QUOTE(eerabbit @ Feb 15 2005, 09:20 PM)
its true that we have to respect our parents but mine sometimes just dont listen.. its like they tune me out and are totally ones sided in the "discussion" that they
lose their temper in and blame me for yelling but thats only because they yelled at me first, do they expect me to sit there while they scream things about me that are totally untrue?!
i think that happens to most people--or me, at least. you guys have heard about my family rants a lot; my dad....well, i love him and i hate him. or rather, i love him, but a lot of the time i don't like him. he's sometimes very irrational and doesn't always know how to express himself and like me, he has a horrible temper, and so when he gets angry at me i can pretty much expect to hear "you idiot! stupid! looking at you makes me sick! your brain has problems!" it hurts some to hear that, but by now i know that he doesn't really mean it and that he's just getting out his anger in the only way he really knows. of course it was worse before when he hit me more, and i really hated that part of my childhood. spill your drink at dinner? smack. skin your knee and cry? suck it up, be quiet, or get spanked. miss a math problem on a test? get whacked rather hard with a pencil on your head. i don't like how i was punished for the smallest things, but it has built my character in certain ways. and physically, it's been fine lately; the last time i remember is sophomore homecoming, when i was accused of infecting our pc with a virus (and i still firmly believe that i was as much to blame as any other users of the computer in our household) and...yeah. but he's so stressed. even more so lately, and it's frustrating for me as well, because it's all taken out on me, and stuff like my grades and college stuff adds to his stress.
QUOTE(arche @ Feb 13 2005, 06:48 AM)
Also, I inherited my father's "severe depression" which makes me sometimes emotionally abusive. I know that I have that element in me, so I compensate. I have to do regular reviews of my own actions to make sure I'm not inappropriately taking out things on my family. When work is tough, that's not an excuse for me to take anything out on my wife and daughter.
In fact, when I do, I thank God my wife will call me on it. Also I have no respect for myself when I do and I have no respect for those others who can't separate thier family from work. They need to realize that their family shouldn't suffer because they are frustated at work. They should do what I did, quit
your job and look for other work that won't cause your family so much stress. If your family only cares about the money you bring in (i.e. needing it to be superior than others), then you are being a victim of your families abusiveness. When work was affecting my family, I talked it over with my wife and we decided that I would leave and look for something else.
true; it isn't right for him to take out his anger on me. but i don't really want him keeping it all in either. he's been working at AMD for what, 15 years now? he's worked his way up to a VP position and works from 8:30am to 10-2am every day and right now he's in texas for a business trip, despite it being my sister's birthday. he works so hard for his family. my sister's at law school right now, and i'm going off to art school in a few months. AMD's stocks aren't doing that great either, and he won't be able to retire for awhile. whether he gets along with his daughters or not, he wants the best for us and the rest of the family. and at the same time, he has diabetes and sometimes kidney stones, and isn't very healthy. he loves us and makes sure we're well provided for, even if we don't spend very much time with him at all. he's going to suffer another few years at work to pay for my college, and if that stresses him, fine. take it out on me. it's not like i expect him to find alternative methods of relieving his stress, but i'm okay with being the victim. in fact, i'd prefer it go to me rather than distribute throughout the family. and i will probably cry at the time, as i am a pretty big crybaby (another frequent-spanking-childhood-aftereffect), but i know not to take it to heart. he doesn't want to quit his job and not let my sister finish law school, or make me go to a UC for art, when private schools provide a better education. he's trying his hardest, but he's not superman.
sure, my family life has done good and bad things to my character, but i assume that'd be the case no matter what kind of life i had while growing up. i have a terrible temper, i get violent at times, i cry a lot, and i suffer from depression a little. but i was brought up to be well-mannered in public, to deal with crazy situations in a level-headed manner, and to not let myself be a doormat (ironically). but when my dad says that i'm not allowed to go out for fun on school nights or weekends, okay. he's not doing it out of spite, but rather for my own good, and though i may be angry with his decision, i'll obey it. i won't be like some of my friends, who'll sneak out behind their parents' backs and go have fun. i've been living under my parents' roof with their money and they've spent my whole life raising me, and i'm grateful for that. if he tells me to do two SAT practice tests a weekend and one or two every day during school breaks, okay (and that sucked really really badly, but i did most of them and it did pay off. >__>;; ).
i see kids in malls and restaurants now, and looking at some of them makes me just really dislike how some kids are raised these days (and contributes to my overall dislike of children). i was raised in a strict chinese household, and seeing these kids running around unreined gets me a little bitter.
i was at the library with a friend the other day, and the posts indicating the line for checkouts were all attached by a bar at the top. the middle post didn't touch the ground, and this little boy was just clinging to it and swinging on it, despite the fact that it was dangerous, and people in line had their books stacked on top. and his mom was standing next to him, and all she was saying was "please stop swinging on the post. please stop, get off. i'm asking nicely, now, please stop swinging on it." eventually she got him off, and a few seconds later he was back on, and after a few more "please"s she gave up for a little bit. the pair got a lot of disgruntled stares from people in line, and the next time she got him off, she compromised so that he could shake the post with his foot, as long as he wasn't clinging to it and swinging around.
my friend (who grew up in a very similar household, if not worse) and i were kind of disgusted. we probably wouldn't have done that to begin with, but if we did, we would have definitely gotten an a yank off and an angry "stop that right now! or i'll spank you!" in chinese. and then a scolding afterwards and revoking of privileges. we followed those orders without a fight (self-preservation instincts, you know), but we didn't grow up to be mindless zombies. we're both very opinionated (and easily angered) people, and if you piss us off or argue with us, we will let you know that we're pissed and will argue with you as long as it takes. and at the same time, when they teacher says to be quiet, we'll be quiet; when sensei asks us if anyone didn't do their japanese homework and we didn't do it, we'll raise our hand. if i'm being yelled at and i don't agree with whatever's being yelled about, i'll "talk back" to a reasonable point, but with my parents, i know when i should shut up. i don't like the way we were raised, but we know what orders to obey and which to stand up against.
when i grow older and if i have a family, i won't raise my kids the same way. i'm not going to jump on my kids for every little mistake and i'm not going to punish them like i was, but i will be as strict as i have to and expect for my [rational] commands to be followed. i'll spoil them moderately (though not as much as some of my friends are -__-) and will give them what they need and to a reasonable extent, what they want, if it's financially okay. i wouldn't want to abuse my status and power; i believe that the head of a family should have his or her authority respected, and at the same time earn that respect.
yikes, that was a long post. sorry, i get a little babbly-ranty on this kind of topic. @__@;;