HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
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Do you think about your end?, What do you think about death?
do You want to die?
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FullMetal Shrimp
post Apr 12 2006, 09:40 PM
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Sometimes, I do want to die. I'm pretty much for half and half. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm even here, and sometimes I hate life, even though I am a Christian. I guess I'll tell you why I do want to die.

I basically go through a lot of emotional pain, I've even thought of suicide before, but I can not because of my beliefs, and I won't and never will. I won't go into many details though, I'll save that for another post in another topic. I just want the suffering to end, and in my religion I'll go to Heaven where it will be peaceful and happy, that may be one of the many reasons I hang on to this religion. But there are also times when I am happy, but overall, I'm not afraid of death, and I'll be fine with it when it does happen.


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asunder
post Apr 12 2006, 09:47 PM
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FMS: things will get better for you...As you grow older and (wiser)....You'll leave your environment and realize that your "bad times" weren't actually that bad and that you survived through them. Life will get better with time and in the end it'll all work out....if it hasn't yet, then it's not the end and you just have to be a little more patient.




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FullMetal Shrimp
post Apr 12 2006, 10:30 PM
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Heh, thank you for trying to cheer me up asu, but I wish it were that simple. I was going to post this in a different thread, but I can't find it... It was something about who you despise, and I said in that topic I kind of despise my parents for getting married and producing a half-breed child, me. Half White and half Asian... It's a tough problem. I think they're mostly nice people for the most part, but I hate that problem, I've never told anyone this before, but I might as well now.

In school, in my neighborhood, even in church, it's like people think I'm different. Everyone is different, I know, but it's just that some people, probably the majority, think I'm like an alien. Sometimes it's like they think I'm not even human. In school, I have to try and be as cool and nice as I can to be accepted. In my neighborhood, they look at me weird mostly, more likely because they think I'm Chinese or something... At church, I'm helpless. I have to give in to everyone's request or they would think of me weirder than they already think I am. So there I have to act even nicer, and I just get tired of it.

There are few people that won't occasionly bring up the fact of what I am and treat me as a complete equal. They look down on me. At church it's like they think I'm a disgrace. My family goes with me there, and they just ignore the fact that I'm human sometimes. The children look at me funny, and the adults do too. In the morning we shake hands with other people to be friendly, and there are people who will walk by me like I'm not there, and from their expression you can tell what they are thinking, and I'm quite sure it's not just because I'm some younger person. I try to be kind and everything so people will think of me differently, and I just become sick of it sometimes. And the pastor wonders why I don't smile in church. If only he knew...

In school, or anywhere, the friends I have, white, asian, or African, when they find out from me or someone else tells them I'm a half-breed they will just give me this weirdest look ever, like they ignore the fact I'm still a person for a while and they'll just forget about it, but I doubt they ever will, because they don't look at me the exact same way ever again.

Then there's my father. Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me anymore. I honestly think she likes my sister more because she looks more "white" than I do, and my mother and father don't get along most of the time. And my father's a hypocrite too, he'll tell me not to talk to him in an angry voice when he doesn't deserve it when I picked it up from him and he does it to me as he pleases. It just sucks sometimes...

I've always wanted to move to Japan, where I won't see my family, but whether or not I'll be accepted I don't know. I always think I have to accomplish an amazing task to become accepted by people. And although I can't say I do love or hate my mother or father anymore, I do care about them, and that's one thing that holds me back. Then there's my friend that says that when I go to Asia I'll be looked down upon more than your average American... And I want to become a manga artist, but I have doubts and confidence, and that's one reason I want to live, to do my manga.


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Carnal Malefacto...
post Apr 12 2006, 10:34 PM
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Where do you live, anyway? Sounds like it's full of bigots and xenophobes.


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asunder
post Apr 12 2006, 10:37 PM
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QUOTE(FullMetal Shrimp @ Apr 12 2006, 10:15 PM) [snapback]379846[/snapback]

Heh, thank you for trying to cheer me up asu, but I wish it were that simple. I was going to post this in a different thread, but I can't find it... It was something about who you despise, and I said in that topic I kind of despise my parents for getting married and producing a half-breed child, me. Half White and half Asian... It's a tough problem. I think they're mostly nice people for the most part, but I hate that problem, I've never told anyone this before, but I might as well now.

In school, in my neighborhood, even in church, it's like people think I'm different. Everyone is different, I know, but it's just that some people, probably the majority, think I'm like an alien. Sometimes it's like they think I'm not even human. In school, I have to try and be as cool and nice as I can to be accepted. In my neighborhood, they look at me weird mostly, more likely because they think I'm Chinese or something... At church, I'm helpless. I have to give in to everyone's request or they would think of me weirder than they already think I am. So there I have to act even nicer, and I just get tired of it.

There are few people that won't occasionly bring up the fact of what I am and treat me as a complete equal. They look down on me. At church it's like they think I'm a disgrace. My family goes with me there, and they just ignore the fact that I'm human sometimes. The children look at me funny, and the adults do too. In the morning we shake hands with other people to be friendly, and there are people who will walk by me like I'm not there, and from their expression you can tell what they are thinking, and I'm quite sure it's not just because I'm some younger person. I try to be kind and everything so people will think of me differently, and I just become sick of it sometimes. And the pastor wonders why I don't smile in church. If only he knew...

In school, or anywhere, the friends I have, white, asian, or African, when they find out from me or someone else tells them I'm a half-breed they will just give me this weirdest look ever, like they ignore the fact I'm still a person for a while and they'll just forget about it, but I doubt they ever will, because they don't look at me the exact same way ever again.

Then there's my father. Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me anymore. I honestly think she likes my sister more because she looks more "white" than I do, and my mother and father don't get along most of the time. And my father's a hypocrite too, he'll tell me not to talk to him in an angry voice when he doesn't deserve it when I picked it up from him and he does it to me as he pleases. It just sucks sometimes...

I've always wanted to move to Japan, where I won't see my family, but whether or not I'll be accepted I don't know. I always think I have to accomplish an amazing task to become accepted by people. And although I can't say I do love or hate my mother or father anymore, I do care about them, and that's one thing that holds me back. Then there's my friend that says that when I go to Asia I'll be looked down upon more than your average American... And I want to become a manga artist, but I have doubts and confidence, and that's one reason I want to live, to do my manga.


It shouldn't be a problem...You shouldn't be ashamed of your background....I was an immigrant to this country when I could barely speak . Kids can be mean and can single out people that are in the minority. But trust me as you grow older and get out of the ignorant bunch of morons you're hanging out with....you'll realize that being "half" or half-breed is some retarded person's construct. When you get to college, you'll actually meet a much more diverse population and different mixes of people. People will be less superficial for the most part and look beyond your skin color/ethnic heritage/random label to the real you. Till then i'd offer to use a baseball bat on your ignorant friends.


And as a random note: some of the most beautiful women i've ever gazed upon were half-asian, half-other.





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FullMetal Shrimp
post Apr 12 2006, 10:44 PM
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New Jersey, the largest populated state by square mile. Some people can be nice, some aren't, but they mostly tend to hang out with people of their same basic ethnic group. And I don't normally let the problem get to me much, it's just annoying with all the weekly problems I have to go through.

And asu said "And as a random note: some of the most beautiful women i've ever gazed upon were half-asian, half-other" ok, but what about the guys? XD


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asunder
post Apr 12 2006, 10:50 PM
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QUOTE(FullMetal Shrimp @ Apr 12 2006, 10:29 PM) [snapback]379851[/snapback]

New Jersey, the largest populated state by square mile. Some people can be nice, some aren't, but they mostly tend to hang out with people of their same basic ethnic group. And I don't normally let the problem get to me much, it's just annoying with all the weekly problems I have to go through.

And asu said "And as a random note: some of the most beautiful women i've ever gazed upon were half-asian, half-other" ok, but what about the guys? XD


New Jersey sucks in general...=D (I spent the majority of my life in new york)
and I don't rate guys....most ethnic groups tend to hang out together and be cliquish...yep this is true universally lol....But there are people who don't fall into this category maybe you can search them out.
oh yeah don't be angry at your parents.....you'll only look back at it and think why was I so much freaking trouble to them o_x...<\guilt>



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Le Monkey
post Apr 13 2006, 04:42 PM
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How do IO put this without seeming uncaring and me trying to be a b*tch to you for no reason, wich im not here. Well here goes.

You blame your parents for being caucasion and asian? W T F ?
Being a kid is crappy unless you are normal and generic, it gets better when you get to about 16 when everyone actually thinks, hmm, im growing up.. and most mature pretty fast..
IMO the perseption you have of the way people look at you is paranoia TBH.

And about the manga thing, go for it, ^^
And I would segest a brilliant program for it its called "Manga Studio Debut 3.0" its new out and only about $50, and its damn nice proggie


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Sharingan Serpen...
post Apr 20 2006, 09:47 AM
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Hm...I don't really think about it...I'm not really scared of it actully... dry.gif But I would just get on with my life...

But when I was younger I so wanted to die because of everyone in my primary school.... they all pretty wanted me to suffer so of course I would think about it back then...

I kind a still wanna because of some people in my high school...

Theres always one person out of the rest who's being picked on because their too diffrent


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Chibka
post Apr 20 2006, 11:02 AM
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I accept the concept of death, but it's just so massive that sometimes when I think about it, it scares me some. Sometimes I question what God really has in store for me... and I know I shouldn't. I should trust him and I do. I'm just scared, I guess.

Anyway, when it comes to death, I would love nothing more than to die in my sleep. That would be the best way... painless. Like a dream.
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Chiyo
post Apr 20 2006, 11:17 AM
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FMS, if all you have to complain about in life is being half-cast...count yourself lucky.

The only time I think about death is when I remind myself to live each day to its fullest. I usually don't, but it's a nice theory. Because I don't believe in God, I don't have to fear what will happen to me when I do go.


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Dark Fate
post Apr 20 2006, 11:23 AM
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Do I think about it? Yeah. Do I think about it constantly? Nah. No reason to. Inexorable doom and all that. No amount of thinking will do anything for it.

Ah, immortality would suck, though. As it is, one life is enough to make a person crazy, and I can only imagine what multiple lifetimes would do.


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fma lover stef
post May 1 2006, 08:31 PM
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im not afraid of death if thats what you mean. i don't WANT to die, but i think about what after happens after we die that i become really curious. rolleyes.gif i want to die a painless FAST death. drowning is my worst nightmare, buring ties with that unsure.gif

now, like i said 'what happens when we die?' is a good question. i like to think we get to do what ever we always wanted. i've heard go to heaven, reincarnate as an animal, go back in time and fix mistakes, watch your life on DVD with a buffet of your favorite foods, and much more. personally, i want to haunt people. haunt my previous houses, scare the pants off my grand kids, stuff like that tongue.gif


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GREEDisGOOD
post Jan 22 2007, 07:31 PM
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I know my life is going to end, and I'm going to die. I would much rather think about my life while I still have it.
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Vash_the_Gunslin...
post Jan 23 2007, 06:03 AM
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^^^^^
I agree with you, but if I had a choice I'd choose to die sleeping.
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