HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
full metal alchemist
full metal alchemist
 



Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
Emotions Under Metal, An Al centered fic
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 7 2005, 11:47 AM
Post #1


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



Look guys this is my first story(on FMA anyway)But I still don't know if you guys will like it or not. But either way ,I want your opinions.

It's all about Al in this fic and I guess you could classify it as Angst. , but you tell me.

*Puts on a Negative Feedback protection outfit and closes her eyes* Let the story begin!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Al." Winry gasped out, weakly. "Why? Why are you acting this way?" The blonde looked at the Metal suit of Armor in the corner of the room. It was very dark in the basement of Rockabell house, almost eerie. Winry only came down to plead her case to Al.

“I just wanna be left alone Winry. Is it really that horrible.” Al could see the hurt look on Winry’s face. “But Al! Ed is waiting for you to come upstairs! He’s hurting Al, and you’re making him hurt. Just come back upstairs with me so everything can be ok.” Winry put on a fake, wavering smile. Al looked at Winry, shock hidden under his expressionless mask. She’d be willing to lie, block out all his feelings, just so Ed could feel ok? He knew she didn’t mean any harm though, Winry always had a secret love for his older brother, and all she wanted was Ed’s happiness. But at the expense of his?

“Winry, I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not right now. I just need time to think, okay?” Al went into a crouching position, in order to pick himself up off the floor. Winry looked as if she wanted to say more, but she didn’t, and silently she walked up the creaking stairs.

Al felt so confused and alone. Everyone told Ed how amazing it was to have done a soul transmutation perfectly. Al didn’t think it was amazing. ‘But he did the best he could’ Al kept telling himself. ‘I should be grateful. Brother gave up his arm, just so I wouldn’t be a soul that has nowhere to go but death. So why aren’t I grateful?’

Out of anger and confusion, Al hit his fist against his left arm, the clang echoing throughout the room and the vibration of the Metal making a sound to add to it. ”That’s why.” Al said to himself. As weird as it seemed, Al wished his left arm would’ve stung in pain from the impact, leaving blood trickled over a blue bruise. But it wouldn’t. All it left was a few scratches on cold Metal.

Al wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. “I know I’m acting selfish.” Al whined to himself “I know I’m acting like a spoiled child, but I just wish-“ Al said the next words as if they were a curse that brought destruction on the world if he spoke them.”-I just wish brother could’ve done a better job on giving me a body.” But he would never say those words to Edward. No, not with the burden he had already on his shoulders weighing him down. Al would have to be patient, no matter what emotions he felt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So did you guys like it? For you guys that know me well, I know it seemed darker than personality(And when I say dark I mean anything but happy go lucky and Oh I’m so happy fics, not that I don’t like them, ‘cause I do and it’s the majority of stories I write)But just goes to show you the purest person can have the darkest thoughts. tongue.gif


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chiyo
post Mar 7 2005, 12:01 PM
Post #2


Moderator Emeritus
******

Group: Members
Posts: 6,073
Joined: 27-January 05
From: a land called Honah Lee
Member No.: 6,466
Gender: Not Telling



That for a first FMA fic is excellent. You handle the topic really well and you don't give too much away when its not needed. About time Al came back into the picture and someone wrote from his POV.


--------------------

Avatar & Sig by me.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 7 2005, 12:05 PM
Post #3


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



Thanks Chiyo! I made a few mistakes though


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Hagane no Renzy
post Mar 7 2005, 07:13 PM
Post #4


Apprentice
**

Group: Members
Posts: 192
Joined: 21-February 05
From: My Computer Room ^_^
Member No.: 8,256



Really good! I personally like it because Al is one of my fav characters...his personality can get so deep. For a first fanfic, that was great (a lot better than my first! tongue.gif

Could you please make more? I don't care if the endings happy or grim, I'd like to see some kind of ending to your great fic!


--------------------
Quote of the Day:
"Zonkoku na tenshi no you ni...
Shonen yo shinwa ni nare..."
--Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cruel Angel's Thesis
Zio Animated Series
Zio the Matt! The comedy/action anime series created by me and my good friends! Episodes 1-8 complete...care to take a look? See them for free at the forums!
Mi Familia:
Kit- HELLO~!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chiyo
post Mar 8 2005, 04:34 AM
Post #5


Moderator Emeritus
******

Group: Members
Posts: 6,073
Joined: 27-January 05
From: a land called Honah Lee
Member No.: 6,466
Gender: Not Telling



Yes, extend this if you can. Practise makes perfect as they say.


--------------------

Avatar & Sig by me.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 8 2005, 05:53 AM
Post #6


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



But I dunno what else to write!But I'll try....


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chiyo
post Mar 8 2005, 10:30 AM
Post #7


Moderator Emeritus
******

Group: Members
Posts: 6,073
Joined: 27-January 05
From: a land called Honah Lee
Member No.: 6,466
Gender: Not Telling



Just explore Als emotions more. Pick an event that has occured in FMA and write about how Al felt about it...that sort of thing.


--------------------

Avatar & Sig by me.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Yukina_Raven
post Mar 8 2005, 02:57 PM
Post #8


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 279
Joined: 3-January 05
From: Don't worry, I don't know where I am either.
Member No.: 4,976
Gender: Female



Very good for your first attempt. happy.gif I espically loved the description about how Al wished his arm would bleed after he hit it. It's nice to see Al take the spot light in a fic for once. Great job! I hope you decide to continue! happy.gif


--------------------

(Sig copyrighted to Hikusa.)
Winter in Germany - POST SERIES! EdXWinry - Ed is trying to cope with his new life on the other side of the Gate. But now he must decide: Does he love Winry or her relfection? *COMPLETE*
My December - Sequel to 'Winter in Germany'; Ed returns after leaving again for 4 years after his return from the Gate. What awaits him is a very different place and a very broken Winry.
Brothers - A collection of short stories of Ed & Al's childhood. Implied EdXWinry.
Silkspun Dreams - Various EdxWinry one shots
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 9 2005, 05:59 AM
Post #9


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



I won't be able to update until friday because I'll be off that day from school.But I guarantee a new part by then!


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 11 2005, 07:06 AM
Post #10


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



Oh my goodness I can't believe what just happened!I thought I saved Ch.2 on my floppy,but I didn't so I have to write it all over! sad.gif This sucks


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 11 2005, 07:29 AM
Post #11


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



Okay so here is Ch.2!Um,it's probaly not as good as the first one,but you guys want an ending and you're gonna get one! wink.gif
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Al quietly walked up the stairs.All the lights were off in the house ,and Al sighed a breath of relief.'At least they didn't wait for me.'Al thought.He didn't want to face anyone,not right now.

Al tried to silently walk down the hallway past Winry's and Pinako's rooms.His steps made soft little clunks on the wooden floor.He got to his and Ed's room, where Ed was sleeping peacefully.

As Al sat down by the wall he would sleep by, he couldn't help but feel even more guilty. He stared at Ed, who was gently blowing his bangs up and down with his breath while he snored.'Brother loves me.I know it.And I'll always stick by his side.' And mentally, Al shut his eyes and went to sleep.

Al woke to a smiling Ed hovering over him."Al, you're alright."Ed said happily."Ya brother, I'm fine."Al knew by the look on his face that Ed thought all of Al's pain was because of him."Um, let's go brother,I'm sure Winry and Pinako are waiting on us."Al said getting up and heading for the door."Wait, Al" Ed said from behind him.Al scolded himself mentally, knowing what was coming next."Al, do you wish that you could have gotten a better brother to do a better job on your body?"He asked.Al fumbled with his hands.He took the words right out of his thoughts from last night.But Ed wouldn't know of it.

"No brother!I know you tried the best you could with my body and I'm very grateful!"Al tried his best to convince Ed, and Ed looked convinced."Thanks Al.I really needed to hear that."Ed replied gratefully.'Now if I could only convince myself of that.' Al thought.

"Ed,Al! It's 'bout time you lazy boys got up!"Pinako lectured, looking up from the automail leg she was working on.Ed just flashed one of his silly grins at her to say "All is well" without saying anything at all."So, where is Winry?Eating breakfest?"Al asked."Oh no.Winry's outside relaxing with Din.She's probaly fallen back to sleep out there."

As Edward and Alphonse walked toward the field Winry usaully hid in, Al couldn't help but to stare at his "all girns" brother.'Did what I way really make him that happy?'Al pondered.'Good thing I didn't tell him otherwise.But what if I had?What if I told brother what I really felt?Would he be broken up about it?'Al's thoughts and walking was interrupted by hearing someone say "Hey Cutie."

Before him was a blushing Winry and a sleeping Din, so he was pretty sure Ed made the comment."What are yout two doing here?"Winry asked.She was watching Al, as if he could run away at any time and she would be sure to catch him.Al squirmed under her gaze."We wanted to make sure you were okay."Al answered cheerfully.Winry stared at Al even harder,knowing his cheerful tone was just a front."Aw C'mon Win!We just wanted to check if any bugs decided to crawl into your snoring mouth!" Ed teased.His head was soon connected to a metal wrench making him yelp in pain and waking Din up.With Winry yelling, Ed whining in pain, and Din barking up a storm to add to the commotion,Al felt that the attention had shifted off him,which was just the way he liked it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
tempest_Strife
post Mar 11 2005, 08:56 AM
Post #12


Citizen
*

Group: Members
Posts: 79
Joined: 26-February 05
Member No.: 8,631



Wow. I think you nailed a darker side of Al that most people really don't see. The more poeple feel sorry for him, the more depressed he will get. Sort of an out of site, out of mind thing.


--------------------
user posted image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 11 2005, 08:59 AM
Post #13


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



So you liked it?


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
tempest_Strife
post Mar 11 2005, 09:27 AM
Post #14


Citizen
*

Group: Members
Posts: 79
Joined: 26-February 05
Member No.: 8,631



I didn't like it.

I loved it!


--------------------
user posted image
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Chibi-Usa
post Mar 11 2005, 09:47 AM
Post #15


Alchemists
***

Group: Members
Posts: 404
Joined: 11-November 04
Member No.: 2,180



happy.gif


--------------------
IPB Image
^ My siggie was made by the wonderful Riza Babe!^

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 29th July 2016 - 12:50 PM



Copyright ©2003-2004 PhoenixNetworks, LLC. All rights reserved.
Copyright Notice. Privacy policy. Acceptable Use Policy. Terms of Service.
Page Generation Time: 0.0655 seconds.
Currently Selected Stylesheet: css/default.css