Hahaha, I really did fall out of my chair. FMA Fanfics are fun. Fanfiction.net is a great webste too. My best friends so far are wynter89, cutemonic fox and Akumarumon I know in 'real life'. I usually write Naruto ones though. The only FMA one I've written is this one (Down people)

What if....

Roy, Riza, Hughes, Armstrong and all the other peoples who are Roy's eternal slaves are all sitting in his office drinking tea and eating tasey crumpetts that Armstrong made. Okay, not really. Almost all of them where here to make complaints. And Armstrong really did make crumpetts though.

"I swear I can't do anything about it!!" Roy said in fear of the other soldiers. Each of them had a complaint. Well, except Riza who was there cause she had to and Hughes who was on his usual pictures-of Gracia-and-Elicia-museam tour.

"Stop lying!" Breda yelled. He thought the cafeteria tried to poisen him because for lunch he had, 4 hot dogs, 7 orders of fries, 20 Big macs, 2 Blizzards, 10 kids meals and tripple the amount of Happy meals, and a McFlurry. Not too much. "They tried to kill me!"

"Well you did order all that food..." Roy tried to reason with him but caused a bigger problem cause now Breda was crying.

"Are you suggesting that I have an eating disorder? That I'm obeese? Bulemic!?" He whined.

"No not at all. I'm just saying, um, how can I put this? Uh, oh screw this! Yes! You're very fat! Its called 'Bowflex' genius try it! Or call Jenny!" Roy said.

"Oh! Oh! I'm going out with her!" Havoc yelled out of random. All attention turned to Havoc. Roy took out a note pad and wrote a note that said;

"Note to self, steal new Jenny Craige girlfriend from Havoc." Roy said as he wrote. Then both Havoc abd Breda left for no apparent reason. "We'll be right back.".........................

Udon: "Well, I'm back, and I've brought my skits with me!"

(crickets sound)

Ed: (shrugging) "That's what you get for ditching us for so long!"

Udon: "No worries, I expected as much! That's why I came prepared!"

Ed: (curious) "Hmm? What could you possibly bring to redeem yourself, Udon? You'd have to go way overboard and write, like, another lemon skit or something to regain the admiration of your audience."

(Udon just grins)

Ed: "Oh no...oh hell no! No! Get the hell away from me! No!"

WARNING!

Ed: "No! No! No! I am not doing this!"

The following skit is of lemon nature! That means-

Ed: (pushing the caption away) "No way! No way! Get rid of it, I don't wanna see it!"

Udon: "But the rest of the audience does! Now if you don't mind..."

That means it contains content of a frank sexual nature. If you are under the age of 18 or are offended by mature content, then DO NOT HIGHLIGHT THE SPOILER!

Ed: "Don't highlight it anyway! Please, for the love of God, someone get me out of here!"

Winry: "What are you complaining about Ed?"

(Ed suddenly see Winry and his eyes bug out)

Ed: "WINRY? But if...you're here...and...lemon's there...then..."

(The dots connect in his head)

Ed: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"

(The two of them suddenly find themselves in a hitherto unspecified bedroom)

Ed: (glancing nervously at Winry) “…So…”

Winry: (blushing furiously) “So.”

Ed: (tears at his hair) “Argh! I’m not good at these sorts of things! I can’t do this, Udon! I quit! I can’t-”

Winry: (grabbing his sleeve) “Wait! Ed…please, I…”

Ed: “Hmm? Winry?”

(Winry bites her lower lip before leaning in to touch her lips to Ed’s, gently dampening his, sending a bright sheen of color to his cheeks)

Ed: (gasping) “Winry! What are you…?”

Winry: (closing her eyes) “Just relax, Ed…”

(She kisses him again, this time taking his face in her hands, leaning over ever so slightly to reach his slighter frame)

Ed: (blushing) “I’ve…never done this before…”

Winry: (cutely) “Me neither. Wanna just wing it?”

Ed: “If…if it’s alright with you…”

(Winry gently lowers him to the bed, pressing his shoulders down, her legs coming to either side of him, resting her wait on his waist. Ed tenses as she begins planting kiss all across his face, slowly unbuttoning his shirt)

Ed: “Winry…”

(Winry flinches)

Winry: “Am I doing it right!?”

(Ed takes her hand in his, before kissing it, sucking on her fingers)

Ed: “You’re doing fine I think…”

(Winry smiles as she slides his black vest off his shoulders, kissing her way down his chest. Her lips traced lines across calloused flesh and taut sinew, scar tissue present where his right shoulder ended and auto-mail began. Having worked on his body in the past, she had a very intimate knowledge of his body. But never like this.)

Winry: “Ed…”

(She slides out of her work clothes, leaving little more than a black tube top and panties to the imagination)

Ed: (blushing furiously) “You’re…wow, Winry, I…you’re so gorgeous…”

Winry: “Oh, stop teasing Ed…”

(Ed leaned up to kiss her, stroking her face)

Ed: “I’m sorry…for all that time spent. It must have seemed like I was ignoring you.”

Winry: “No, no…it’s alright, Ed…you were looking for the philosopher’s stone and-”

(She is cut off by another kiss as Ed flips her over, pinning her wrists to the bed)

Ed: “That’s no excuse for breaking your heart. The truth is, I knew that if I entertained those thoughts, I’d never stop. But now…”

Winry: “Ed…”

Ed: (resting his weight on her) “I didn’t see, because…I didn’t wish to see. I didn’t feel like I deserved this kind of happiness.”

Winry: “Ed…don’t say things like that. Everyone deserves happiness.”

(Tears begin to flow from his eyes)

Ed: “Oh, Winry…I’ve loved you for so long, I just didn’t have the heart to burden you…”

(Winry strokes his face, kissing his tears away)

Winry: “Hush now, Ed…it’s all in the past now…”

Ed: (sniffing) “…Thank you, Winry…”

(Winry kisses him again, wrapping her legs around his waist)

Winry: “Make love to me, Edward…”

(He smiles and kisses her again, stroking her hair from her face as he nudged her legs apart with his knee, pressing himself against her. Winry gasped she felt his hardness against her, and she panted desperately as he slid down her panties and began tickling her outsides.)

Winry: “Oh Gods, Ed!”

(Ed kisses her again, gently touching her damp folds, testing the waters, before gently parting her, dipping into her soft center, and she let out a scream)

Winry: “ED!”

(Her fingers dug into his back as he entered her, her toes flexing and unflexing at his presence, and she screamed again and again. He buried himself in her, kissing her all over as he tickled her G-spot from the inside, sending her screaming in ecstasy)

Winry: “Oh yes…ED!”

(Panting and sweating, Ed filled her, grunting her name as he felt her clamp down around him. Unable to hold back, he released, collapsing on top of her as their essences collided in a tumult of steam and passion.)

Ed: “Winry…”

Winry: “Oh, Ed…Oh Gods, that was…”

Ed: (kissing her again) “Yes?”

(Winry looks up to meet his gaze)

Winry: “That was unbelievable!”

(Ed rests his head on her shoulder)

Ed: “Yeah…”

(Ed wanted to scream. Unbelievable? That had been better than he ever could have imagined! He wanted to fall asleep in her arms. He wanted to wake up and find her dozing next to him, and kiss her awake. He wanted to spend the rest of his life like this.)

Ed: “…It was.”

Al: O.O

Roy: O.O

Riza: O.O

Udon: "See? Told ya I'd deliver?"

Roy: "Udon...I think that was the sappiest piece of pornography I've ever seen."

Udon: (shrugging) "What can I say? I'm a sap. Besides, lemons aren't "graphic" since the word "graph" refers to light, hence the photo/video aspect of pornography. This is simply adult literature and-"

Roy: "That's besides the point! The point is, now this entire video I've recorded isn't going to make a penny! Nobody's gonna wanna watch this kind of second rate crap!"

Riza: "What!? You were recording them!?"

Udon: "What!? Second rate crap!?"

(Ed emerges out of the bedroom in a hastily drawn bathrobe.)

Ed: "I'm gonna make this very simply, Mustang..."

(He transmutes his automail)

Ed: "The video or your life - your choice. You have five seconds to decide before I take both."

Roy: (Holding his arms up nervously) "Now now, Fullmetal...let's be reasonable..."

Ed: "Two seconds..."

Roy: (Pointing) "Hey look, Winry's naked!"

Ed: "I'm not falling for it."

Udon: (Blinking) "Um...actually..."

(Before Ed can turn around, a metal wrench comes flying out of nowhere and-)

CLONG!

(Hits Roy on the head)

Winry: (A bed sheet drawn around her body) "You hesitate too much, Ed. Didn't Izumi teach you anything?"

Ed: "I thought he'd at least respond to a death threat. I guess I was wrong."

Riza: "You know, I should really be kinda peeved at you knocking out my charge, but I find myself unable to care. He brought that on himself."

Udon: "Well, you might wanna start caring. With Ed and Winry done, that leaves one last lemon to write."

(Riza fixes Udon with a cold hard glare and then walks away)

Udon: (Sobbing) "I can't tell if that was a good sign or a bad sign!"

Ed: "She's either going to load her gun or powder her nose."

Udon: "I'll just sit here and let that thought ruminate for a bit. You two go off and have fun."

Winry: "You heard him Ed..."

(She grabs him and whisks him back into the bedroom)

Udon: "And now to plot my next devious dastardly deed...mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha... Oh, and, incidentally, nice job Rigolette!"

Udon: "..."

Ed: "It seems you got zero responses."

Udon: "..."

Ed: "Heck, I expected someone would at least stop by to point and laugh, but zero responses? Man, that's tough!"

Udon: "..."

Ed: "You even wrote another lemon skit and everything! Where's the love?"

Roy: "Wow, the situation must be dire for you to show concern for Udon, Full Metal."

Ed: "Well, if he gets into another funk like before, , it'll be months, years before he writes again! I don't want to stay inactive for that long!"

Udon: "..."

:Udon starts crying:

Al: "Ahh! People, people, come on! Things are getting desperate here!"

You aren't funny. Sorry but it's true.


We can but hope.

Udon: (scowls) "Well, that was unnecessarily rude."

Ed: "Really, no constructive criticism or nuthin'! Even I'm not that mean to you, Udon. Maybe I should ask for tips."

Udon: "Now normally I'm not one to toot my own horn, but look at the last..." (counts) "...13 pages of this thread! I have literally been carrying this entire thread, and have been receiving nothing but compliments from everyone who's bothered to read up until now!"

Ed: "Until this guy actually gets it that you have no skill. But even I have to admit, if you want to make a solid point, you gotta offer proof, evidence, and hopefully offer some helpful advice for how to improve. You don't just damn someone and tell them off - trust me, that never works, and I've tried!"

Udon: "I admit, these last couple of posts haven't been funny, but that's because my true source of humor comes from fan requests! And besides, it's called the "Spam" section, because we can right whatever we want to here!"

Ed: "Uh...doesn't that mean that he has every right to say what he just said?"

Udon: "Well...yeah, but it also means I have every right to rant and rave about it!"

Ed: (groaning) "Great. Let me know when you're done."

Udon: (continuing) "So get some more requests in! I'm in an artistic state now where I actually feel like writing stuff down! So damn me if you want, I'm still gonna write my skits for...well, for however long this streak of inspiration lasts!"

Ed: (whispering) "Psst - if you really want him to stop, then don't post anything at all! That'll really send him packing!"

Udon: "I heard that!"

(He chases after him)

Winry: "Men..."

Al: "Nii-san! Udon! Please, stop fighting! It's time like these that we must stick together!"

Ed: "Have you ever eaten udon noodles? They tastes like ground horse shit!"

Udon: "I got your 'ground horse shit' - right here!"

Winry: (shrugging) "We tried reasoning with them..."

Al: (nodding) "We did..."

Winry: "Roy - smoke 'em."

Roy: "With pleasure..."

SNAP!

FWOOOOM!

(Two rather scorched looking boys lay prone on the ground)

(Roy, Winry and Al wave)

All: "Until next time!"

Al: Hey Brother, do you know what's really unfunny and very retarded?
Ed: Colonel Sarcasm?
Al: Noo~ It's people who basically reply to posts via the medium of sketches and/or skits.
Ed: Yeah, that is rather dull. Also, skits that have no real rhythm or over all theme...
Al ...or skits that don't build up to an even semi decent joke at the end. That really is terrible.
* Roy enters
Roy: ...or no stage directions if characters are going to be entering late or leaving throughout the skit.
Al: That's right.
Ed: I also find people who hide behind the word "Spam" as if it gives them a right to post any old shit and call it a post annoying. While it is indeed true that anyone can post there are still limits. Profanity, for one, can not be used excessively. Also, just because you can post doesn't mean you should. I can turn Al into a lawn decoration but I'm won't because it would be stupid.
Al: To true, Brother.
Roy: Indeed. Free speech isn't a right, it's a gift that can all to easily be taken away, as such it would be wise not to use it when you, yourself, recognise that what you have to say isn't worth it. For example...
Al: ...Posting skits that you, yourself, say aren't funny.
Ed: I'd also point out there is probably a reason that no one is giving this Udon fellow any requests and that would be they don't want to hear any skits from him.
Al: Could that be why he's "Carrying" this thread? Because he can't realise that nobody else gives a damn?
Roy: Probably. The wise thing to do would be to back away, admit that you have failed and maybe come back with a decent skit or, heaven forbid, try posting in other topics where other peoples input would be welcome.
Al: In short, let the thread go.
Ed: What do you mean by "short"? Are you having a crack at me you damn Tin can?

Ba-dum-tish.

Kya-ha-ha-ha! Popogeelo, you're an evil man! Hilarious skit!

OMG... maybe this should be, "The Excellent Bad FMA Jokes Thread"... great stuff, Migchao (and yours is cute, too, Little Washu).

Okay, I'll try... *gives it a shot* How about...
"The Colonel's Comedic Skills"
*WARNING!!! CONTAINS SHORT JOKES!!! *
In RL I actually love short people. Don't take it offensively!

Roy: So Fullmetal walked into a bar. Actually, the bottom rung of a ladder... *ba-da-bup*

Roy: What has antennae, is red and black and small in general?
...A shrimp!

Roy: What do you call Ed when he's let himself go a bit?
...A broad bean!

Roy: What kind of person's hair spikes up gold when they're angry?
...A super saiyan! (Tricked you there!)

Roy: What kind of person's hair spikes up gold all the rest of the time, too?
...That chibi, Edward's. ^____^;

Roy: So, Ed walks into a bar. The kind with drinks this time! The bartender tells him he's too young for a drink, but their water's been cut off for maintenence. All they have is milk. Ed's very thirsty, but he doesn't want to drink it. The bartender sees this and comes up with a proposition.
He pours a glass of what looks like milk, and tells Ed it's a milk substitute made of soy. They'd started to carry it as a family of their common customers had some kind of allergy to the real thing. Ed, curious, drank it, and found that not only did it not taste like milk, but he found it actually quite good, and he rather enjoyed it.
My question is if a bean drinks a bean drink, does that make him a cannibal?

Roy: A young man named Jack was from a poor family. One day, he traded his family's last bit of livestock for a bean. He was told that if he planted it, a beanstock would grow leading to a castle; but Jack was sure he knew the story already. His mother was angry and she hit him until she fell asleep. He looked at Edward and said, "Ironic you'll lead me to a giant."

Roy: While interrogating several people, a man told Edward he could give him a heads up. He promptly went down on his knees and did so.

Roy: Edward Elric and Harry Potter were face to face in dueling stance, each ready to attack the other. The philosopher's stone was between them. Being a customary thing amonst men, they decided to begin the battle with a cool sounding line before beginning their fight.
Edward said, "Let's do this already!"
Harry said, "No matter what you do, I'll be protected by my mother's love. Whereas we already know... you'll be maimed by it."

And as a comeback...
Hawkeye's Comedic Skills!
... I'll post them after the next reply!

This is a good thread

@Doragon-Ryuu: Do continue, they're really funny and I'd really like to see the next lot

Merging "The Random Jokes., Pure randomness...couldn't think of a title..." with the preceding 15 posts to "Skits And Funny Fma Scenes And Fma Jokes!, Post your creations here!!" thread.

This is a very interesting thread. I wonder what'll come next...

This thread looks cool! Oh I got a skit, but it really stinks (Contains context not suitible for those under 13) *except for the author*



PART 1: ENDING UP IN MY PC

(Edward suddenly pops up of PC screen)

Ed: Wh....Where am I?! This isn't the gate?!

(Al falls down from the sky)

Al: OUCH! Oh, BROTHER!!! (hugs Ed)

Ed: (pushes him off) Al what the hell are you doing here?! WHERE IS HERE?!

Al: I sorta....followed you...ANNNNNNYYYWAAAYSS-where are we Nii-san?

Alli: Hi guys!

Ed & Al: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (Jumps)

(Ed brings out auto-mail sword-thingy)

Ed: Who are you and where are we?!??!?!?!

Alli: You are in my computer! You see, you are just a character in a 51 chapter manga! You are also in a movie, anime, and several video games! (Brings out her 'ANIME-NIA' magazine)

Ed: (Takes the magazine and skims it) What.....What IS this bull?

Alli: I TOLD YOU! Now check this out! (Goes to file and grabs pic of Winry)

(Win falls from the sky)

Winry: Where am I?! Who are you?! ED?! AL?!

Ed &Al: WINRY!!!

Winry: I was JUST working of Mr. Falcers auto-mail!

Alli: Sorry, but it seems that YOU 3 are trapped in my PC!

Ed, Al, & Winry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Alli: Shut up or I'll bring Barry the Chopper in here!

Ed, Al, & Winry: (quiet)

Alli: Okay then, I'll give you a tour of my PC!

Too be continued...........

PART 2: The Horrors of fanfiction

Ed Al, & Winry: (Walking around in the computer)

Winry: (Points to toolbar) What's this? 'F-A-N-F-I-C-T-I-O-N"

Alli: Um....you REALLLY don't wanna read that.....

ED: Why not? I love to read!

Al: Ditto!

Alli: But!

Ed, Al, & Winry: PPPPPPPPPWWWWWWEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEE?!?:!?!

Alli: Fine then! (Opens 'FANFICTION.NET)

Alli: See? You go to 'ANIME/MANGA" then "FullMetal Alchemist"

Ed: HAHA! The show's named after ME!

Winry: Then why didn't they just call it 'FullMetal Chibi'?

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE'S SMALLER THAN A EMI-CON!

Alli & Al: SHUT UP!

Ed, Al, Winry: (Read a FMA fanfiction)

Ed: Edwin? What's that?

(they continue reading)

Alli: (Leaves to go get CHOCOLATE MILK!)

(From the PC)................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ed: HOLY JESUS!!!!!!!

Winry: WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?!

Al: (rolls on the floor laughing)

Alli: (drinking milk: It's fanfiction. Stories made up by fans. Alot of FMA fans are Edwin fans!

Ed: I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH WINRY!

Winry: YEA WHAT HE SAID!

Alli: (grins) Okay Ed, then read this, (Shows him an EdRoy Fic)

Ed: (shutters in horror)

Ed: Oh....my....god....those.....those sick bastards.....

Alli: Told you, these people are crazy, genius, but crazy

Al: (grabs other fanfiction) I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW THIS TO GRANNY! ED AND WINRY SITTIN' IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!

Ed and Winry: (blushes)

Alli: (gives him another fic *lemon*)

(Al looks at it and laughs more)

Al: Let me rephrase that, ED AND WINRY SITTIN' IN A TREE! F-U-C-K-I-N-G!

Ed: I'll kill whoever writes this junk!

Winry: My wrench is ready to go!

Alli: Sorry guys, but there is millions of authors around the world. Including me......

Ed & Winry: Aw mmmmmmmmaaaaaaannnnnnn!!!

Ed: Wait what?

Here is my idea, although it might be more frightening than funny. After Envy shows Edward his real face, he doesn't kill Edward. Instead, Envy pulls out a hypodermic needle hidden in his hair (who KNOWS what is in there!) and he injects Ed with a knock out drug.

Edward wakes up tied spread-eagled on a bed somewhere in Dante's hideout. With Envy's help, she forces Ed to drink a disgusting liquid she calls "Milk of Amnesia". Each glass knocks him out again, and when he wakes up, Ed remembers less and less of his past. By the 5th dose, he can't even remember his own name.

Dante tells him his new name is "Pride" and she begins feeding him red stones. They don't turn him into a homunculus, but they do change his personality, from likeable to complete b******d. In other words, more like Envy, who Dante says is his brother. Envy tells Edward his own backstory and there is lots of brotherly "bonding."

Meanwhile, the other homunculi are so fixated on this drama, no one notices Alphonse gets loose and he high-tails it for the upper world of Central. Good thing too, because Envy has convinced "Pride" it would be a real hoot to scratch off Al's blood seal.

They are disappointed to find Al is gone, but Dante
has a better idea. She sends Envy to Risembool to kidnap Winry and bring her back as a mate for "Pride". (She has somehow found out the Fuhrer is dead). So this sets the scene, Envy dumps the angry, struggling Winry on the floor in front of Dante and "Pride".

Dante: Here she is, Pride, your lovely bride as promised

"Pride": Hot diggity! *He pops another red stone like popcorn into his mouth.*

Winry: E -Ed? Edward? *She jumps up and throws her arms around him* Oh, Edward! I'm so glad you're here!

Dante: OK, Pride, you know what to do now.

"Pride": Uh, do what? *grins idiotically*

Dante: *annoyed* Seduce her, you dummy!

"Pride": Uh, what does that mean?

Dante: *steamed* You have sex with her, you know! *suddenly realizes she will have to be graphic and blushes* Oh, d****t! Envy! You're his brother - YOU show him! *stalks off*

Envy: OK, Ed - I mean Pride, first, you gotta get naked.

"Pride": Naked!? It's naked time! Whee! *Rips off all his clothes and runs around* I'm free! I'm free!

Envy: *slaps himself on forehead* No, stupid! *Whaps "Pride" on the back of his head and knocks him face first on the floor.

"Pride": *jumps up in anger* What'ja go and hit me for?

Winry: *looks back and forth between them and wonders what the hey is going on. Sees Ed's "ding-a-ling" and covers her face with her hands*

Envy: Pay attention, idiot! You see that? *Looks down at Ed's crotch*

"Pride": See what? *Follows Envy's gaze, gasps in horror, and puts his hands over his "astonishment".

Envy: You have to get that thing hard, and then stick it inside that girl.

"Pride": *slyly* And for what reason?

Envy: To make babies, you schmuck! *Slaps Ed on the head*

"Pride": Ouch! *He slaps Envy back and a "two stooges" moment breaks out. It turns into a three stooges moment when Gluttony walks in and gets slapped by accident.

Envy: D****t Gluttony! What do you want!?

Gluttony: Can I eat the girl?

Envy: *blows up* NO! Now get lost! *Grabs Ed by the throat, points and Winry* Now, you idiot, get over there and put a baby into her or I'll kick your a**!

"Pride": *grumbling* OK! OK! You don't have to be so mean about it. *Goes up to Winry and stares at her for a moment, then returns to Envy.* Umm, where does it go?

Envy: Must I spell it out for you?

"Pride": *innocent look on his face* No, just show me

Envy: *starts to speak, then he suddenly realizes he doesn't know anything about the anatomy of human females. So he stomps over to the door, opens it and calls out* Hey! Lust! Sloth! Come over here for a minute, 'k?

*Lust and Sloth walk over and stand just outside the door*

Lust: What is it?

Envy: Um...*pauses*

Sloth: We haven't got all day, Envy, spit it out!

Envy: Uh, do you remember, erm, having, ah, sex while you were still human!

Lust: *eyes glitter dangerously* If you're looking for a threesome, Envy, forget it!

Envy: *waves his hands in the air* No! No! It's nothing like that! It's just...

Sloth: Just WHAT!?

Envy: Dante told the kid to screw that mechanic girl, and he doesn't know what to do. H**l, I don't know what to do! can you help me out here?

So Sloth and Lust take pity and tell Envy. A blush spreads from his throat to his hairline and his eyes widen like saucers.

Envy: Uh, thanks. I don't need to hear any more of this smut, thank you very much. *He backs up and slams the door shut, then spins around, his face is still red*

"Pride": Well?

Envy: Shut up, Pride! Lemme think!

Winry: *arms folded, sarcastically* Take your time.

Envy: OK, first things first. We gotta take off her clothes.

"Pride": *hopeful* All of them

Envy: *back to his old, evil self* That's right, little bro. ALL of them, every stitch.

"Pride": Whee! It's naked time again! *Capers about the room*
It's naked time! It's naked time! Yo-ho-ho! It's naked time!

Envy: *whaps Ed again* Shut up already! You're giving me a headache THIS BIG! Now quit messing around and take her clothes off!

"Pride": *advances on Winry, who backs up* Hey, Winry! Wanna get naked?! *He offers her some red stones* Try some of these! They're nice and crunchy, but they need a little salt.

"Pride" reaches for Winry's shirt and lunges, but when he touches her chest, she pulls out the wrench she was hiding behind her back and cold-cocks him. Pride lays cross-eyed, on the floor.

"Pride": OOO! Look at the pretty birdies!

Envy: *buries face in hands* Oh, geesh! Send a human to do a homunculi's job... *He advances on Winry* C'mon, take 'em off, take 'em all off. *Leers*

Winry: What part of 'don't touch me your disgusting freak of nature' do you not understand? *swings the wrench*

Envy: OOO! Look at the pretty stars!

Half an hour later, Winry is still clothed and Envy and "Pride" have huge, pulsating lumps on their heads. They sit together across the room from her and strategize.

Envy: OK, here's what we do. I've seen humans do really stupid things when they are drunk, things they wouldn't normally do when they are sober. So, we'll get a bunch of booze and get her drunk!

"Pride": Yeah!

Envy: I'll go raid Dante's liquor cabinet, and you make sure Winry stays here, 'k?

"Pride": *grins wickedly*


Another half hour goes by and Envy returns with several bottles of liquor in a basket. He's got vodka, ouzo, whiskey, brandy, cognac, tequila, etc. Plus three large brandy snifters. In the meantime, "Pride" has been offering more red stones to Winry while he says the same thing over and over: They don't taste too bad, but they need salt.

"Pride": Which one will get her drunk faster?

Envy: I dunno, let's mix 'em all together!

"Pride": Yeah!

They do so and pour some of each bottle equally into three brandy snifters. "Pride" takes on over to Winry.

"Pride": Here ya go honey! Drink up!

Winry: *takes the snifter warily, just in case Ed is thinking of grabbing her chest again*

Envy: What's the matter, Winry? Do you still drink milk, or something? *sneers*

Winry: No, but I want to see you guys drink first, you know, you never know if there's poison in this glass! *smiles innocently*

Envy: *snorts* Huh! You think we men can't handle our liquor?! We'll show you! Won't we Pride?

"Pride": *does a double take* Uhm, yeah!

Both drain their snifters of liquor at once. Both go "bleh!" right after, but they manage not to throw up.

Winry: *takes the tiniest sip of her drink and makes a face* OK, I took a drink, now it's your turn again!

Envy fills his and Pride's snifters with another alcohol mixture and they drink it down.

Envy: *slurs a little* Ok-shay, now you gotsha drinksh!

In another hour, the bottles are empty and both Envy and Pride are dead drunk. Pride has actually passed out, and Envy is close to it. What neither of them knows is Winry actually spat out each sip back into her snifter, so she's still stone cold sober. Once Envy passes out, she goes to the door and opens it. Seeing the coast is clear, she leaves the room, gently closing the door behind her.

Fin: (whew!)

Me: @Udon Do another one, there really is a fanbase out there.
Ed: Why don't you do one?
Me: Me, oh I don't know, you see I'm not ver...
Al: Come on, write.
Me: What about Udon?
Ed: Steal his crown. make him pay for stealing your spotlight.
Al: Actually, it was his spotlight to begin with.
Ed: Whatever.
Me: I can't do that, I'm to nice of a guy.
Ed: Well I'm not.
(Ed writes a two paragraph skit)
Ed: How do you like it.
Al: Well, it's kind of short.
Ed: (steaming) WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT!!!!
(Ed and Al chase each other in circles)
Me: Huh? Ahh, oh well, If you want a suggestion why not do a skit that involves Roy, Ed, and a banana. NOT YAOI.
Ed: (out of breath) What? You want me and Roy to do what with a banana?
Me: Thats for Udon to decide.
Ed. Why you. (Ed runs after me)
Me: Looking forward to your next one. (runs off of stage)

Hey, how about a skit where Fullmetal Alchemist hits Who's Line is it Anyway? It can be quick and easy, and I'm sure lots of fun :3

Ed: Well, I take it we are all finding this SOOO fascinating.

Al: well, of course they are. Just look at them all. Some of dancing. I really liked the crayon and lifeboat one. I love the color blue!
And envy... and liquor...and Roy... and you..... and Winry...

Me: The people know what they want, and they know what humor is. Thats where we come in.

Ed: whaddaya mean??

Me: Ya know, do a little dance, make a little joke, just have fun with it.

Al: Can I have my crayon back??

Me: Sure, here's a whole box. *hands him a box*

Al: SQUEE!!

Ed: Okay, heres my joke: No smoking on the hydrogen blimp. ~~Puff Puff~~ *BOOM!* Hindenburg...

Me: Youre in Fullmetal Alchemist. You dont know what a blimp is.

Ed: whatever. Thats retarded.

Me: Well, lets drag Roy into this and see what happens.

Al: Hey, there are no crayons in this box.

Me: *hands him a whole box of crayons and dissapears through a door*

Ed: wonder where she ran off to. *Stares at Al staring at his crayons.* youre such a dork

Me: *Drags roy in by the shirt colar* Ed called you a dorkist racist low life over-achiever. Are you gonna take that from him?

Roy: Oh yeah, Well, Ed is sooo short, he is microscopic bean sized midget unicellular sized with extra shrimpness in a bucket of shrimpy cocktail sauce. What ya gonna do about that, beany??

Ed: Im not a... whatever the hell you said.

Al: *Absentmindedly mumbles* a microscopic bean sized midget unicellular sized with extra shrimpness in a bucket of shrimpy cocktail sauce.

Roy: bean.

Ed: Im not a bean.

Roy: bean.

Ed: Im NOT a bean.

Roy: beanbeanbeanbeanbeanbean.

Ed:...I'll kill you...

Me: actually... this chart says the peole dont want to see you injuring each other. They want to see a litlle more... how can I say this... romantic action.

Ed&Roy: EEW, OMFG, WTF, WTH, and other nonsense bitebacks and denials.

Al: *is proceeding to draw on his loincloth with crayons* heehee!

Winry: *just happens to walk in* what the hell is going on?

Me: *points at Roy and Ed* They were just making out!!

Winry: OMG, are you serious?? *Goes after Roy with a wrench.

Me: Mumbles>> Wow, isnt that suggestive...

Ed: It is nothing of the sort. You are playing our emotions against each other. *Gets whacked in the back of the head with a wrench thrown at breakneck speed* OW! WHAT THE HELL?

Scar: *Walks in out of nowhere and taps Ed on the shoulder*

Ed: *Briefly turns around and glances at scar* Oh, hey Scar. *Turns back to me, then does a double take, screams like a girl, then runs*

Scar: GET BACK HERE!! *runs after him*

Me: And so, in this badly drawn attempt at making something funny, all ends in havoc and chaos. Lets do a recapitulation. Scar is chasing Roy and Ed, who didnt want to do something romantic, and Winry thinks they were doing something to that affect, so she is teaming up with Scar and throwing wrenches at them both.

Al: *Stands* Look, I drew a kitty! * The kitty is upside down on his loincloth, because it is attached to him, and he was siiting when he drew it.*

Me: Busts a gut and falls onto her back, laughing hysterrically.

@Alli-Cat Alchemist, and IttyBittyPretty, and th3 k3y mast3r, nice ones!!
(Sorry for the delayed response!! )

@slightly-smiling - Haha, Roy is mean!! LOL!! I liked it!! ^^

This is a skit that me and my friends are going to do at Youmacon 2007!

Sloth: *Exasperated sigh* Another boring day... nothing to do... Even if there was something to do, I wouldn't do it...

Wrath: *In distance* Mommy!

Sloth: .....

Wrath: *Comes running out on stage* Mommymommymommymommy!

Sloth: *Runs around, and then loses breath 5 seconds later* Oh god...

Wrath: *Glomps Sloth* Mommy!

Sloth: *Falls over and pretends to be dead*

Wrath: Mommy? Mommy, wake up! *Kicks*

Sloth: Augh! ENVY! Help me!

Envy: *Walks out on stage* What is it?

Sloth: Get him off of me! Do anything!

Envy: *Ponders, then walks up to Wrath, wrapping his arms around him* You know Wrath... *Sexy voice* I've always loved you...

Wrath: *Runs away*

Sloth: ... Did you really?

Envy: NO! *Blushes* Maybe... *Walks away*

Sloth: ... Men.

This is a little something I wrote a few months ago, and put on my deviant art journal. I thought it was funny at the time - heck, I STILL think it's funny. So I copied and pasted it here for your reading pleasure. More or less. Here goes:

This idea for a "prequel" to the "Hagaren Kids" OVA has been nibbling for a while and it will not go away. So that tells me I HAVE to write it down:
PLACE: Tokyo
TIME: 1960s or 70s

INT DAY: A black screen. Snoring is heard. The screen slowly dissolves into a close up of a closed eye. The camera inches back and we see TWO closed eyes. Then, music is heard. (NOTE: The song being played would have been a tune so insanely popular in Japan in the 60s or 70s, it was played ALL the time. And so it became EXTREMELY annoying)

The sleeper awakens with a snort. The eyes pop open and blink a few times before narrowing when he realizes THAT song is playing.

INT DAY: The side of the bed is seen, suddenly two legs thump onto the floor - one of flesh, the other of automail. Much grumbling is heard as an automail hand first reaches for a robe, then slippers. Glimpses of the "grumbler's" body can be seen, but not his face.

INT DAY HALL: A door opens and a man with very long blond hair stumbles out and heads away from the camera and towards the kitchen. His face is in shadow from the side.

INT DAY KIT: A radio is seen, then the camera pans to a woman seen from behind. She's humming along to the music as she cooks breakfast. Camera pans over to ALPHONSE ELRIC sitting at the table. He's drinking tea and reading the newspaper. He looks up and smiles at the new arrival and says:

"Good morning, Sleep - oh, NO! NO, BROTHER! DON'T -!"

The woman screams: "No, Papa-san, please!"

But it's too late.

EXT DAY: The window of an apartment in Tokyo. The distant scream of a woman is heard just before there is a flash of blue light. A bang is heard, then the window smashes and something in flames shoots out and into the stratosphere

EXT DAY: People throughout Tokyo see this blazing object and point to it. A newscast breaks into TV programming:
"Another flaming object was seen hurtling thorough the sky over Tokyo this morning. Spectulation has been rife as to what "it" is: a meteor? an alien spaceship? a burning aircraft? Godzilla?"

MEANWHILE - THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.

EXT DAY: A rice paddy in China. Earnest Young Communist Peasants are working in the paddy while they sing Earnest Young Communist Working Songs. Suddenly, a whistling sound is heard overhead.

Random Peasant #1: Uh-oh!
RP#2: Not again!
RP#3: Incoming! Hit the dirt!

People run away in panic as the whistling sound grows louder, and then something slams hard into the middle of the rice paddy, which sends water and rice shootlets flying in every direction.

HOURS LATER:

EXT NIGHT: A team of Chinese scientists in "bunny suits" send a remote controlled robot into the rice paddy to retrieve the smoking "thing". A claw on the robot picks it up and brings it closer to the camera mounted on it's body. The scientists lean in for a good view, one fiddles with the controls to focus. The "thing" is smoking, half melted and blackened, but enough of it remains to show it once was a - transistor radio.

BACK IN TOKYO

INT DAY: The woman is standing at the destroyed window, seen from behind. She's up on tiptoes and her right hand is over her eye, shielding it from the morning sun as her radio flys into the wild blue yonder. Alphonse stands next to her, hands on hips. He's digusted.

Woman speaks: "Darn you, Papa-san! That is the seventh one you've launched this month! The neighbors are starting to complain."

There is no answer, so Alphonse turns to say "You idiot!" for the thousandth time to his older brother. What instead leaves his lips is a very rude word in Japanese.

His brother is sitting in his recently vacated chair while drinking HIS tea and reading the newspaper.
The morning sun slanting in through the window makes it hard to see his face clearly, but EDWARD ELRIC looks Very Pleased With Himself.

The End.
********
Whaddaya think?

This could also be set in the alchemic world Tokyo.

@Envy-chan - Oh, you're gonna do that skit at Youmacon 2007?? Nice!!
Hope you take some pics, and show us!!

@IttyBittyPretty - Hehe, that's funny!!
Thanks for sharing it with us!! ^^

@IttyBittyPretty- Nice! xD

@Tombow- Yep! It'll be our second skit. We're going to do a Naruto one at Jafax.

TY Tombow, and Envy-chan for the nice words. Now, I wouldn't say no if someone wanted to make that into a fan-made video (either live action, or animated). *hint*

Ed: Well, Im back, because... my manager... is forcing me. {sob}

Me: Its okay, Edo-kun. We all know your manager is a jerk.

Ed:This is your fault. Youre the one making us do funny things.

Me: Well, it is convolution.

((Later on at the Rockbell residence, it is somewhere near three in the morning, and she is sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of saki in one hand and a wrench in the other))

Winry: I'd better get to bed...~twitchtwitch~ ((She puts away the saki and goes through the totally dark living room, tripping on a certain someone who she recognizes as Edward, because she kicked his automail, but then lands on someone else, who does not have automail, or metal of any kind.))

Ed: Ow, what the hell, Winry.

Winry: Ed. who is this? (She is answered by a deep voice which takes her a second to register.)

Roy: Winry?

Winry: What the hell are you doing in my house??

Ed: Wait, Winry, its not what you think. No, wait, put down that wrench. What are you going to do with that wrench?? Put it dow. Winry, just back away slow. No, wait! What are you gonna do to me with that???Winry! No! AAH-!

(( back to reality)

Ed: hey , that never happened!

Me: but it was funny. admit it.

Ed: NO IT WASNT FUNNY! IT WAS RETARDED!!!

Al: I thought it was pretty good. Though I didn't think you'd be retarded enough to sneak Roy-sama into Winrys house.

Ed: Im telling you, that never happened!!

((Later, on a dimly lit stage, Ed walks on with a handful of cue cards.))

Ed:: The reason why Max-Chan and my brother are nopt here to inform you of this is because they are bound, gagged, and locked in a back closet. The suggestive scenes as told by Max are not in any way fatual. I AM NOT in love or have I had relations with in any way, shape or form with the Colonel.

Me:: {Swings in on a rope and kicks Ed in the head} How dare you lock me in the closet!!!

Ed:: No, Max, its not what you think!! The closet just happened to lock!! No...Max, what are you doing? Put the pool stick down. Max, just back away slow. What are you gonna do with that? No! Get away from me!! AAH-!

Roy:: Why am I not in this one?? I never got to talk for myself...

Winry:: Neither did I... {sob}

Ed: Im tired of this. I am quitting.

Me: No, Ed, you can't quit. You're under contract.

Ed: {Sob} Never sign anything if you don't know what it is, man.

Al: I signed one, too, and, I have to say, what Max-Chan is doing to Nii-san is pretty funny.

Me: Thank you, Al. Anyway, lets just go and see what my little mind has come up with now.

((In an office, Ed is sitting at a desk, with a pen in his left hand, writing away. Every now and then, he'll scratch out a bit, and rewrite some.))

Me: Edo-kun, what are you writing?

Ed: Go away, Max. You've ruined my life enough.

Me: Come on... tell me. You know suspense is bad. I can't live under pressure. I HAVE A HEART MURMUR!!

Ed: you do not.

Me: Whatever. So, what is it? What your writing. ( Snatches it away )

Ed: NUUU! DONT READ THAT!!!!!

Me: Why, its poetry. Never knew Ed to be such a deep person.

Ed: Someone shoot me.

Me: Lets read it, shall we??

Ed: Im not going to protest. I know youll read it anyway.

Me: Life, as told by Edward.

((Somehow, there is an audience, ready to hear Eds poetry. Roy, Winry, Al, Havoc, all the people from Liore, and even the fuhrer.)

Me: Here we goes.
'Even in this world of pain and strife,
A heart must learn to look ahead,
and see
that it has brighter days coming.
Even in the war torn world
A rose still grows.
Bright and beautiful
the sun shines,
though no one tells it,
we know it'll be there in the morning."

((Everyone claps))

Ed: you really thought it was good?

Me: Well of course. No one writes poetry like this. Oh, theres something on the back too.

Ed: NO!!!

Me: Its the beginning of a fanfic. With... me... and... ILL KILL YOU, YOU MICROSCOPIC FLEA SIZED SINGLE CELL PARAMECIUM!!!

((Back to reality))

Ed: You wrote that??

Me: I know youll never write gorgeous poetry like that.

Ed: You have yet to read my poetry.

Me: Actually, I hacked into your computer, read your online journal, your poetry, and all the fanfics youve written.

Ed: Seriously?

Me: No, but now I know you write fanfics.

Al: Wow brother, set yourself up there.

Ed: I DID NOT!

Me: Did too.

Ed: Max, I hope you know, I'll kill you someday.

Me: Nah, you love me too much.

Ed: I do not.

Me: Then whats this beginning of a fanfic I found with you and me??

Ed: Er... thats not mine.

Me: It says, by Edward Elric.

Ed: Gimme that. (Snatches it away) Wait... this is a badly drawn picture of a cat.

Al: IT IS NOT BADLY DRAWN!! {Attacks}

Me: And so, we learned today that Ed does in fact write poetry and fanfics.

Ed: I DO NOT!!!

((Later on, a dimly lit stage, Ed once again walks up with cue cards by himself))

Ed: Tonight, Id like to inform you of the tragic death of Max-Chan. I hope you all loved her very much, because, I can tell you now, I didnt.

Max: Ed? What are you doing?

Ed: NOTHING! I WAS NOT TELLING EVERYONE YOU WERE DEAD! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT???!

Me: Do you think I'm stupid.

Ed: No.

Me: Well I think you are.

Ed: No, I'm not. Quit telling me how stupid I am, because I know just how stupid I a-

Me: {Gigglesnort}

Ed: SHUT UP!

Al: She didnt say anything, nii-san.

Me: Gimme them cue cards. (Snatches)

Ed: DONT READ THOSE!!

Me: Its the beginning of a fanfic. With me and... IM GONNA KILL YOU.

Ed: No, Max. What are you going to do with those cards?

Me: Im gonna stick 'em where the sun dont shine.

Ed: In a box? (looks hopeful)

Me: no.

Ed: This is hopeless. Theres nothing to live for. I'm a puppet on an endless string of lies.

me: where'd that come from?

Ed: The pit of endless despair that used to be my heart.

Al: Wow, Max-chan, he's pretty depressed.

Me: But I didn't make him this way! Did I ?!

Ed: Lies... all lies...

Al: You okay, nii-san?

Ed: Time itself is one big lie. And what does it matter. We're all just dust in the wind.

Me: Edward...?

Ed: Dusty lies...

Me: Well... this is depressing....

Ed: Big fat dusty lies... badly drawn images of fake truths... pain... so much confusion....

Me: Okay, Ed you're really starting to bum me out. Well, while Ed is realizing the emo side of himself, how about a skit to pass the time?

-<<on a deserted island>>-

Ed: where are we?

Al: How should I know?

Me: WERE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!! (sob)

Ed: Shut up. At least there's no one here to make fun out of me.

Roy: I am the ghost of skit-like past.

Winry: I am the ghost of skit-like present.

Bradley: I am your father.

Ed: Wha... what?!

Bradley: Fuhrer, i I said Fuhrer.

Me: ED IS HALLUCINATING!!

Ed: I am not, he said father.

Al: Sorry, nii-san, he said fuhrer.

Me: Yeah, dude, get a straight jacket.

Scar: I am the ghost of skit-like future.

Ed: Is this going to be like 'a christmas carol'?

Me: What's a christmas carol? You're from Fullmetal Alchemist, you don't know that story.

Ed: I hate being stupid.

Me: You're not stupid, just a little uneducated in the modern ways of the world.

Al: Just watch.

Roy: Ed, if you don't give in and do the skits, you will end up working at McDonalds.

Ed: What?

Roy: and you'll be in milk commercials.

Ed: WHAT?? I DONT BELIEVE YOU!!

Winry: Ed, if you don't give in and do the skits, you'll end up in four major car crashes in three minutes.

Ed: is that even possible?

Winry: And you'll have two automail legs and an automail finger on your left hand.

Ed: WHAT! NO WAY!

Scar: Ed, if you don't give in to the skitty goodness you'll... (leans down and whispers in his ear)

Ed: No... you aren't serious...

Scar: (whispers more) and you'll end up marrying Max and having eight kids.

Ed: NUUU!! I SWEAR IVE CHANGED!! ILL BE GOOD!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

-<<Back to the present>>-

Ed: HAPPY EASTER!!

Me: Where's the bunny? I dont see him.

Al: Maybe Ed has lost it

Ed: NO, Ive changed! I swear Ive changed. I'm more than happy to work on skits with you.

@slightly-smiling - Those are all funny skits!! I like them!!
You are very good!!

A skit done by my friends and I at Anime Punch 07:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWimg3lLP4I

Currently being serialized in a fanfic I'm writing called Special Missions.

Me: Well then... Uhhh... Ok, I'm board.
Ed: I'm Really into pie. Oh and cake.
Me: I've got some, (Whips it out)
Ed: It's so big.
Me: You wanna eat it?
Ed: Uh-Huh
So me and Ed eat pie. Hey what are you doing highlighting the spoiler? There's nothing here. well sence you're reading this. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(Breath) WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(gasp)WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
If you are still here, I guess I'll tell you some jokes. If you don't like it then don'r read it.
Redneck computer terms
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
Al: Wow. You know you should of invited Winry, you know how much she likes it.
Ed: Shut up.
Me: Well if you liked that, then tell me maybe I'll do some more, With more action. If you don't, please don't tell me, I don't like rejection.

From some random TV station, we bring you more skits

TL (Me): "Edward, Alphonse, since Udon still isn't back yet, I'm taking over your little operation for a little while until he gets back."

*Ed just now notices TL*

Ed: "Who the hell are you?"

TL: "A new writer! Just bear with me, please!"

Ed: "Why should we trust you? Udon was the one paying us."

TL: "I thought you wanted to break your contract."

Ed: "Only because he wanted me to make out with Roy!"

TL: "And do you? How about Winry?"

Ed: "No!"

TL: "I heard Udon made you make out with Winry in front of your co-workers."

Ed: "That was just a skit! I'd never do that!! He wrote all of that stuff! And if you make me do anything I swear I'll - "

TL: "What? Break your contract? You're getting made way too much to seriously want to quit."

*Ed sags in defeat*

TL: "However, I was thinking of doing something with the homunculi..."

Ed: "OH NO YOU DON'T!!"

*Ed chases TL out of room*

*Al and Roy come in*

Al: "Huh. They were just here a minute ago. I wanted to show Ed my new crayon. It's Aquamarine blue."

Roy: "That's very nice Al, but I need to go... the fangirls are waiting for me. Ever since Ed's fangirls were nearly drowned in various beverages, I've had twice as many slave- I mean, fans."

*Al coloring on paper*

Al: "Hey, look at the color you get when you color Prussian and Aquamarine blue together! You get, uh... Prussarine!"

*Group of guys enter*

Roy: "Gotta run, Al. Riza set her fanboys on me as revenge. I'm dead if I don't keep moving."

*Roy runs out of the room*

Al: "Tell Ed about Prussarine for me!"

*TL and Ed run back onto set. Run back and forth. Ed still chasing*

TL: "Please (pant pant) stay tuned (pant) for more (pant pant) Please give (cough pant ) me suggestions (pant) for more skits."

Ed: "Get in shape first!

Stay tuned for the real show! What will happen with Ed and the homunculi? Will there be a war of the fangirls/boys? Will TL get any suggestions? Find out on the next FMA skit!

Udon: "Starring... 'Smaller than my last paycheck: Edward Elric!' 'Tin-man ain't got nothing on me: Alphonse Elric!' 'Engine grease and motor oil are my turn-ons...Winry Rockbell!' And 'Flaming in more ways than one: Roy Mustang!'"

(The latter of the three said cast member are seen restraining Ed in his attempts to brutally injure their announcer, as Udon continues)

Udon: "I'm your host, Udon the Japanese noodle, and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anime," a show where everything is made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are worth about as much Roy's military budget!"

Roy: (sighs) "Ain't that the truth."

Winry: "He's stealing Drew Carey's gimmick!"

Udon: (ignoring her) "Alright, our first skit tonight is called 'Party Quirks!' This is for everybody, Winry, you're going to host a party, Ed, Al, and Roy, you'll be the guests, only you'll each be acting out a strange quirk or identity written on the card you'll find under your chairs. Winry, your job is to guess who each of them are. You guys line up over there, and I'll ring a doorbell for you to enter, and...Winry, whenever you're ready."

(Ed, Al, and Roy stared flabbergasted at their queue cards, and Winry stands nervously in the center of the stage)

Winry: (starts pantomiming) "Well, uh...ok, it looks like the food's almost done, the table's all set. I wonder what kind of music-"

DING-DONG

Winry: (starting) "Oh, that must be them..." (goes to answer the door, greeting Ed first) "Oh, hello..."

Ed: (Is convinced that he can fly) "Look up in the sky!"

Winry: (looks up in confusion) "Hmmm?"

Ed: (pointing up) "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's..."

(Holds his arms out like a bird)

Ed: "Meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

(Ed leaps forward into the air and falls flat on his face, visibly hurt by the fall)

Winry: (points, stunned) "Uhhh...drinks are that way?"

DING-DONG!

(Winry pantomimes opening a door to Al)

Winry: "Oh, hello!"

Al: (Is trying to propose to the hostess, but can't find proper privacy) "Anno...hello Maria...nice, uh...party..."

Winry: (eyebrow twitches) "Maria?"

Ed: "Look at me!"

(Ed flies through the air, followed by another audible thud)

Al: "Umm...you know...we've been going out for a long time, and..." (blushes)

Winry: "Oh...I mean, uh...yes we have. Is there something you-"

DING-DONG

(Al deflates. Ed flaps his arms against the ground)

Winry: "Umm...hang on..."

(Opens the door to reveal a staggering Roy Mustang)

Winry: "Oh, hi - whoa, hang on there!"

(She barely manages to catch Roy as he tumbles on stage)

Roy: (Drunkenly contemplates suicide) "Gone! It's all gone! Fifteen years, life savings...down the drain..." (holds up an imaginary bottle and drinks it)

Winry: "Anno..."

Al: (blushing madly) "Maria! I need to speak to you! In private!"

(Ed jumps up and down, flapping his arms)

Ed: "The clouds...so close..."

Roy: (still clinging to Winry, faking tears) "My boss fired me...my wife left me...and my two grown kids...won't even return my phone calls..."

Winry: (flabbergasted) "Ed, you can't fly!"

BZZZZZ!

Udon: "You guessed it! Two more to go!"

(Ed stops acting and sits down, panting)

Roy: (still rambling) "No matter how you look at it...there's just nothing left to live for..."

Winry: "Ummm...I'm sure it'll be alright..."

Al: "Maria...please...there's...something important I need to ask you..."

(Winry looks at Al, before her eyes widen)

Winry: "Of course I'll marry you, Charlie!"

BZZZZZ!

Udon: "That's it! Just one more!"

Al: (blinks) "Charlie?"

Roy: "Goodbye, cruel world..." (pantomimes putting a gun to his head) "I'm leaving this miserable life behind!"

Winry: "No! Don't kill yourself! You have so much to live for!"

BZZZZZ!

Udon: "And that's all of them! Great job, everybody! A thousand points to each of you! And an additional thousand to Roy for...well, for being Roy."

(Roy flashes a smile)

Ed: (glares) "What's so great about being Roy, huh!?"

Al: "That was so embarrassing..."

Ed: "At least your quirk didn't involve pain!"

Udon: "Speaking of pain, our next skit is called 'Let's make a Date!' It's a game for all four of you, Ed, Al and Roy will be our contestants on a dating type game show, hoping to be picked by the beautiful, voluptuous Winry."

Winry: "Voluptuous!?"

Udon: (still ignoring her) "Each of you is going to have a strange quirk or identity, as you'll see on the cards beneath your stools, and Winry's going to question you as if you were on a dating show. Whenever you're ready, take it away!"

(The three boys sit on their stools as Winry fumes off to the side)

Winry: (twitching) "Rrrrrrrgh...hmmm..." (resigned sigh) "Bachelor number one...if we were to go out for dinner, where would it be?"

Ed: (Naruto) "Uh...someplace that serves ramen...believe it..."

Winry: (blinks) "Ok, uh...Bachelor number two...what would be your description of the most romantic night of your life?"

Al: (Shinji Ikari) "...I mustn't run away...I mustn't run away...I mustn't run away..."

Winry: (blinks again) "Ok...Bachelor number three-"

Roy: (Hot Blooded Mecha pilot) "No time! My friends are in danger! I must be off! Mega Dyna-Buster! Lift-off!"

(Roy strikes a pose)

Winry: "Uhh...Bachelor number one. What are your goals in life?"

Ed: "I'll be the next hokage! Believe it!"

Roy: "Back, evildoers! Or face the wrath of my mighty Gigaton Cannon!"

Al: "Nobody likes me..." (sniff) "Everyone leaves me...

Winry: "Alright...sappy...emo kid! Get a spine!"

BZZZZ!

Udon: "Close enough, that was Shinji Ikari!"

Roy: "All you need to win is hard work and guts!"

Winry: "You're...every bad mech anime ever made?"

BZZZZ!

Udon: "Right again, that was a hot blooded mecha pilot."

Ed: (puts his hands together in a ninja technique symbol) "Kage-Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Winry: "Uhhh..."

Ed: (vein pops) "Rasengan!"

Winry: (sweat drops) "I...have no idea who you are..."

BZZZZ!

Udon: "Aww, too bad! He's Naruto!"

Ed: "Jeez, all that hard work for nothing!"

Winry: "Well, sorry! I don't exactly watch shonen anime, you know!?"

Ed: "I bet if I played Sasuke, you'd know who I was!"

Roy: (winks) "I'm telling you, it's all about the black haired heart throb who uses fire."

Udon: "Our next skit is called "Hoe Down!" This is for all four of you, and we need a suggestion from the audience about a goal or objective these four might strive for..."

(Voices sound out from the audience, when Riza shouts something that catches his ear)

Udon: "'Getting a life.' Well, that's something we could all stand to achieve. Alright, let's hear the 'getting a life hoedown!'"

(The music starts up and the four cast members stand in a line, looking like they'd rather be anywhere but where they were)

Ed: "My friends tell me to get a life, I think they might be right,
Never mind that half of them are working day and night.
So I'm always studying, it's always worked for me,
Which one of the two of us can practice alchemy!?"

Al: "I've never really had a life. Nothing wrong with that.
I've never really had the time to just sit down and chat.
When you always study, and like to stay well read,
Be more concerned that your body's made of lead."

Winry: "I'd like to get outdoors and walk the town and stuff like that,
See what's at the mall, maybe try on a new hat.
How do you expect me to keep track of what's on sale?
I spend all my time with fixing Edward's automail!"

(Winry fixes Ed with a glare. Ed withers.)

Roy: "My mother always tells me that I ain't got no life,
'You spend so much time working! Why don't you have a wife?'
I'm just so sick of hearing her boss me around,
She'd know why if she just took a look around my town!"

All: "That's why we have no life!"

Udon: "And that's our show! Goodnight everybody!"

Dude! That was funny. Why can't I make up funny skits like you? Lessee........
Why don't you do one where the characters have to imitate each other for the
entire skit?And: Dear Ed, what would you do on a giant table top with a huge bowl
of your favorite food? Give us something good, and for God's sake, give them
better paychecks!

I got one for you Udon.can u do one of a new years party were alphonse(in flesh) and winry get plastered and are found being more than friends (and if u dont know what i mean. i mean something like lieing on a beach wharing nothing but a smile plaing kissy kissy, smoochy smoochy talking mushy mushy but more funny less naked) then ed finally comes to the party late cuz he was picking up more booze or something and sees them together... and... uh you come up with the rest i cant really think right now cuz it 2 am so.. can ... u..?...ZZZZZZZZZ
P.S. can u also stic in Roy, riza, envy havoc... and who ever else u want 2 (if you dont want to put all thos people u dont hav 2)
Ed>

Udon: (does a little dance) “Woo-hoo! Finally, an honest to goodness letter! It’s been years!”

Ed: (nods) “Literally.”

Udon: “Ed, the envelope please?”

(Ed hands him the envelope)

Udon: (reads) “Dear Ed, what would you do on a giant table top with a huge bowl
of your favorite food? Signed, tsimehcla latemlluf.”

Ed: (baffled) “How do you pronounce that?”

Udon: “Don’t worry about it, just answer it.”

Ed: (thinks) “Ok…hmm…well, first I would recruit the aid of the military to distribute the foodstuffs to needy children in starving countries worldwide.”

Udon: (bright-eyed) “Really?”

Ed: (rolls eyes) “Pfff! You kidding? I’d shove my face into the plate an inhale!”

Udon: (crestfallen) “Oh…so…what is your favorite food, Ed?”

Ed: “It’s-”

(A very human Alphonse, with Winry clinging to him for support, come stumbling in, each carrying bottles of champagne, stumbling for balance, singing off key)

Al: “Should auld acquaintance be forgot / And never brought to mind!?”

Winry: “Should auld acquaintance be forgot / And auld lang syne?”

Ed: (twitches)

Udon: (looking at Al) “Since when did you have your body back?”

Al: (slurred) “Since conqueror of Shambala!”

Winry: (singing loudly – and badly) “For auld lang syne, my dear / For auld lang syne!”

Al: (snickering) “Gee, Winry, you sing worse than Roy Mustang!”

Winry: (one eye half lidded) “Oh yeah!? Well you sound like Havoc after his third let down!”

Al: “No, no – this is what Havoc sounds like – “Waaaaaah! Nobody loves me! I’m going to drown my sorrows until I can’t say my own name!””

Winry: (snickering) “No, no, that’s what Roy sounds like! “My life is spiraling down the cesspool of everyone’s misery and turmoil! Stab my heart and slit my throat! Wash yourself in my blood!””

Al: (laughing hilariously) “No, no – dude, that was totally Envy right there!”

Winry: (unable to focus on Al’s face, much less his words) “Huh? Aww, who cares! They’re both a bunch of emo kids anyway!”

Udon: “…”

Ed: “…”

Winry: “How about “I’m such a hardass! I’m a no nonsense girl who’ll put bullet between your eyes if you so much as cross me!”

Al: (chuckling) “Let me guess – Riza!”

Winry: “Yup! Wait, wait, I got another one, I got one… “ Please, please, please, send me more ideas! I NEEEED your ideas for the love of God!””

Al: (cackling with laughter) “Oh my God! You do Udon so well!”

Ed: (holding Udon back from strangling his younger brother) “Easy now…they’re not in their right mind…”

Al: “How about this: “Who are you calling so small, he’d get beaten up by an ant!?””

Winry: (grinning at Al) “Wow…you do a really convincing Edward…”

Ed: (twitches) “On the second thought, stand aside. You can kill them after I maim them a little…”

(Ed is halted in his tracks when Winry plants a big wet kiss on Al’s suddenly sober looking face)

Ed: O_O

Udon: O.O

Al: O////O

Winry: (pulls back, winking) “Oh, I’m sorry Al…I thought we were role playing…”

Ed: (explodes) “WINRY! I’M RIGHT HERE!”

(Winry and Al both blink, before looking at each other in embarrassment)

Both: “…Darn”

(Ed starts chasing Al around)

Udon: (watching them run around) “Hey, uh…guys? I got role for you: “We’re drunk, we’re angry, and we’re coming after you.”

Ed: “Not now, Udon! I’m killing something!”

Al: “I’m sorry, Nii-san! There was nothing I could do!”

Winry: (still tipsy) “I don’t get it…who are you supposed to be? All of us?”

Udon: (gulps) “Uh, no…all of them….”

(points to an angry looking Roy, Riza, Havoc and Envy, all looking rather pissed at having been made fun of)

All: “Get them!”

(Roy, Riza, Havoc and Envy chase Al and Winry off the set.)

Ed: “And don’t come back!”

(Ed collapses in a heap next to Udon, who just looks confused.)

Udon: “So…what was your favorite food again?”

Ed: (gets up) “Who the hell cares, I just wanna get hammered…”

(Wanders off to the bar.)

Udon: "...Uh...we'll see you next time, I guess."

Oh man........ROTFL. You didn't finish answering my question, though!
After that you should put Roy, Ed, and Alphonse on Jeopardy!
You make it funny. I'm too lazy.

And: Dear Roy,

If you could have your own show/game show, what would
it be like? Please give an example.

I will try to keep supplying letters.

OMG!! That was perfect i loved it I was hoping you would understand what i said most people stare for a long time and then say "what the heck are you talking about??" when i talk
you are so good at this wouldent that be awsome if you wrote these and Arakawa Sensei put them in the manga in the extras?

Hey i have a story well i kinda took it from an inuyasha site like a year ago than i turned it into a comic of fma (it actuly is'nt exactly the same, i added my own flavour to it) so if i get in truble for this .....i'm sorry
(insted of me i'm going to call myself arakawa cuz that how i drew it?)

Audience: Woo-hoo *clap* I LOVE THIS SHOW!! (ect)

Arakawa: *walks out on stage* hi and welcome to the hiromu show, today on my show we'll be revealing a deep secret of Edward Elric'sand his brother Alphonse Elric will be here as well, so every one please help me in welcoming here Alphonse!!

*Audience cheers as al walks out on stage*

Al: Hi little cow!

Arakawa: i'm Arakawa

Al:*sits on the floor cuz theres no chairs besides the on arakawa is sitting on*

Arakawa: Al, so you and winry are "going out" correct?

Al: Huh? Uh... I guess... is that why i'm here?

Arakawa: of course! but we have a surprise, Heh Heh

Al:Uh-oh

Arakawa: lets bring out Edward!

*Audience go's even wilder*

Ed: wow *loking out at the crowd then looked over toward his bro and host* Hi little cow!

Arakawa: I'M Arakawa!!

Al: Brother why are you here?

Ed:I have something to tell Winry

Arakawa: so Ed you and Winry are lovers right?

Ed: *blushes* yea thats why i'm here beef bowl

Arakawa:

Al: hey, thats the same thing you asked me! I didn't know she was two timing me with this shorty!

Ed:HEY WHACH WHO YOU CALL SHORT I KNOW YOUR WEAK SPOT!!

Arakawa:okay, okay calm down. and without further ado let bring out Winry Rockbell!!

*Audience cheers*

Winry: hi little cow!

Arakawa: I' ARAKAWA!!

Winry: Hi Ed.... and Al? oh crud

Ed & Al:

Arakawa: Al this might come as a shock to you, but when your brain storming, reading and studing bout the 'stone' Ed's 'important bizness' is really him going out with Winry, and Ed when you really hav importent stuff to do Al is out with winry!

Ed & Al: WHAT?!!!! *turnd and glared at Winry*

Winry: its true *grabs Ed* but i don't love Al like i love you Ed

Al: why did you lead me on like that...? I really liked you Winry *sob* brother arnt your mad that she was cheating on you?

Ed: well she picked me didn't she score!

Winry: sorry Al but I could never love a tin-can

Al *looking rather shocked*

Winry: your a grate person tho

Al*crawls in to corner* Brother i might still like her but you can hav her

Ed: i can't believe you, you cry baby

Winry: sorry al. Ed i'm glad you understand

Ed: oh yea, i almost forgot...

Arakawa: okay every one if i lost you, now is the time to listen!

Roy in the audience: I love it when people get hurt Muwahahahahaha!

Winry: what is it Ed?

Ed:*gets down on one knee* will you marry me?

*Audience gasps*

Al:GASP! WAAHHHHH!! WHAT A BROTHER YOU ARE! *SOB GLOOM*

Winry:

Ed: well?

Winry: I except.... When i'm 20

Ed: What? Why not now?

Roy:Wahahaha ooooo what a let down man thats a slap in the face

Arakawa: Hey!! I'm the host so shut up!!

Roy: Wach it little cow I can BBQ you in 5.2 seconeds!!

Arakawa: I'M.... oh forget it

*back to win & ed*

Winry: Well not every one can be like you and drop every thing for some-one, besides I still have dreems of my own, like becomming the worlds best auto-mail enginer! oh yes thats my dream!!

Ed: auto-mail otaku!

Winry: okay okay im sorry

Al: *still crying in the back ground*

Winry: AL SHUT UP!!!

Ed & Winry: i luv u

Arakawa: Okay? you people are weird! Oh by the way Winry did you noticed that Al left?

Winry: oh-no, I'M SORRY TIN-CAN!!!

Ed: forget him its me you love!

Winry: now that we're engadged does'nt mean that i'll fix you auto-mail for free!

Ed: aww come on

Arakawa:well times running out so cach you next time on the hiromu show bye bye!

BANG BANG BANG BANG!!

Ed: GAH! WINRY!!

Winry: *plops onto floor* ow

FULLMETAL!! said a voice from the audience*

Hawkeye: Edward i am madly deeply in love with you, my hart bleeds for you!

Ed: AND SO DOES WINRY!! HURRY GET A METIC!! *PANIC PANIC*

Hawkeye: so should come live with me

Ed: GET AWAY FORM ME YOU OBSESSED FREAK!!!

Roy: hey I thought you loved me?!

Hawkeye: oh please i'm sooooo over head comand

Roy: give me one more chance *reaches for her*

Hawkeye: Get away!!

BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Roy: *writes miniskir... in his blood*

Hawkeye: *chasing ed* how about a kissy-poo!!

Ed: GET HER OUT OF HERE!! *SCREMING AND RUNNING AWAY*

A few moments after people trying to get Hawkeye off ed gun shots and over all total destruction later

Arakawa: ok befor my gets canceled for being so violent we should stop the camras!! CUT CUT!!!

well theres my story hope you liked it please tell me what you think

Roy: (grinning) “I’m glad you asked that question, tsimehcla latemlluf –”

Ed: “How do you even pronounce that name!?”

Roy: (ignoring him) “ – Because tonight, we’ll be participating in the hottest dating show of all time…”

(A studio set appears in the background, with game show girls in reveling outfits and poses motioning to the title placard)

Roy: “Who Wants to Date an Alchemist!?”

Ed: “…”

Roy: (smiles, holding up a cue card that says ‘applause’)

(Riza barges onto the set and smacks Roy upside the head)

Roy: (rubbing his head) “Ow…”

(Ed laughs hysterically)

Riza: “Right. Filling in for your regular broadcast tonight will be the season premier of my new game show…”

(The set changes to a firing range)

Riza: “Who Wants to Shoot an Alchemist?”

(Riza cocks her gun)

Riza: “Tonight’s winner is: Me.”

(Roy blanches as Riza takes aim and makes a run for it, Riza hot on her tail)

Ed: “…Well then…seeing as our regular cast isn’t here, let’s switch over to…” (reads cue card) “Are You Shorter than Edward...Elric... wait a damn minute! Udon! Get out here! I got a bone to pick with you!”

(stomps off screen)

Al: (meekly) “And now a word from our sponsors!”

(Winry speaks from off screen)

Winry: “Do I really have to do this…?”

Al: “You wanted publicity, remember!?”

(Winry grumbles as she walks out onto the set, dressed in a similar fashion to one of the game show girls on Roy’s set)

Winry: (blushing profusely) “Brought to you by: Rockbell Automail, servicing all your automail needs! Got a missing limb? Are you confined to a wheelchair? Tired of being a quadriplegic? Then stop by Rockbell automail today!”

Al: (wincing) "That was kind of insensitive...)

(Winry holds up an aerosol can)

Winry: (continuing) “And by, Mustang Lubricant – providing frictionless environments for everything from engines and carborators to…”

(Her blush magnifies as her eyes bug out as she reads the teleprompter)

Winry: (waving the can around enraged) “ROY MUSTANG! WHAT IS THIS!?”

(As Al blushes empathetically, Ed snickers from off screen)

Ed: “Heheh…you know, lubricant has a myriad of uses…”

(Winry fumes in anger)

Al: (stammering) “Y-Y-You know…I use lubricant to ease my joints…you know, cause…sometimes they get kind of rusty…”

Ed: (refraining laughter) “Now might not be the best time to mention that, Al…”

Winry: (glaring evilly) “You know, Ed, lubricant is more popular with guy-on-guy pairings, and this is Roy’s product, after all…”

(Ed blushes furiously)

(Suddenly everyone ducks as a hail of bullets flies overhead. A moment later, Roy comes barreling through the set)

Winry: "Colonel Mustang! I've got half a mind to shove this can right up your-"

Roy: "Now's not the best time sweetheart!"

(Everyone ducks again as another hail of bullet fire blares overhead, and Roy takes off as Riza chases him, reloading her pistol)

Riza: “Hold still so I can shoot you!”

Roy: “Like hell!”

Udon: (appearing from off set) “Alright, hold it! HOLD IT!”

(Everyone comes to a halt)

Udon: (Pacing around with a clipboard) “Look, people – I’ve been nice, I’ve tried to appeal to everyone’s needs, I had confidence that you could come up with something on your own…but this is getting out of control. I’m afraid we’re going to have to resort to plan B.”

(Everyone’s expression falls as a man with graying hair walks on stage)

Alex Trebek: “From the set haphazardly put together in Udon's garage: This…is…Jeopardy!”

To Be Continued…

SKIT TIEM IS NOW!!!

Connecticon '07 Masquerade.
Starring yours truly and others...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgzq48IGTto

Wow! I've read all the skits and these are Fantastic!!!

Hey, Udon. You like the manga-only character Mei? You should do one with her in it!

Oh dear...if I'd have known this topic existed, I might have submitted it here instead...

But no matter. I'll just provide some linkage.

Edward Cullen vs. Edward Elric:
http://www.fullmetal-alchemist.com/forums/...showtopic=12788

Hope you enjoy it!

Wow, I already read that. It's really awesome. Congratz again

Lol, howdy stranger! Thanks again!

So...is anyone still doing skits on here? I read some of the ones Udon and Hex did, they're awesome! x3