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Are You Being Bullied?, here are (my suggestion of) 5 ways to stop a bully
Envy's Lady
post Dec 21 2010, 10:22 PM
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In general I don't like humans that much....because I've met more that have treated me like .... than not.

You can't really fight back against bullies because you end up punished more than the bully, I find.

I've been bullied in real life and online. Online there are some people that would never leave me alone on some sites and the mods rarely would do anything. It didn't matter if they sunk as low as attacking my birthday thread(on a site I went to it was normal for people to make a birthday thread for one of their friends on the site).

I have been told to ignore them and I try to ignore them. It's just hard when it's like no one ever does anything either and they're just allowed to freely attack you whenever they want with nothing happening to them.

People at some forum I hadn't even posted at for over 3 years once tracked me down and attacked my Myspace account. I deleted it after that.

Sometimes random people in real life come up to me and make fun of the birthmark on my face. I don't even know these people.

I've had food thrown at me before and rocks and called a demonic monster.....not human....etc. Like people think I'm a human who's not fully formed or some .... like that. Like I'm an 'attempt' at creating a human that failed. That's what people say to me. Saying that I am below a human.....some kind of sub-human.

I've had death threats before too.


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A Pierrot's Aria
post May 6 2011, 10:24 AM
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I've never really thought that there are actually very many effective ways to stop a bully...

My sister and I were bullied all through secondary school. I can easily say that secondary school was the worst education experience I've ever had (and I'm positive that my sister feels the same.)

Especially throughout Years 7-9 we always got picked on; people called us names, laughed at us, humiliated us, pushed us about and basically just got their gangs to gang up on us and do all of the above. The thing about bullies is that they laugh when you cry, they laugh when you get angry, they laugh when you try to reason with them and they laugh when you try to stand up for yourself.

If we told a teacher about a bully, all of their (the bully's) friends would turn against us, too. It'd then get to a point where we would tell the teacher to forget it and even apologise to the bully for talking to someone about them bullying us.

It seems that there is generally no winning with bullies...they make fun of you for anything, no matter how small. My sister and I would be picked on because we actually did our work and enjoyed learning, we'd get picked on for how we looked, because of our height. Heck, we got picked on by a bunch of guys because we're TWINS. That, mixed with the fact that we were quite tall for our age, lead to one occasion where they threw pieces of their sandwiches at us and pretended that they were planes that were striking the "Twin Towers"; obviously a reference to our height and the fact that we're twins. Not to mention that it was COMPLETELY disrespectful on so many other levels, too. It's disgusting.

I can't count the amount of times my sister and I came home crying our eyes out. Or we even cried before we left for school, begging our mum not to make us go. Our attendance got so bad that we had to have someone monitor it and make sure we went to school. We'd think of any excuse just so we wouldn't have to go --and we knew our mum wasn't happy about it. But it also upset her to see us so upset.

There are so many instances that I can still remember clearly, but I won't go into them (you know...talking about it can be kind of embarrassing/humiliating). It's all just a testament to how cruel people can be. I can easily say that my (and my sister's) self-esteem/confidence was at rock bottom back then, and we're still recovering now. Although, I do like to think that my confidence has grown quite a bit since then.

I remember that when it got really bad, I always promised myself that as soon as I turned 16 and left secondary school, I would never want to continue with education if that's all I was going to be subjected to. But, then I eventually thought to myself, 'why should I let people like that hamper my chances in life?' I then went on to college (in the UK we go to college at age 16-18), and now I'm at University. I'm proud that I decided not to give up!


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jacksparrow589
post May 6 2011, 11:01 AM
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I was bullied a bit in middle school because I was pretty much a "gentle giant". I was rather large as a middle-schooler, but I was fairly quiet and kind (or at least ambivalent) to most people, and I think there were people who saw that as an opportunity.

There was a day in Phys Ed where a guy grabbed me from behind very suggestively and would not let go. The teacher didn't do a thing about it, not when she saw it, and not when I finally had it and elbowed him very hard in the ribs and told him never to do it again. He didn't.

Similarly, there was a girl who tried to choke me. I couldn't breathe to yell for help, so I did the only thing I could think to do: I dug my fingernails into her hands until she let go. A teacher walked in and the other girl tried to pin it on me, but thankfully, the teacher had seen enough of what had happened and told the other girl that she was in the wrong.

I was definitely teased quite a bit, though surprisingly not for my weight, but for my last name. (It's nothing terribly outlandish, but some of the guys in my class liked to make suggestive puns out of it.) Because it wasn't physical and so I didn't have proof, I made the mistake of not going to my teachers. Apparently, my parents did inform them, but I didn't ever see any direct results from it.

I think it's absolutely despicable what a lot of people here (and those who are bullied in general) have been put through. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing gives a person the right to terrorize, belittle, or demean anyone in this way. I was thankfully mostly able to stand up for myself and make it stop, and I've stood up for other friends who were bullied, too. I know that this doesn't always work, however, and that some people just won't be deterred from a power trip. It's disgusting and sad, and I wish people would just teach (and learn) basic respect for one another so that they wouldn't even consider bullying as a possibility.


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kazare
post May 10 2011, 02:42 AM
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Oh I don't know.
But actually bullies also have that one small weakness or insecurity that you need to find.

While you are in the process of finding it, you need to endure the pain and try to practice controlling your temper. Cry if you have to. (Although honestly I think it is quite immature, you will just get teased more. Not much of a help.) Then in that miraculous day that you already find that weakness prepare a very good retort so he will be taken aback. If your plan works, then good. If not, well, just walk out, that bully has some kind of mental problem anyways.

Just kick their asses off in your brains.


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A Pierrot's Aria
post May 10 2011, 05:04 AM
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I agree that you have to practice controlling your temper, because you getting angry at a bully is generally something they find hilarious. I remember once when I just lost it and yelled for the bully to shut up. But that just caused a laugh riot at my expense.

But I think it's wrong to say that crying is "immature". Of course, it's best not to cry in front of them because they'll pick on that, too.

I cried when I was away from everyone --there was a few times where I couldn't help it and did cry in front of the bully...but did that make me immature? Nope. My feelings were hurt and crying is a very normal response to this. (I'm not attacking you here, kazare, it's just my general take on the matter.)

Although, as alluded to before, it is best to try not to cry in front of them. Showing that you're (seemingly) unaffected by a bully is sometimes a good way to get them to leave you alone (even if it is just for a little while.)


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jacksparrow589
post May 10 2011, 10:35 AM
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Crying really is a pretty natural response. Someone makes fun of you unprovoked, and likely, one of two things go through your head: 1) Why is this person being so mean when I've done nothing to them? or 2) What if they're right?

Even if you know they're wrong, the second thought can still hurt, and that's exactly what bullies pray on. And it's never a fun feeling. So, your choice are generally to suffer in silence until you can't take it anymore, or to let it out and at least try to move on.

Yes, crying in front of a bully isn't a good thing, but if it comes to that, it's usually because there's nothing else you can do, short of sinking to their level, or you've been so caught off-guard by just how horrible they're being that you feel almost as bad for them as you do for yourself. Your best option really is to make as graceful an exit as possible, but sometimes, that just can't be done.


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kazare
post May 13 2011, 08:48 PM
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Okay.To think about it, crying is not that immature. You will never dare cry in front of a bully. Cry when you are alone. Just don't cry when your friends are around EVERYTIME that you are being bullied. They might end up thinking that you are such a crybaby.


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A Pierrot's Aria
post May 13 2011, 10:40 PM
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Obviously crying in front of bully is never a good thing (as jacksparrow589 and I mentioned in our posts above). It will likely provoke them and egg them on, not to mention leave them feeling pretty satisfied. But while crying in front a bully is never desirable, sometimes it just happens for reasons explained above. I don't know what kind of harsh friends some people have here, but if I ever cried in front of them they would comfort me, not brand me a cry baby (no matter how many times I were to let go and cry in front of a bully).

Having good friends is what made the whole bullying saga at school a little more tolerable, I think. This may go for others, too.

@jacksparrow589 I completely agree with everything you've said...


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