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confederate_alchemist
<Moving the thread from FMA Anime American Audience sub-forum to FMA Anime forum section front. 02/21/07 ~Tombow>


hey peeps! just thought i'd start a topic that would make FM fans laugh...i've got a few to start us off... but feel free to add your own!

You might be a redneck alchemist if...
1.) Scar and the 7 Deadly Sins back down from your mama...
2.) Your mama can tell the state alchemist to kiss her ass without taking the Marlboro outta her mouth
3.) You've ever opened a beer bottle using alchemy
4.) You've trained your pet chimera to fetch alcoholic beverages from the fridge for you while you're watching NASCAR
5.) The highlite of your parties is when you show off your auto-mail
6.) Your front porch collapses and kills more than three chimeras
7.) Your richest relative tranmutes theirselves a new house, and you have to help take the wheels off of it
8.) You sit out on the front porch in your boxers with your transmuted bladestaff in the early morning waiting for the squirrels
9.) Someone asks you for your ID and you show them your engraved auto-mail
10.) You've ever been too drunk to draw a transmutation circle


well, that's all from me! send 'em in! tongue.gif



Note from Quistis: Attachments removed. Do not attach irrelevant files, please.
ymsg
XD that's great.
Luckyalchemy27
QUOTE
8.) You sit out on the front porch in your boxers with your transmuted bladestaff in the early morning waiting for the squirrels


Ahahahahahaha!! XD
Celestial Shadow
QUOTE(confederate_alchemist @ May 20 2005, 07:21 PM)
You might be a redneck alchemist if...
6.) Your front porch collapses and kills more than three chimeras
7.) Your richest relative tranmutes theirselves a new house, and you have to help take the wheels off of it
8.) You sit out on the front porch in your boxers with your transmuted bladestaff in the early morning waiting for the squirrels
10.) You've ever been too drunk to draw a transmutation circle

[snapback]176203[/snapback]



laugh.gif Those ones are some of the funniest to me.
Martel
::falls off chair:: YES! Jeff Foxworthy rocks my fricken world! Ten points to you confederate_alchemist!
ymsg
Jeff Foxworthy is the funniest. Didja see Roasting Jeff Foxworthy? Hilarious.

Yeah, confederate, those rock.
Martel
OMG THE JEFF FOXWORTHY ROAST WAS AWESOME!! I loved Bill Engvall's thing!
darkangelslayer
It's things like this that give us southners a bad name.

I wish I still lived in New York.
Mustang's Apprentice
Jeff Foxworthy=One of the funniest guys ever!!
ymsg
Well, I wish I still lived in NY too, but then I'd miss the Fla sun and Metrocon. I can deal with having a bad name.
Martel
Lol we're all classified as hicks in Colorado though I live in a big city and have never worn cowboy boots. I prefer steel toed military books laugh.gif
ymsg
Cowboy boots, \\rock\\ man. They rock. Lol. I don't wear them regularly or anything, but I'd take them over tennis shoes any day *hates tennis shoes*
Luckyalchemy27
I don't even live in the south and I still say stuff like "Yee-haw!" and "Howdy!" on a regular basis.

And, yes! Cowboy boots RULE! *wanders off to think up her own redneck alchemist joke*
Celestial Shadow
QUOTE(darkangelslayer @ May 21 2005, 02:24 PM)
It's things like this that give us southners a bad name.

I wish I still lived in New York.
[snapback]176909[/snapback]



Hey it's the dirty south, come on northrener, it's just all in good fun laugh.gif
Martel
Lol I'll admit cowboy boots are fun but I still prefer the military boots. I'm not a big fan of heels... any sort of heels lol
Chibi Reina
lol, poor squirrels....

What's a red neck?? (sorry, there's a time when I just don't know anything at all)
telepika
Hehehe... I'm not too sure myself. In fact I don't understand most of the jokes and references made here.

I feel out of place... *Goes back to LA*
Luckyalchemy27
QUOTE
What's a red neck??


Redneck = hillbilly
telepika
laugh.gif That's what I thought, but I didn't what to say it out loud in case I was wrong and would insult people...
Martel
Bwahaha! You must be from Cali not knowing what a redneck is!
Luckyalchemy27
Meh, don't feel bad. Lots of people don't know the term.
Guest_confederate_alchemist_*
[COLOR=blue][FONT=Impact]
hey, peeps! swingin' by again to drop a few more alchemy redneck jokes...

You might be a redneck alchemist if...
1.) The military phone line limits you to one call per day (this may have something to do with Maes Hughes "conversations" with Roy laugh.gif )
2.) Any of your children were born in a transmutation circle
3.) Your kid's first words were, "In order for humankind to gain, something of equal value must be lost; that is alchemy's first law of equivilent exchange."
4.) Your children regularly transmute things for "Show-and-Tell"
5.) You missed 5th grade graduation because you had to go kill one of the Homunculi
6.) A ceiling fan has ever knocked your brother's head off his body(guess who laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif )
7.) You've ever cut your grass and found one of your old bits of auto-mail
8.) You've ever bought a transmuted turkey decoy on layaway
9.) You'd rather burn your yard with alchemy than mow it (Roy Mustang is probably guilty of that one XD)
10.) You almost always answer the door with a transmuted bladestaff in your hand

TTFN and may the Confederacy live on!
lizzyangel
I recently found out.... 8 times out of 10, i'm a friggin redneck. blink.gif
..... do you think my crush on Jeff rolleyes.gif Foxworthy confirms it? unsure.gif
Morgri
Hehe, good ones...

You might be a redneck alchemist if:

You do alchemy naked, and so does your husband XD
confederate_alchemist
XD good one!!! well, what're you waiting for... you don't necessarily have to make one up! most of the ones i've posted are re-do's of Jeff Foxworthy ones out of the book! So...all you have to do is convert them to alchemy-related stuff

You might be a redneck (alchemist) if:
EX: Your wife/girlfriend has ever had to say, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
Converted: Your wife/girlfriend has ever had to say, "Come move these auto-mail parts so I can take a bath!"
Morgri
You might be a redneck alchemist if:

The family swimming pool is the transmutated truck in the back yard biggrin.gif
ymsg
*falls over laughing* Confederate Alchemist, your guest post made me about fall over. That was SOO good.
Phyco girl
QUOTE(darkangelslayer @ May 21 2005, 12:24 PM)
It's things like this that give us southners a bad name.

I wish I still lived in New York.
[snapback]176909[/snapback]



I live in Texas but was born in Maryland and grew up in Michigan and I don't like that it dosen't snow here dry.gif I kind of wish I didn't live in Texas at the moment. But nobody really wears any of that stupid cowboy stuff. At least not where I live.

LOL! This is SO funny though laugh.gif I wish I could come up with a good one!

l8er guys!
Martel
Very nice ones! Baaah I'm not creative enough to think of any lol
Luckyalchemy27
I could probably think of one but I'm too lazy to go and get a Blue Collar DVD. T_T
Martel
Once I get a job the Blue Collar Comedy tour and the first FMA dvd are on my to buy list... that and a car.... damn dry.gif
ymsg
LOL nice Martel.
confederate_alchemist
laugh.gif I'M BAAAAAAACK!!!! AND I'M PSYCHOTIC AS EVER!!!! sorry i haven't replied in a while, summer vacation and all! well, my dog died and i was grieving, and plus...school sucks.....except for my science class! weeeeeell, i'll try to make up a few before i have to go out and wait for the bus....



You might be a redneck alchemist if...
1) You and your chimera both use the tree on the corner
2) You've ever stolen toilet paper from a military building
3) Chimera control and the military call for extra back-up when visiting your house
4) You use the "O" on the stop sign on the corner to test out the new gun you transmutated your auto-mail into
5) You think fast food is hitting Envy at sixty miles an hour
6) Your kids bring you to "Show-and-Tell" just so they can show off your scars and/or auto-mail
7) Your wife's/girlfriend's hairdo has ever been ruined by an alchemic charge
8) You have a bladestaff/gun rack on your bike
9) You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on the side of a military building in Central
10) You have a bumper sticker that says, "Guns don't kill people, a pissed off Riza Hawkeye does."
Sword Alchemist
You learned alchemy from Larry The Cable Guy.



Fullmetal Fugazi
if your name is "the 3 toothed alchemist"
Little_Alchemist
lol these are so awsome hehehe
chocolate_eds_everywhere
i love jeff foxworthy he is the best. the whole blue collar series id funny. i have jeff's bit on a cd. tongue.gif biggrin.gif
confederate_alchemist
ha ha!! very good you guys very good!

You might be a redneck alchemist if......
You've been kicked out of a military dorm for cooking Spam on a hot plate
sweety_pie
I feel really dumb posting this. (Dont laugh because this is stupid laugh because it is funny. pls.)

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK ALCHEMIST IF.......

-your auot-mail is old transmuted shot gun shells.

-for mothers day you transmute your mother a hibcap, for her house.


(thats all i got the're kinda dumb)
Fullmini Alchemist
that is awesome!! I especially love the last one about being too drunk to draw a transmutation circle. laugh.gif
sweety_pie
QUOTE(Fullmini Alchemist @ May 7 2006, 01:55 AM) [snapback]391660[/snapback]

that is awesome!! I especially love the last one about being too drunk to draw a transmutation circle. laugh.gif



Ilike that one too!
DZBrick6
QUOTE(Fullmini Alchemist @ May 6 2006, 10:25 PM) [snapback]391660[/snapback]

that is awesome!! I especially love the last one about being too drunk to draw a transmutation circle. laugh.gif



HEY!!! ohmy.gif It can happen!!!!
Hargen No Otoko
Oh!!! I can do this! i recently moved to a hick town....

Umm...

...If you use alchemy to cook your grits

...if you've ever been arrested for transmuting the sherriff into a cage in you shed

...if you fix your tractor using alchemy

...if you keep dip in your pocket watch

...if you failed the written portion of the state alchemist exam because you can't spell alchemy

~
The 3 toothed alchemist was my favorite, kudos to you!
Edamame
Thanks for making me laugh guys. I really want to see them make a show called the Three-Toothed Alchemist now.

*I like your last one Hagaren no Otoko.
Fullmetal OBSESSED!!
QUOTE(Martel @ May 23 2005, 09:39 PM) [snapback]178419[/snapback]

Lol we're all classified as hicks in Colorado though I live in a big city and have never worn cowboy boots. I prefer steel toed military books laugh.gif


What area of Colorado are you from?... I'm from Loveland.

QUOTE(Hargen No Otoko @ Jul 24 2006, 12:57 AM) [snapback]425058[/snapback]

Oh!!! I can do this! i recently moved to a hick town....

Umm...

...If you use alchemy to cook your grits

...if you've ever been arrested for transmuting the sherriff into a cage in you shed

...if you fix your tractor using alchemy

...if you keep dip in your pocket watch

...if you failed the written portion of the state alchemist exam because you can't spell alchemy

~
The 3 toothed alchemist was my favorite, kudos to you!


I like the one about keeping dip in your pocket watch. Though, it would have to be Copenhagen or its not as good...
Sword Alchemist
QUOTE(Edamame @ Jul 24 2006, 12:04 PM) [snapback]425171[/snapback]

Thanks for making me laugh guys. I really want to see them make a show called the Three-Toothed Alchemist now.


biggrin.gif

Or maybe they can add a Three-Toothed Alchemist saga to the series. Ed and Al's hillbilly alchemist cousin comes to visit them in Central.
Popogeejo
You're a Redneck alchemist when;
-You store your alchemic elixers in jugs marked "XXXXXX"
-You laugh at "Furher of the Hill" (Certainly not a rip off of "King of the Hill")
-You hum the Banjo dule tune from Deliverance while trting to make a new alchemic array.
-You spend most of your time alchemicly upgrading your Boomstick.


All I can think of. I'm not good with hillbilly steryotypes...
Fullmetal_vs_Flame
ohh! I've got some!!

You might be a redneck alchemist if....

..you think Flame Alchemist is an alchahol

..you when you lost your limbs during human transmutation...and used empty beer bottles for limbs

..you transmute your empty beer cans into full ones

..you have to use alchemy to clean your trailer

and

..you think "Rush Valley" is where the bathroom is
envys chibi
im a rednekc alchemist


im a rednekc alchemist
Popogeejo
QUOTE(envys chibi @ Sep 8 2006, 08:44 PM) [snapback]443507[/snapback]

im a rednekc alchemist


im a rednekc alchemist


I take it you didn't read what to do in this thread...

WELCOME biggrin.gif
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