HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
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Al, Go Home, My first fanfic..
Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 16 2005, 08:28 AM
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Don't Joke my fanfic! if you read it..


"Where're you going Ed?..." Al had already taken a step towards Ed. "Nowhere...Nowhere.." Edward was begining to walk to the other side of the hill towards an empty field, with a large city off in the distance.

"Ed wait!" Alphonse tried following Edward, But Edward had put his hand up in a motion signalling Al to stop. "I'm not going anywhere." Ed turned to Al, the same smile he had the last time he saw his mother before she died on his face. "Brother..." Ed had started walking again.

"Brother! don't leave me!!" Al cried out to Ed, but Ed hadn't stopped. Soon Winry had come out of her house, and was close behind Ed, leaving Al behind "Where is everyone going?!" Soon Enough the whole town was heading off behind Ed.

Al Followed close behind the people, trying to figure out what was going on. "Why is everyone leaving?..." He just then noticed that the people were carrying what looked like weapons, and they all broke into a sprint, as they did this, Al began to run as well. "What's going on?!" Al pushed his way through the people as they stopped.

Al noticed Ed standing infont of the people with winry by his side. "I'll take my punishment... After all.. I'd be breaking the 'law' if i didn't.." Ed was referring to "Equivalent Trade". "Ed, What's going on?" Alphonse took a step closer. "He's a Monster!!! He destroyed my home and my store!!!"

"Is this true?..."Al looked from the villagers back to Ed. "He destroyed our village just by clapping his hands!!" Ed looked down at the ground. "Why?!" Al began to shake Ed's arm furiously. "Al....Just go home..."



Er.. and that would be the end.


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Chiyo
post Feb 16 2005, 09:03 AM
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The layout is a little confusing to follow, and there isn't too much explanation for things. Apart from that its a good story. Add more please, I wanna know what happens.


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Le Monkey
post Feb 16 2005, 09:20 AM
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looks good, please carry on..


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Hex-Sama
post Feb 16 2005, 09:27 AM
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@Kou the Lightning Alchemist: Nice start, you got me hooked smile.gif . The cliff hanger part was pretty good also. Can't wait tell the next part biggrin.gif !


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Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 16 2005, 10:47 AM
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I'm workin' on the second part now o.o


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hidden_death
post Feb 16 2005, 10:53 AM
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awesome!
hurry up on the second part i want to read it! @_@


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Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 16 2005, 10:59 AM
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Ed glared up at Al with a look on his face that would send men crying to their momies."Al.....go home" Ed growled out with such force, it could break a solid wall into pieces.

"But Ed.."Al cried out, though what he really meant to say never slipped out of his mouth. "Just go home." Ed was now getting furious with Al and his constant nagging. "Ed, i'm not going." Ed now outraged with Al, claps his hands and puts his right hand to the ground.

"Al, go home, or I'll do it." Ed now had a small cannon under his palm. aimed at Al. "Ed..I'm not leaving...tell me what's going on..." BAAAAM suddenly a round is fired from the cannon, but the cannonball barely misses Al's head. It looked as though Ed was serious.

"AHHH" Al was now ducking in fear of being hit. "Why'd you do that Ed?! he's your brother!" Cried out winry, who was now grasping onto his arm tightly, and shaking it. "He's getting too deep into this.. He can't be blamed for my mistakes.." Ed shook his head. "Now Al, Go home now." Al stood up confidently

"I said i'm not leaving." Al was really terrified, but he was hiding it pretty well. "So tell me what happened. "You don't need to know, Al." Ed now had the cannon pointed at Al. "Now Go home or else!!!" he fired another warning shot.

"GET'EM!!" one of the villagers cried out as he ran and attempted to grab Ed's arm. Ed clapped his hand and swung his Automail-sword/arm at the villager.(Take note, Al has his own body.)"I've sacrificed too much to lose it all now.." Ed grabbed Al and winry by the hands, and ran towards the new city. "We're Leaving! NOW!" But Al was still confused. "what did you do that was so bad?.." Al now looked up at Ed who was pulling him by the arm. "well.."


ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!! MWAHAHAHA!


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Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 16 2005, 11:00 AM
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Well..the second part is posted on a seperate topic, it helps seperate the comments between the two parts.


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Chiyo
post Feb 16 2005, 04:38 PM
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You are so cruel...but you did post the next part pretty quick. I like how you have still kept it quiet what he has done (until the next part)

Winry is allowed to stand by him hey? tongue.gif She really does care if she will go anywhere with him.


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Chiyo
post Feb 16 2005, 04:40 PM
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It only just clicked (duh) but Winry is willing to styand by his side and face an angry mob. Ah...love.


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hidden_death
post Feb 16 2005, 05:02 PM
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thats so cruel don't leave now

but anyway that was awesome ^____^


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Quistis88
post Feb 16 2005, 09:51 PM
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Don't start new threads for every chapter, please.


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Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 17 2005, 04:16 AM
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QUOTE(Quistis88 @ Feb 16 2005, 11:51 PM)
Don't start new threads for every chapter, please.
[snapback]115690[/snapback]



I'm not, i wanted to try something new, and piss people off happy.gif I see it worked


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Kou the Lightnin...
post Feb 17 2005, 04:18 AM
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QUOTE(Chiyo @ Feb 16 2005, 06:38 PM)
You are so cruel...but you did post the next part pretty quick. I like how you have still kept it quiet what he has done (until the next part)

Winry is allowed to stand by him hey? tongue.gif  She really does care if she will go anywhere with him.
[snapback]115235[/snapback]




who knows? maybe i'll keep it a secret for longer? tongue.gif


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Chiyo
post Feb 17 2005, 06:06 AM
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blink.gif
Damn you


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