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well here it is!

My FanFic

By Officer_Riza

Chapter 1: What A Beutifal Day!
Chapter 2: Meeting The Elric Brothers.
Chapter 3: Finding What Is Right.
Chapter 4: FINALLY!

Chapter 1: What A Beutiful Day!

Yuhh!!! Riza yawned while getting out of bed. seeing that roy was gone she quickly got her work suit on and grabbed her pistol. "Man, what a beutiful day it is today!" she said while walking to work. When She Got To Work She Went to see if Roy was there. she saw him by the drink machine so she went there to talk to him. "Hey Roy! you got up early didnt ya!" "Sure." he said back. "Hey Roy, Is there something wrong?" "No. its just ive been worring about you on those missions that you and Maes have been talking about. also when you go on those missions i dont see you as much." he said to her. " Riza! Come Here Please!" said Maes From His Office. "I got to go. Bye!" before she went to Maes she gave Roy a little kiss on the cheek and then went to Maes room. "Yes Sir?" She Greeted Him With A Smile On Her Face. "We just got a call from 3 kids who are in danger from some animals. i need you to help them got it?" he said. "Yes Sir!" She Ran Out Of His Office And Flew By Roy. "Riza!" Roy Said trying to stop her. Riza Flew out the door and to the coordinates of the call.

Chapter 2: Meeting The Elric Brothers.

When She Reached The PLace Where The Call Came From She Saw A Girl, A metal lookin thing, and a kid attacking the monsters. "MOVE OUT OF THE WAY KIDS!" Riza said while the kids moved. BLAM, BLAM, BLAM! she fired her pistol at the monsters and got all head shots. "May you kids please tell me your names?" The Girl Said "My name is Winry Rockbell and these two are Edward And Al." "Ok Guys Follow Me! Also Be Quick" Riza said. They rushed back to the HQ and Riza showed the kids to Maes. "Thank You Riza!" "No Problem Sir!" Riza Went Out to where Roy was. "Im done for a bit if you wanna go home." "Sure." While Riza and Roy were going home they ran into some trouble with another alchemist. "Where ya going hottie?" the alchemist said. "Hey Leave Her Alone!" Said Roy. "Well Shes Fine Lookin. Would You Wanna Come To My House?" He said "No I Wouldnt!" Said Riza While Roy Jumped In Front Of Her. "Riza Go Home! ill Take This Guy Down! I Hope YOu Know Im A Flame Alchemist!" Said Roy. "Ill Meet You There!" Riza Ran Home While Roy Clapped His Hands and shot a fireball at the alchemist. The Fireball hit the alchemist so hard that he blew back. Roy Ran Home To Riza and when he got there she wasnt there.

Chapter 3: Finding What Is Right!

Figuring Out That Riza Was gone he rushed to Maes office and noticed that those kids were gone so he went out to find them. Seeing footracks from That (CENSORED) Alchemist, He Followed em till he got to the cave. walking inside the cave he heard cracks and weird noises like screaming so he hurried till he saw that Al, Edward, And Riza Were locked onto the wall and that the girl Winry was attached to a bed. seeing that the alchemist was gone Roy ran to Winry and unlocked her, then to riza, the Al And Edward. right when they started walking out of the cave a voice said to them "Look who it is. Its That (CENSORED) who shot a fire ball at me." "Riza take these kids away and let me take this guy on." Roy said. Riza and the kids ran off out of the cave and to HQ. "Alright. This is it. Our final battle!" Roy clapped his hands and shot 5 fireballs at the alchemist. all of them hit but one. The alchemist hit the wall so hard that the cave started to clalapse. Roy ran to the alchemist, picked him up and brought him outside the cave. One of the rocks from the cave landed on Roys foot so he fell to the ground with a broken foot. The alchemist got up and when he turned around he hit Als armor so hard that he fell. He saw that Riza and Al Were there. Riza Walked to roy and tryed to help him up. Al brought the Alchemist to HQ while Riza took Roy. When they got to HQ the tied the alchemist to the chair and started asking him questions. "Why did you kidnap those people?" said Maes. "...." "Dont wanna talk then huh?" Maes kicked the alchemist on the leg. "Its because... Urghhhh!" The alchemist started to have a panic attack and then he died. "(CENSORED)! i didnt get any info!" said Maes.

Chapter 4: Finally!

a few days laterRiza didnt have to go on any more missions so Roy Was Happy. as for the Elric brothers, they continued there journey to find waht is right!

Hehe if u liked it please tell me even if u didnt like it!
Omakase Shimasu
Um, before I give my overall opinion of the story... just a few tiny suggestions, if I may? biggrin.gif

Paragraphs: Besides the fact that paragraphs result in a nice layout, it's hard for a reader to concentrate on the story if all you're seeing is one page filled to the brim with words. It makes a person lose track of either the story or their breath. Or both... ^^;;

Grammar & Spelling: Both author and reader benefit from proper grammar and spelling. The reader will enjoy their time spent reading your story instead of headdesking their furniture into oblivion. And the author will feel good about themselves becase they know they've created a piece to the best of their abilities. smile.gif A[n online] spellchecker isn't hard to find and/or use either.

Unnecessary Capitals: Unless it's got to do with a mysterious fictional disease the character has contracted during their short stay in your company (even so, this only should relate to dialogue) - it isn't wise to capitalize words whenever you feel like it. biggrin.gif;; It generally takes away from the story and it's hard to take things seriously when written in such a way.

OOC: Also known as Out Of Character [syndrome]. biggrin.gif When a character acts out of character it's hard to imagine that this is indeed [insert name] we're talking about. Which in turn makes it hard to imagine the character and the probability of a story in general. Which might lead to someone abandoning the story. Or worse...

There's more, but I don't have the time to go into too much detail right now. I'll list a few of them here anyway: Sound Effects, Repeats, Censorship, Factoids, Story Structure.

As for the story, it certainly was a new experience for me to visualize the Lieutenant... in such a way. biggrin.gif;; Not to mention, Roy's miraculous Gate performance. (Typo, I think?)
Tobu Ishi
*blink* This is a troll, right? Nobody is really this bad. It's inconceivable. You've got to be joking.

Though I'm amused by the all-new character "Maes From His Office". He should get along nicely with Practically Screamed Havoc. XD
Kai- The Bullet Alchemist-
Umm.... Yeah. I read the first "chapter" and decided to tell you that you need to cut off your hands. That was horrible.
wow...just wow. kase kind of touched base on everything i was thinking... honey, i think you need to go back and reevaluate your knowledge of english before writing anything else...and surely go back and watch hagaren again before you try writing fanfiction again... *shakes head*
lt. Riza Hawkeye
..I myself could not read it all. Sorry to say. But I'm sure that with work, you'll become an excellent writter.
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