NO, I DON'T REGRET LOVING YOU



Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist @ Hiromu Arakawa



Genre: Oneshot, Romance, POV



Rating: T (PG-13)



Warning: Shounen-ai (no yaoi implied), full of RoyEdism (somehow I like that word)



Inspiration: All Good Things- Nelly Furtado



Summary: Have you ever lost anyone close to your heart? I mix the dreams and he always turns back. Sometimes you forget that it's really hard to let go.



----------------------------------------------------------





I have no regrets.





You used to say that knowing you is just my bad luck.



If meeting you was my bad luck, I don't need fortune.



***



Teardrops





Equivalent Exchange, I know, but... is the price that much?



"Don't cry, Ed, this is my own choice."



I didn't cry, never will I cry for you, for someone so selfish like you.



Just that...



...tears fall.



I don't cry.



My heart does.



***



You selfish bastard






" Sorry Ed, I don't want to leave you alone in this world but..."



'But' what?



After all, you still left me.



Selfish.

You held my cold metal hand and gave it your warmth, the warmth I had long forgotten.



Selfish.

You kissed my stubborn forehead, leaving there the never fading tenderness.



Selfish.

You took off your gloves, softly slided your hand on my hair. In which book from Central Library says that hair is just dead cell? My hair shivered in your tender palm.



Selfish.

My lips overwhelmed with passion in the first kiss. How did you do that, bastard, teach me know that kiss is not just sympathetic act on the lips and tongue. That kiss touched the innermost bottom of my heart.



Selfish.

You fell down in front of me.



Selfish enough to love me, selfish enough to make me love you.



But not enough

to nourish what you brought to my life.



A love not till the end

but

never be dead

in my heart.



***



Smirk





The smile blended with blood.




'Don't smile, Roy! Please don't smile like that!'



'I fear, Roy! Please, I won't be able to stand it.'



Till the last moment, you still smiled.

If only

I

had had enough

courage

to

smile

in return.




" Seeing you kneeling beside me crying like this is unbelievable, Ed."

" Unbelivable what?"

" Unbelivably beautiful, Ed!"



The last thing you saw was my crying face.

I couldn't smile with you

so

I hope

when I cried, I was truly beautiful like that.



Roy, I always hated your smile.

If you had asked me why I hated it so much

"Because"-I would tell you-"it's so hatefully beautiful, Roy!"



But you never asked, so I never told you.

And I will never be able to tell you anymore, but...

...did you ever hear it?



Roy, did you ever hear some thing I didn't tell?



***



I have a dream.






" I have a dream!"



In a tight embrace, you told me so.



Snow.

Freezingly cold.



You.

Cosily warm.



Me, drowning in your passionate arms, lazily spoke:



" I know. Become the Fuhrer, right?"



" That's not a dream. That's a target."



" Hm...so what's your dream?"



Going numb in the sweet tender kiss, I slightly heard you whispering.



" To protect those whom I love."



At that time I didn't understand completely. How foolish!



***



Me silly guy!



Silly!

Silly!

Silly!

Silly a million times, silly a billion times.



Edward Elric, why never stopped being so proud?

Childish pride

stopped me from saying those words.



I never told you one time...

...how I love you so.

Pride and fool!



***



I hate you.





I hate you.



I hate you for your back was always defending me.



I hate you for you always looked down and I always had to look up. Not just because you were taller than me.



I hate you for you brought the warm feeling deep in me back to life, the feeling I had long buried under the ashes of past.



I hate you for the love you brought to me.



I hate you for saving my life with the cost of yours.



I hate you



I hate you



More than anything,



I love you.



***



You said you were sorry.





" I'm sorry, Ed! I shouldn't have done it."



But I, I was not sorry, am not sorry and will not be sorry.



Never will I be sorry doing it. What is right, what is wrong, I don't know and don't need to know. No matter if it is right or wrong to love you, I never regret.



***



You said you loved me.





" I love you, Ed!"



I only kept silent.



Is it really true that silence is golden? If so, if at that time I could speak what I wanted to say, it must have been diamond.



Why did I keep silent?



Why did I do that when...



I wish I could have let you know that

I adore you.



With all my heart.



...I love you too, Roy.



***



Flame.





Fire.



Burned in your eyes and heart.



The flame that wasn't made by alchemy.



Always look at everything with the eyes of flame.



The flame of ambition, outside.



The flame of cruelty, outside.



Inside, the thing you hided, the flame of a loving heart.



since when did it burn me into ashes?



***



I have no regrets.



" Knowing me is just your bad luck!"



If knowing you had been my bad luck, I'm glad to say that, I never barter that bad luck for anything else.



Equivalent Exchange?

No

Nothing worths exchanging my bad luck.

Nothing equal.



***



Finally, there's only me left in this world.



Weren't you sorry, Roy?



" Will you forget me?"

" Why not? I will forget you!! If you die I'll forget you right away, I'll remember nothing about you!! Fool, if you don't want that to happen, don't die!!! Don't die, Roy!"



Still smiling, your bloody finger slightly touched my lips.



" That's good, Ed! I'm glad you can forget me."



Not so good, Roy, because, how the hell can I forget you?



Some fool like you really thought that I could forget you?



If you had only been Flame Alchemist, a talented alchemist, I will actually forget you. After some months.



If you had only been Colonel, an ambitious Colonel, I probably will forget you. After some years.



If you had only been Roy Mustang, a charming, kind man, I will somehow forget you, after some decades.



If you had been Flame Alchemist Colonel Roy Mustang, with the combination of all those three, I can still forget you, when I die.



But you were Roy, the one who took my heart along when you died,

so,

even when I'm dead,

I still remember you.



To remember you, Roy, that's the only reason why I go on existing.



***







" Roy, I love you" He whispers, smiling.

Now he can smile.



Somehow the smile is the dry tear of humans.

Like in extremely happy times, people may cry, in the worst terminal pain, they can smile.



No matter what, he smiles

when he reminisces about him.



***





" Knowing me is just your bad luck!"



If knowing you had been my bad luck, I don't need fortune.



I have no regrets.



I love you, Roy.



***



~Owari~



A/N: This is one of my many pieces of work, and the shortest, too. RoyEd has never been my favourite, asking of SA FMA, my fav is HeiEd. However, somehow one day when I was listening to Nelly's 'All Good Things', the words 'I have no regrets loving you' crossed my mind, and I wrote this straight without any editing. It's not really a story, somehow more like pages of a diary, it only tells the emotion. And I know the ending sucks.

If anyone came this far, thank you very much!

I came this far!

I'm quite fond of the style you chose to write in, so I enjoyed reading it, even if I didn't like continuously scrolling down. It'd make a nice doujinshi...

Thanks nekoh-san!! About the doujinshi idea...I actually started this drawing some pics...but...

*sniffle* *tear* soooo sad but soooooo good!!! great job!

Oooh... o.o I'd like to see that. Got a preview?

Now that I think of it, your writing style reminds me of the doujin circle, IDEA. Very nice.

@nekoh-san: I couldn't make this a dou because I couldn't finish those pics. Somehow I need way more interest to draw than to write. And the fact that I don't really like royedism...well, I just couldn't draw it. But thanks anyway! I'm really glad you like this style!

Wow. Truly amazing fic. You're good.

@Nat-chan and Sym-chan: I am so glad to here those!! Thank you!

@Hanae Mai - I liked it! With some editing this could be great. The way it was written, like the "pages of a diary," was awesome. I haven't seen this style very much. Good job!