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Kitty Cat
Note this: This IS NOT a Yaoi story about RoyEd. It’s a RoyRiza/EdWin story. Don't like it? Submit a flame. But I won't budge.


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Roy Mustang vs. Edward Elric

I: Ready Steady


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Roy put down his beer bottle and faced the drunken Edward. He wasn’t drunk… he never gets drunk.

“Oi Full Metal.”

“What”

“Want to have a competition?”

“What competition?”

“A competition on getting a girl to fall in love with you in a month.”

“Sure… sounds interesting. Who’s your girl?”

“Riza Hawkeye.”

“Winry Rockbell.”

“Fine. Competition starts tomorrow… the one who loses has to give the other 100 pounds.”

“Sure.” Edward put down his empty beer bottle.

“And you have to make out with both girls.”

“Whoa… so you’re saying that I have to make out with Winry Rockbell? One more bottle please.” He ordered.

“Yeah and me with Riza Hawkeye.”

“OK then one more rule.” Edward said. “You have to go out with that girl and then date her and make out. After a month, we’ll meet back here and see if that girl loves you or not. By asking them “If I was about to die, would you save me and die yourself?”. If she says that she won’t and the other says that she will, then you have to give either one of us 100 pounds AND have to resign from the military. If both say yes then we have to dump them and go out with the others choice.” Ed smirked. It was risky but he wanted to take it.

To his surprise, the colonel agreed.

“Sure it’s a risky game, but I’ll go with it. We’ll start tomorrow.” The colonel paid for his beer and got up and paid for his beer. Even though FullMetal was drunk he never gets drunk. He never understood why the other people were so weak. He walked back to his dorm.

Ed finished his bottle and walked drunkenly back to his dorm.


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“Brother, have you been drinking again?” Al said worriedly. He stood up from the desk and helped his brother to the bed. He discovered that his brother had been drinking a lot since passing the age of 18.

“Yeah, I was out drinking with the colonel.” Ed said. He lay down and was fast asleep and snoring loudly.

“Brother…” Al sat down and waiting for another long night to end…


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A.N.: Pretend that Ed and Al are together in the alchemy world. Ed still has his automail and Al has his armor. Ed is 18 and Al is 17. And as the same as the real world, you can drink alcohol at the age of 18.
hagane_no_tokage
uh... o...kay... O_o that was...uhm...interesting... firstly, might i ask just how much of hagaren you have seen? you...don't strike me as a writer with a very deep understanding of the story.

for example: roy drinks hard liquor, we've never seen him drink beer. somehow i think beer is beneath him. and moreover, edward can't stand him...so why on earth is the boy out drinking with him? (and it might have also done you well to put that little author's note at the beginning of the story instead of the end... here i was thinking the whole time, 'what kind of idiot bartender serves a 16-year-old??')

secondly, still tying in with the previous question of how familiar you truly are with hagaren...? uh, the characters seem a bit...well, out of character, IMO. okay, sure, there's the crutch that they're both under the influence...but that doesn't rearrange your entire personality. i can hardly see the colonel initiating something so juvenile as a 'let's-see-who-can-get-laid-first' contest. even inebriated. also, the relationship between roy and riza, and then ed and winry...they're both very subtle, very professional for the most part. ed and winry, of course, being children, see their closeness in a somewhat more naive light, i would assume, but the affections between roy and riza, and the respect they have for one another would surely prevent the colonel from doing something so undignified as 'making out' with her. and for him to do as much with winry? unheard of. don't you know what still stands between rockbell and mustang? *shakes head* and the way you concluded the scene makes ed sound like a drunkard, and like al is just some poor idiotic fool standing by and watching his brother drink himself stupid. O_o uh...what??

thirdly, your writing style is a bit...erratic. you don't attach much of the dialogue to any particular person, and it makes it a little confusing to try and figure who is speaking with no direction like that. i'm still trying to figure out who suggested that they have to make out with both girls, and who ordered the second round. and if they're in the hagaren world, the currency is 'cens', not 'pounds'. and do you have any idea how much 100 pounds would have been worth in 1914??

might i suggest perhaps reading the manga, or watching the series again before continuing? it might make the whole idea a little more...believable if the characters are kept truer to their personalities...
Sonic-Teal
If this is your first fic or you havent finished the anima/manga I would say alright not the best but good first try. Though I am not one to flame, but um that was kind of out of character most of the time. I can't comment anything new so look above, but all in all good shot you tooka stab and I respect that.
Todlich_Drache'
write more! biggrin.gif
PLEASE!PLEASE! ohmy.gif
I BEG OF YOU! I BEG! I SWOLLOW MY EUROPIAN PRIDE AND BEG! ohmy.gif
I SWALLOW MY DEMONIC PRIDE AND BEG! dry.gif PPL NEED TO WRITE MORE STORIES LIKE YOURS! unsure.gif
biggrin.gif blink.gif huh.gif
what did i say?
oh...yea...
PLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!
WRITE MORE! smile.gif

this is from some one u don't need to know. ph34r.gif rolleyes.gif
FullmetalYuna
QUOTE(Todlich_Drache' @ Apr 8 2005, 06:14 PM)
write more! biggrin.gif
PLEASE!PLEASE! ohmy.gif
I BEG OF YOU! I BEG! I SWOLLOW MY EUROPIAN PRIDE AND BEG! ohmy.gif
I SWALLOW MY DEMONIC PRIDE AND BEG! dry.gif  PPL NEED TO WRITE MORE STORIES LIKE YOURS!  unsure.gif
biggrin.gif  blink.gif  huh.gif
what did i say?
oh...yea...
PLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!
WRITE MORE!  smile.gif

this is from some one u don't need to know. ph34r.gif  rolleyes.gif
[snapback]148935[/snapback]



what she/ he said. same w/the europian pride thing! Im Irish but write the story cause it rocks!!!
wink.gif i would love to see them drunk!
FullmetalYuna
DAMMIT WRITE MORE BITCH!!!
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