May 14 2005, 08:50 PM
This may be the first time I've posted one of my fics here however it’s not my first fic (even though it probably sucks like a first fic).
Copyrights: I do not own (though don't I wish) Fullmetal Alchemist in any way nor any or the characters, places, or story associated with it. However all new characters, places, and story ideas are property of the author of this fic (namely me). If you in any way feel the need to use my ideas, characters, etc. just ask and I'll happily say yes if you make sure to give a nod in my direction when using them. Like they say, "imitation is the highest form of flattery."
Rating: PG- PG-13 language, explicit violence, some smut (much later and not too serious), a few mature themes (nothing serious though)
Genre: action/adventure, drama, comedy, and eventually romance
Spoilers: Be warned that much later in the story I will be getting into pretty spoilerous events (the story will end in Munich if that means anything). So even though I start out somewhere in the timeline of the earlier parts of the series it will eventually lead to spoilers. Enough said.
Setting: When Ed is between the ages of 13 and 15 where the gap in the series sits between "Be Thou For The People" and the events in Lore
Prolog: Ed is sent on a military errand, to a crumbling city in the far east of Amestris to deal with a gang that has been terrorizing the citizens there. Once there he gets in a confrontation with the infamous “Boulder Gang.” When we enter the scene an abandoned building has already been destroyed as a result of the conflict and the “Boulder Gang is currently hiding in the rubble.
Chapter 1: Who You Calling A Little… Girl?
“Please come out before you force me to get rough,” a singsong voice chirps through the dust of a failing town.
“Brother don’t hurt them too much or the Colonel will be angry with you,” a soft echoing voice pleaded.
“Yeah, yeah, I know Al, but I can’t let them get away either or I’ll never hear the end of it from that smart ass,” the first voice replied mockingly. Then raising his voice he adds, “besides if they’d just give themselves up there’ll be no reason for any further damage to be caused over this.”
“Like hell we’d give ourselves up to the puny likes of you,” a harsh voice calls out of the rubble of what was an abandoned building. “The Boulder Gang couldn’t possibly be defeated by a shrimpy little girl like you.”
“Ut-oh, Ed please go easy on them,” Al tried to reason with his older brother’s fury, but Ed was already too far gone for any amount of reasoning. He sighs before adding, “Now they’re in for it.”
“WHO YOU CALLIN’ A,” Ed screamed as he claps his hands together before slamming his hands on the ground, “TINY, LITTLE GIRL JUST BECAUSE,” a huge cannon appears from the ground where his hands hit, “NO MALE COULD POSSIBLY BE,” the cannon fires at the rubble, “AS SMALL AS I AM,” though doesn’t do much more damage than to crush the already destroyed building into smaller pieces.
“Easy Ed they never said all of that,” Al attempted to sooth his brother’s temper. “Though calling you a girl because of you lack of height is a new one for me too.”
“Haha, you missed girly,” the harsh voice once again called tauntingly from the rubble.
“Stop calling me a girl,” Ed fumed, “My name is Edward, Edward Elric, also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist.”
“Don’t play games with us bitch we know all about you from our people in Central, “ calls out the harsh voice, now rising from his hiding place in the debris. He was a burly man with brown crew cut hair, dark eyes, and a slightly muscular physique that matched his harsh tone nicely. When he spoke again continued to dig his own grave, “ We know you’re that little girl State Alchemist that captured our leader and had him imprisoned. So now we get to have our revenge.” And with that he pulled out his gun and ran blinded by rage at the person who called himself Edward, followed by four of his underlings.
“Why do they always choose to do things the hard way,” mumbled Ed, while once again clapping his hands together though this time turning his fake, metal, right arm into a sword. “Have it your way Boris,” then with a speed that belittled his stature, easily disarmed all the renegades. “Now that you’ve forced me to bust all your weapons up, let’s call it quits,” he asked almost pleasantly.
The four lesser men immediately put up their hands in defeat, but their boss, Boris on the other hand was not so easily deterred. “You may have impressed my men with your little trick but I won’t give up so quickly; not until I’ve had my revenge for you imprisoning our leader,” and at that moment boulders and debris from the building came flying from all directions at Ed.
“Great how’d I manage to get into this mess,” Ed thought as he became extremely hard pressed to avoid becoming squashed by the oncoming rocks. What Ed had failed to notice while listening to Boris’ speech was him reaching down to touch a circle that had been etched on one of the nearby pieces of building rubble, resulting in a mass transmutation of all the rubble within the immediate vicinity.
“Damn there’s no end to them,” Ed thinks as he continues to dodge one boulder after another.
“Ed it’s the rock, he’s controlling them from the one with the transmutation circle on it,” Al yells to Ed in a helping though still slightly panicked voice.
Ed looked around to find that Al was right; Boris was still standing in the same place as before, with a look of pure enjoyment on his face from watching his opponent’s dance to avoid his attacks, his hand still resting on the rock to his left with the circle on it. “It won’t be long now, soon the twerp will become exhausted and then… Splat!,” Boris thought cheerfully, a grin flickering on his corrupt face.
“I’ll cut through that circle then this little party will be over,” Ed thinks then begins calculating his course of action to get there. He begins moving purposely through the raining rocks toward Boris, each dodge moving him a little closer.
“This will end it,” Boris shouts as he sends the largest rock yet hurling toward Ed hoping to turn him into jelly, but he failed to notice two very important things. Number one was his enemy was so close now that if the huge rock fell it would squish them both and number two was that the kid’s walking tin can had managed to sneak around to his right side. So in failing to notice these critical things he failed to predict his opponent’s next move and therefore sealed his own fate.
“Show’s over Boris,” Ed yells as he lunges straight at him throwing them both out of the boulder’s site of impact. The force or Ed’s “dodge” sends Boris flying 5 feet to the right landing at Al’s feet, on a circle he had drawn in the dirt.
“End of the line,” Al half mocks as he touches the edge of the circle Boris is now laying on, causing four barred walls to spring up around him. “I’d be getting real used to places like that if I were you, Boris.”
“Damn you,” Boris cursed before blacking out.
As for Ed, he rolled into a perfect tumble stopping about 8 or so feet away on his rear end, leaving the boulder to crush the other one with the transmutation circle on it and putting an end to Boris’ attacks.
“Ouch! Remind me not to do that again next time,” Ed complains, as he stands while rubbing a hand over his now sore behind.
“Well it was either that or end up as jam on toast,” Al laughed while walking toward his “injured” brother.
“Haha, very funny,” Ed replied sarcastically, “but you’re right I would’ve been Toast had you not pointed out the source. I had completely failed to notice Boris activate that circle.”
“You’re too careless, that’s how you end up getting caught in situations like this. I’m sure your behind would appreciate it if you paid more attention to these things, they might be more avoidable.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever we got through it in the end didn’t we?”
“Yep mission complete and now…” Al began.
“We leave it up to the local authorities to take these scumbags into custody,” Ed interjected.
“But shouldn’t that be your job seeing as the mission to stop the Boulder Gang was yours as a State Alchemist.”
“Yep and we stopped them, that’s good enough for me and seeing as the cleanup isn’t part of my job description, we’re takin’ the next train outta this dump,” Ed replied casually as he begins to walk toward the station.
“Brother, always shirking responsibility,” Al thinks before following Ed as the local officers move in to bag their capture.
Oh well I guess no one likes if no one's commented by now. You know I live on comments from my readers because good or bad they work wonders for an author's feelings just knowing that someone's reading. I see that a good amount of people have veiwed this topic but no one's posted a comment yet so maybe its soo bad that you all got bored and left before posting. too bad maybe I need to post another chapter bfore you guys will post. But on the other hand I promised myself I wouldn't post more until at least 3 people fueled my now dieing fire.
May 18 2005, 05:07 PM
Oh no hunny! Don't say that! I didn't see that you ever posted otherwise I really would have taken the time to comment as this piece definetly has potential.
Don't let no commenters bring you down! This is good work, and I'm sure it just needed to be bumped up to be read. Sometimes the fics can go down quickly with all the people replying to the 'popular fics'
So I will be waiting for more okay! You have a dedicated reader here! Continue hun!
May 18 2005, 05:17 PM
Thanks much Saturn Stars! My author gage is filling rapidly. Chapter 2 is already in the wings just getting it proof read by my little sis.
May 18 2005, 06:45 PM
I shall be waiting eagerly!
May 18 2005, 07:28 PM
but you shouldn't be sad if none post it, i'm telling you because i used to read the fanfics and never leave a message, oh yeah i'mma a holy coooooow
May 18 2005, 11:31 PM
See I told you! This is good!
Oh and Lenita. I tooooooooootaly love your sig! Go kakashi sensei!
May 21 2005, 06:11 AM
Its really really good ^-^
Please Please Please write more ^^
May 21 2005, 06:38 AM
Hmm, Not sure how this one slipped by me, however, It did.
Apologies!! Had I read this sooner you most certainly would have received a positive reply from me much sooner! This is a nice piece of work, one that you can clearly see isn't your "first" in cretin aspects of the first chapter. Well done! I will be looking forward to reading the next chapters.
Jun 1 2005, 09:15 PM
Hi guys. Sincerist aologies for having to wait so long for chapter 2, I was on vacation. This chapter has causedme a lot of trouble and has been scrapped and rewritten several times and I still think its a peice of junk. Sorry in advance that this chapter is so uninteresting (chapter three to be much better).
Chapter 2: What Was That All About?
The train rattled down the tracks, the countryside sliding past the almost completely lidless windows. Save for one in the far back where Edward Elric watched the passing fields, trees, and occasional houses with a dreamy disinterest. In fact he wasn’t even looking at the scenery at all but rather thinking like he always did on long train rides. Usually the topic of thought was his next move to getting the Philosopher’s stone or maybe the past. Today it’s the recent events with the Boulder Gang and the much hated fact that in a few hours time he would have to see Mustang’s ugly face again. It’d only been 4 days since he last saw the Colonel’s jeering mug, much too soon in Ed’s opinion.
“Even though I did everything to the best of my abilities he’ll probably have some sarcastic complaint about the way I handled things, Ed thought scornfully. “That bastard could easily find fault with existence itself and people say I’m ungrateful. He’s like the quintessence of rude and obnoxious. I wish that one of these days I could take his big dumb… dummy head and…” with these frustrating thoughts he begins pounding his fist into the palm of his hand in order to vent his long pent up outrage toward his outranked but defiantly not in any means better, superior.
Ed’s sudden outburst calls Al from his own thoughts. “What’s the matter Brother,” Al asks watching Ed continue to pound the palm of his hand with an angry fist.
“Oh nothing Al just thinking and I guess I got a little carried away,” Ed replies while ceasing to abuse his hand that he had been imagining as Mustang’s hideous visage.
After a few more moments of silence Al spoke. “You know Ed I was thinking about Boris,” he mentioned casually.
“Yeah what about him,” Ed asks uninterested.
“Well it’s about him insisting you were a girl and that you had their leader in Central imprisoned,” Al explained.
“Yeah that confused me too, we haven’t had to deal with any of Boris’ kind for a while now, and I’m certain we haven’t had anyone imprisoned in a long time.”
“No we’ve been too busy searching for the Philosopher’s Stone over the past few months. We haven’t even come anywhere near Central in that time.”
“Let alone be able to go there to capture a petty gang leader,” Ed finished thoughtfully. “And if it was a girl like he claimed was responsible for his leader’s capture, why did he assume I was her and try to take his revenge out on me? It just doesn’t make much sense no matter how you look at it.”
“The Colonel is pretty well informed on matters in Central, why don’t we ask him about all of this when we reach East Headquarters?”
“No way Al,” Ed immediately shouted in protest! “If I told him that some stupid criminal called me a ”girl” I might as well bow down and die at his feet ‘cause I’d never hear the end of the sarcasms.”
“But if you want o get an answer you this little mystery quickly, the Colonel would be the quickest source or reliable information. Besides you wouldn’t have to tell him that Boris called you a girl, you could simply mention that you wanted some information on factions of the Boulder Gang in Central as a follow up investigation to your recent mission,” Al explained cunningly.
“”Good ideal, there’s just one problem. He’d be suspicious of me immediately as he knows full well I never do more work than I have on missions for the military. Now all of a sudden I want to do a follow up investigation on a case I never wanted in the first place.”
Al chuckled, “Yeah even I’d be afraid you’d been replaced Brother. It doesn’t sound like you at all. When it comes to the military you’ve only ever put up with what they tell you to get the information we need on the Philosopher’s Stone.”
“Everything else is just water under the bridge once everything’s said and done,” Ed drawls in a monotone.
“So are you just going to forget about this whole girl thing and move on,” Al asks cautiously.
“Yeah why not,” Ed replies sounding bored with the whole thing? “Why should I care about the delusions of a crazed criminal? Face it, Boris was deranged and blinded by anger. He was just trying to pin the blame on someone and I was the perfect target weather I fit the description or not. End or story Al. Just another waste of my precious time on a mission as a dog of the military.”
“Oh okay Ed,” Al replied no longer concerned.
Ed returned to thinking while blankly staring out the window at the passing countryside. Al simply sat there watching his brother neither thinking nor moving. He just sat there on the rattling train his mind devoid of all thought in a sort of trance with the thoughtful figure of his staring brother filling up his field of vision. He barely wondered anymore what ideas and thoughts might be running through his mind to give him the integral look of both ecstasy and despondency while being completely pensive. Al no longer tried to figure out what made his brother tick because he had come to the conclusion that there were things about Ed that his innocent mind would never be able to fully grasp. That was a burden only Ed could carry and it troubled Al greatly as he watched his brother’s continual suffering unable to help.
Jun 2 2005, 12:29 PM
Nice story! I'll be reading it don't worry
Also don't fret about not updating. It takes me FOREVER to update my fics!
Jun 4 2005, 08:21 AM
Yeah its an awsome story continue
Jun 4 2005, 06:56 PM
Guest don't mean to sound rude but are you someone from the CL forum? Just wondering.
Thanks everyone for the reveiws.
Jul 23 2005, 07:44 PM
I am very sorry for taking so long to get this chapter up but between vacations and work and everything else I was quite unable to type it up. However I have been writting and the story is farther along than ever (now if only I get it typed up quicker this time) Anyway without further ado here's ch.3
Ch. 3: An Unexpected Detour
The train came to an unexpected halt far too soon to have reach its destination, jerking Ed from an uneasy sleep.
“Al where are we,” Ed asks sleepily. “We can’t be in East City its not even sun rise yet.”
“I don’t know Ed.” Al replies while looking intently out of his window, “but it looks like we’re in a station of some sort, defiantly not the one in East City though.”
“Maybe there’s a problem, I’ll go check on things with the conductor,” Ed states while rising from his seat. He heads down the deserted car to the door leading to the next car and forward to the engine room. “I hope this hasn’t turned into another train heist, I just can’t deal with another rough rebellion group right now,” he thinks as he opens the door to the engine car.
As he walks in an engine worker looks up at him with a little surprise. “Man I didn’t even know we had any passengers on board,” he says more to himself than to Ed. Then he adds, “Sorry for the inconvenience sir, we’ve had a few engine malfunctions coupled with a fuel leak and had to stop for repairs. Nothing serious though just enough to force us to have to stop though.”
“So where are we,” Ed asks relieved by the man’s explanation?
“In a small town about 10 miles south of East City,” the man replies. “Repairs are going to take at least 6 hours, until then you’re welcome to look around town if you’d like”
Thanks, I think we will go take a look around,” Ed replies as he leaves the engine car and then heads back to report the news to Al.
Out on the platform, Ed and Al looked out at a peaceful, county town, still covered softly by the nighttime mist and fragrant with the smell of the morning dew, the sound of early risers just waking with the fast approaching dawn on the horizon.
“This place sort of reminds me of home Brother,” Al stated breaking the peaceful morning silence.
“Yeah a little bit I suppose but all country towns like Resembool are like this Al,” Ed replied solemnly.
Al paused thinking a moment before exclaiming, “Let’s go see what we can find here Ed!”
“Nah, I’d rather not right now,” Ed retorted.
“Why not,” said Al taken aback?
Ed shook his head furiously, “No! No, Al I didn’t mean it like that! We’ll go look around later on. Don’t you think people are bound to be suspicious of two strangers like us walking around at this time of day?”
“Yeah, okay, you’re right,” Al replied a bit downcast. “We won’t gets to see as much but at least we won’t draw suspicious stares.”
“Don’t be silly Al there’s not much to see when half the town is still asleep. We’ll just wait here on the platform for an hour or so until the sun rises and we start to hear the sounds of a lively country town, and we’ll still have at least 5 hours to look around according to the train worker I spoke to.”
“Okay,” Al half yelled jubilantly.
They sat together on a bench set a little ways back from train platform watching the sun rise up from the east, illuminating lush fields and rolling pastures. Before long the sounds of a bustling town drifted toward their ears.
“Alright Al, time to see what this little place has to offer,” said Ed standing up and then they both headed into town.
At first they walked at leisure along streets dotted with houses and lined with people and small livestock such as chickens, goats, and cats and dogs. Men and older boys prepared to set out for a day’s work in the fields, while women and older girls bid them farewell with kisses and homemade lunches, respectively. Smaller children already ran playing and laughing with each other and animals alike, being sure to avoid small herb gardens that dotted the yards. It was enjoyable and even somewhat painful for Ed and Al to watch these people happily going about their daily lives in much the same way their lives in Resembool were and could have been had circumstances been different.
Eventually they made their way to the town square where merchants sold their wares and vendors lined the streets only a short distance from shop fronts. As Ed and Al made their way through the busy market, the nagging pain of hunger befell Ed much as it always did at this time of day.
“Al, I’m starving,” Ed complained as his stomach complained even louder. “Any chance of stopping for something to eat?”
“Ed pick any stand you, want there’s every kind of food you could possibly want to buy here.”
And indeed there was every kind of food you’d usually find in a farming town such as this one, from stands with seasonal fruits and vegetables, to butchers shops selling every type of meat from beef, to pork, and even lamb. There were a spare few bakeries selling fresh baked bread and pastries or all sorts, and a good many vendors selling well aged cheeses and freshly drawn cow and even goat milk.
Ed choose a stand selling fresh fruits and homemade buns and pastries, some filled with various jams and preserves, to buy his morning meal from.
As they approached, Ed saw that the vendor’s owner, a middle aged woman with her hair drawn in a tight bun, had her back turned to them and was scolding a small girl. Ed respectfully choose not to interrupt and instead decided to wait for the woman to finish reprimanding whom he assumed was the woman’s daughter.
While the woman continued ranting at her, the girl looked past her to Ed and Al. She almost immediately interrupted the woman and tugging on her sleeve shouted, “Wook mummy! You have cust-ormers.”
The woman turned, saw Ed and Al, and began apologetically, “I sorry to keep you waiting. What can I get…” but she cut her speech off staring at Ed.
The girl tugged on her mother’s shirt sleeve and pointed at Ed, “Wook it mummy! The girrl that saved big brother is back.”
At this statement Ed turned and looked behind him but when he saw no one there he pointed at himself and ask, “Are you talking about me?”
The girl nodded her head, “Yup you’re the girrl who saved big brother aren’t you?”
Ed’s jaw dropped about half a mile but before he could protest the woman awoke from her stupor and looking down at the girl said, “Yes Lena dear I can see that its her but its not nice to point at people.” Then turning to Ed she continued, “it’s nice to see you back again so soon Miss. Our family can never repay you enough for what you did for my son last month.”
Ed just gaped at her unable to believe his ears.
Oct 7 2005, 07:16 PM
CTS CTS CTS CTS CTS CTS CTS MORE MORE!!!
Oct 22 2005, 10:37 PM
your not gonna continue are you?
Oct 23 2005, 06:52 PM
QUOTE(Guest @ Oct 23 2005, 01:37 AM) [snapback]303397[/snapback]
your not gonna continue are you?
Yes I am its just chapter 4 is giving me a real hassle. that's why I've tried laying off this one for a while and writting something else, which happens to be On my Father's wings. I almost have chapter 4 finished so as soon as I type it up I'll update.
Oct 26 2005, 01:36 PM
Nov 13 2005, 03:08 AM
Well for those of you who'd like to know chapter 4 is finally finished (whoo-hoo!!!) all I have to do is find the time to sit down and type it all up and then I'll update (which might even be by tomorrow).
Nov 13 2005, 04:02 AM
Yeah I actually did get this chapter up tonight enjoy as much as possible for how crappy it is.
Chapter 4: Blind Truth
This was just too much for Ed to handle; how could so many people be so blind? I’m a boy damn it, a goddamn male! How could people he’d never meet in his life pretend to know him? And worse yet they thought he was a girl! Ed wanted to scream and shout these things but somehow he only managed to gap stupidly at these strangers.
Al on the other hand was not quite as distraught by these people’s comments to his brother. He looked from his dumb struck brother, to the woman and her daughter, and back again, with a look of puzzlement that went unregistered by both sides. When he realized that his usually loudmouthed brother wasn’t going to correct these people of his proper gender with his usually gusto, he turned to the woman and said, “I’m sorry but I think you’re hugely mistaken. Ed is my older brother, and he’s defiantly no girl.”
Al’s voice seemed to wake Ed from his daze and he began shouting, “That’s right Al, I ain’t no goddamn girl! I’m a guy for cryin’ out loud, can’t you people see that?”
At that moment an old woman stepped out of the small covered tent erected behind the kiosk. “What is all the commotion out here?” she demanded as she half stumbled toward the woman and young girl.
“Nothing to worry about, Mom,” the woman says as she quickly gets up and holds the old lady’s arm guiding her to a chair.
“Grandma,” the little girl squeals!
“What is it Lena, dear?” the old woman asks not even glancing at the child.
“Grandma, that girl who saved big brother in the accident last month is back again,” she informs her grandmother.
“Oh really. Where is she? I’d very much like to talk with her again,” she speaks hoarsely.
Ed watched and listened to all this silently but upon hearing himself be referred to as a girl once more could not contain his anger. “Would you people get it through your thick goddamn skulls! I am NOT A GIRL,” he screams in rage!
The elderly woman faces Ed unseeingly, “You! Re you what all this commotion is about,” she asks sternly?
Ed is taken aback by the woman’s sudden and unexpected demand and it manages to cool off his temper a bit. “Umm, yeah I guess so. I’m sorry but I think you’ve all mistaken me for someone else. You see my name is Edward Elric, I’ve never been to this town before in my life, and I’m defiantly not a girl,” he finishes.
“I understand,” the woman says knowingly. “I may not be able to see you, but I can tell by your voice that you’re not the same person of whom my daughter and grandchild speak. She was far more soft spoken and her voice rang in my ears pleasantly like little bells.” Her voice changes to a slightly more tone as she continues, “Your voice young man is harsh and hard on my poor, old, sensitive ears. You’d be kind to remember that when you speak so loudly again.”
For the first time in a while Al speaks sounding apologetic, “Oh I’m so sorry ma’am I didn’t realize that you were blind.”
“Haha,” the woman laughs weakly, “whose pleasant, young voice is this that glides through these old ears?” Don’t be sorry for me young man, and defiantly don’t patronize me. I’m used to life this way and it suits me just fine. I wouldn’t wish it any other way.” She turns her head unnecessarily toward the direction of Al’s voice then speaks to the small child without looking away from where she perceives Al is. “Lena, why don’t you take these two home. I’ll come along at my own pace and we can talk at leisure once we get there.”
“That’s okay ma’am, we don’t want to inconvenience you in any way,” Al replies in earnest.
“Its no trouble at all, besides I insist, “ the woman retorts in equal earnest. “And besides weren’t you boys looking to get something to eat? You’ll be able to eat your fill if you were to come along and keep and old woman company for the remainder of the morning hours.”
At the mention of food Ed’s face lit up with delight even though the sight of it was wasted on the old woman, “Of course we’ll come, right Al? It wouldn’t be polite of us to turn down such a generous offer from an elder.” He gives a short laugh while scratching the back of his head.
“Really Brother,” Al quips, “but what about our train?”
“Oh don’t worry about that, the train’s repair won’t be finished for another good couple of hours,” Ed replies still laughing and grinning. The truth is (as Al knew well) Ed wasn’t thinking about anything but filling his stomach, not even catching their important train to East Headquarters.
The woman smiles gleefully and for one fleeing moment she no longer looks like a wrinkled old woman. “It’s all settled then! Lena lead them home and start setting them up with a late breakfast. Mary dear?” She turns her head towards where the middle-aged woman is sitting behind the table laden with goods for sale. With concern heavy in her voice she asks her daughter, “Are you able to take care of the stand through the morning rush by yourself?”
“Yes mother, I’ll be perfectly fine, I’m quite capable. You run along and have your fun and take care of Lena,” Mary replies surely and with a slight touch of annoyance at having to be asked such a childish question like being able to handle her own job.
Lena by this time has already run down the main street quite a-ways,” Come on slowpokes! Hurry up or I’ll leave you behind and you won’t get to eat.” She takes a few steps backwards taunting them to get a move on.
“We’re coming! We’re coming,” Ed shouts happily and without a backwards glance at Mary or her mother, he runs after the little girl still hurrying down the road, with Al following close behind.
Nov 15 2005, 12:53 AM
Yeesh there goes my veiw number for the topic going up like crazy and yet nobody replies. i know that last chapter left a lot to be desired and I want some opinion from my readers on how to make it better over all. So please if you read then post tell me if it was good, bad, excellent, horrible. Tell me if you hate the story all together or if you feel like the characterization is going in the wrong direction, am I OOC? I need to know these things from my readers in order to improve. Harsh criticism please I want to know how I'm doing.
Frozen Ice Alchemist
Nov 17 2005, 05:56 AM
I'll give comments! I just read it, and is absoulutely fantastic!
Poor Edward... known as the "girl" thats saving people, and if t was to happen
to me;I'd search for the girl.
Nov 19 2005, 06:30 AM
Yeah a comment I can continue writting now that my writting spirit has been feed a little. My writting lives on comments and yours is just a little step in the right direction to keep me going with this story. Thank you.
Nov 27 2005, 09:23 PM
I've be wanting to reply since I read the the 1st chapter...
I like your fanfic but like what some people said, it doesn't really seems to be your 1st fanfic.Its a nice story.Keep updating cuz I'll be reading! ^^ And I am sorry I don't have any constructive comments for you as, you see, my english is not that good too....
Nov 30 2005, 05:38 PM
No that's okay. Any kind of comment is a great comment on my way to continueing this story. Chapter 5: Tales of Children and Miracles, is coming along pretty nicely so I'm hoping that this time I'll have a quick update. Thanks for reading everyone. Oh if you want to read something else while waiting for my update to this story then read my other FMA fic, On My Father's Wing's.