his favorite diner would have been more then tasty. With it’s freshly chopped vegetables and just a hint of spices from the East. The warm broth sliding down his throat whilst the cool winter air nipped at his cold finger, both the automail one and the flesh one, would have warmed him inside and out.

But this wasn’t any other day. On this day the usually comforting aroma of potatoes and carrots cooked into a richly flavored broth was nothing but dull, bitter, and bland.

Edward Elric felt empty. But it had nothing to do with the fact that his chilled fingers refused to pick up the even colder metal spoon and force his parched lips to sip the once delicious bisque. It was… how had that one woman put it? As if someone had ripped his heart from his chest. But rather then fully dying, as he felt he should have, he was very much still there. There and with a hole in his chest where his heart ought to be.

Why should he, the infamous Fullmetal Alchemist, be sitting at his favorite table, outside his favorite restaurant, with his favorite soup before him, be feeling like this? He asked himself staring at the bowl of once steamy vegetable soup.

Edward leaned forward unto the white clothed tabletop until he felt and heard the hollow sound of his head hitting wood.

The young alchemist chanced a glance across the street. He frowned as his eyes fell upon a certain Flame Alchemist. He supposed he should have expected Roy to be in the area. After all, headquarters wasn’t too far away. But what he hadn’t expected at all, not today anyways, was Roy’s gaze turning in his direction. Ed’s eyes shot open. Had he had the will to, he would have turned to see if perhaps, by coincidence, there was some pretty brunette behind him Roy was eyeing. But Ed knew for a fact that no one would be crazy enough to dine outside the restaurant in this chilly weather, save him.

Ed couldn’t help but lift the corners of his lips in a pitiful attempt at a smile. He couldn’t believe it. After all that had happened, was Roy actually looking this way.

Roy smiled as he waved almost energetically making his way across the nearly empty streets. Edward slowly lifted his head off the table. His smile grew as he began to run his human hand through his tangled hair. By the time Roy had made his way to his side of the street, Ed’s hair had been neatly finger-combed and tied into a careful braid. Ed locked eyes with Roy as his own smile grew only wider. Roy smiled too.

“I love you,” he said running a hand through the blonde’s fine hair. “Alphonse.”




Alphonse Elric smiled as he leaned into Roy’s gentle touch. But something wasn’t right. Alphonse had the feeling of eyes on his back. As if they were being watched. Quickly he whipped around. But no one was there. Just the restaurant he and his older brother always used to eat at, when Ed had still been around. He chanced a glance at their old table in the corner. Except for a forgotten bowl of vegetable soup, it was empty.

“Is something wrong, Al?” Roy asked concerned. Al smiled before shaking his head and gently lacing his fingers through Roy’s. Together the two made their way to home.

The colonel could die. Die and join him in the depths of the underworld. For all eternity.
Omakase Shimasu
My God, that was amazing! ph34r.gif I never expected it to end on such a ... dark note, though. Apparently I totally ignored the title. tongue.gif

Still, this was brilliant piece and such a far cry from the stories you normally write. Despite the angst, you've done a wonderful job once again showing your skills in the many different fields of the fanfic world. So stop beating yourself up over your supposedly 'poor writing skills'!! XP

Oh as for typos:

QUOTE(hakai-kun @ Jul 16 2005, 11:02 PM)
"On any other day the steamy bowl of soup from his favorite diner would have been more than tasty."

"The warm broth sliding down his throat whilst the cool winter air nipped at his cold fingers, both the automail one and the flesh one, would have warmed him inside and out."

"But rather than fully dying, as he felt he should have, he was very much still there."

"He couldn’t believe it. After all that had happened, was Roy actually looking [t]his way." Not at all neccesary to lose the 't', but I thought it sounded better that way ;P
[snapback]215676[/snapback]



The only ones I could find, all small and pretty useless to point out really. Oh, one other thing. Maybe you could do something about the repetitiveness in the end, with the smile-smile and all. biggrin.gif;; Although it didn't really bother me, some people do since it's written in most of the guides and all.

Other than that, perfect~


PS: ph34r.gif Al scared me. You made a really scary Al. So many kudos for you to pull that off!
hakai-kun
scary Al XD. thanks for the corrections and tips. You're always so encouraging to me! And you always write the best longest comments ever on ff.net ^^

anyway, didja understand what was going on in the fic? ^^; I wanted to write something that would make people think. XD I hope it wasn't *too* confusing laugh.gif
Omakase Shimasu
Thank you for the compliment~ I like to write long reviews because it doesn't give me a good feeling when all I say is: "Nice job, keep going, I loved it, more please!" It really isn't all that satisfying to give anybody that kind of a response. Besides, if you're doing something, do it to the best of your abilities, no? wink.gif

As for your question: I thought Al had been homunculized. ph34r.gif If I'm wrong, so sorry! It seemed that way to me though. Ed had given up his life to bring his brother back, but ended up with another homunculus?

If it's the case, I had a similar idea since I got tired of seeing all these Ed-homunculus stories floatin around on the Net. XD
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.