Joined: 4-February 05
Member No.: 7,070
Sorry for double posting, didn't mean to press "post" ***
Edward Elric was in his hotel room, lost in deep thought.
"We're almost there," he thought to himself. "Me and Al are so close. I can feel it." Ed closed his eyes and thought of the moment when he returned his brother to his rightful form.
"Yeah. That'll be the day Al, I'm gonna restore you just like I promised. Them we can go back home. Back to Rizembol." Ah Rizembol. Ed recalled all of the farmiliar faces that thrived in his hometown. " I can't wait to go back and see all those farmiliar figures. There'll be Auntie Pinako and... Winry."
"Winry." Ed repeated to himself but this time it escaped his lips in a soft whisper. Ed was buried deep within his thoughts now. "Yeah, I don't know how many times she hit me with that damned wrench of hers!" Ed chuckled softly to himself, recalling all the times she thrown that wrench directly at his skull. But then different thoughts engulfed his mind. He remembered her soft blonde hair and the way she looked at him when they were talking. Her head was always cocked just a little to one side. He lost his train of thought for a moment and smiled to himself.
" But what I remember most," Ed started, "was her sapphire blue eyes. Man, those eyes can kill." and at that last thought he heaved a great sigh of, well, he didn't know what emotion. All he knew was that he missed her. Everything about her. ***
At the same time in the small towm of Rizembol a 16 year old girl lay on her bed, sapphire irises pointed towards the blank cieling. This girl was known as Winry Rockbell and she was going over the list of what went on throughout the day in her mind, like always.
Well, she had helped Granny Pinako with a few repairs but they were all minor. Unlike Ed who was always busting her handmade automail into like a kajillion pieces. " Damn, I wonder how many times I hit him with that wrench he gave me." as she thought this she clumsily felt around her night stand, fumbling with a few objects before finally reaching the wrench. She held it close to her chest. For some reason her thoughts always seemed to drift to those two troblesome Elric brothers. In fact most of the time she spent her time worrying over those two. They never even contacted Granny and her. She shut her eyes and tried to picture the two brothers in her mind's eye.
First there was Al. He was gentle and sweet. A nice guy she had spent growing up with. He was like a brother to her. Then there was Ed. Man that guy was SO short tempered. I mean did he even THINK before using actions? "Probably not." she said to herself.
Well Ed DID deserve SOME form of credit since she had just totally bashed him. He did have nice gold hair. She loved to braid it. She always felt comfortable with him. He made her feel safe and secure. And his intense stare was like no other...
" Oh my god. No.. it couldn't be, of course she had been waiting but that didn't mean she liked one more than the other. No. But... did she?" And she came to realize she loved Ed. And not in the brotherish kind of way. And she held that wrench just a bit tighter than before. ***
On a summer night 2 minds drifted. Waiting for sleep to claim them. One was excited to finish their journey and come back home. To reach the goal which held them back from their return. The other was waiting for that one and always would be. For her heart belonged to him. And as these two closed their eyes, waiting for dreams to overcome them, the world look just a little bit sad.
Joined: 16-March 05
Member No.: 9,836
What can I say? Good start, but - as Chiyo said - little rushed. And about characters - generally good, but I felt like Ed is not behaving like Ed - this same for Winry (but you captured Al very good). This is your first ff, right? So for me it is 6/10 plus one point (for encouragement) - 7/10. Generally speaking - quite good debut:)
Joined: 4-February 05
Member No.: 7,070
Thanks everyone! I'll work harder and try to make it less rushed. About the Ed's character, well he dosn't think he 'loves' Winry but misses her a lot. But I can see where you're coming from with that. Thanks for your opinions!