I just don't. I thought it was created to milk money from heavily emotionally invested fans who would think it was great no matter how crappy it actually is. My case and point is: the intro, omg all my favorite characters especially winry in a pseudo hentai position!; the senseless cameos, omg all my favorite characters again! (make it more subtle, don't give each cameo a minute of screen time centered on them with ed gawking); and the ending, omg my favorite characters smashed together in an uber contrived happy ending.
...., I don't care about sad endings because I'm a big boy who won't write hate mail if I am heavily invested into a silly cartoon. Likewise, don't force a history lesson down my throat with "blah blah blah hitler blah blah blah beer hall putsch blah blah blah inflation blah blah blah insert real life nazi leader here". They take this a step further with an utterly laughable villain climax. I mean come on, "I will destroy your world because I don't understand you people, but if I did get to know you guys better, then I would like you", where she then proceeds to attack. I am not exaggerating and it's just as silly as "Nyahahhahaha captain planet, I will throw my trash, OUTSIDE OF THE TRASH CAN NO LESS and destroy the ecosystem. Only our young viewers can prevent forest fires".
To finally prove that the writers (likely monkeys using their feces to write) didn't care about making a sensible story line that can seem remotely canon to the fluid and thought provoking anime, I will list just a few laughable pieces of monkey .... that were attempted to be passed off as major plot points.
1) Oh yea, I forgot that Al and Ed sent off this joke of a villain with a Uranium bomb in a woven basket through the gate. Oh yeah, the pressure force of passing through the gate won't kill main characters ( a concept introduced by this joke of a movie).
2) We, the evil nazis, "Nyahahahahahahha", have a uranium bomb in a basket and the 1920's world will tremble at the site of this untested, unproven, and never used before woven basket!
3) "We cannot use alchemy in this world....... well except for this one little patch of land". Come on, that is weak. I thought of the anime as better than a soap opera since they always had logical character motives and fluid foreshadowing (surprises made sense! I miss that).
4) "The gate, it's only one way". An hour later (not even caring that the viewer with half a brain would notice another contrived plot device), "The gate is permanently open, I must seal it", to destroy any credibility for this movie just to hopefully make the viewer temporarily sad for Al and Ed.
5) Al: My memories, they are inexplicably back, and conveniently in time for the movie's forced, to the point of vomiting, happy ending.
6) "I am the ultimate villain and learned alchemy in 1 second. It will take all of the series' most powerful alchemists to defeat me. Brawwwr, and the nazis still lost world war 2 even with our ultimate power and the uranium bomb in a basket". My only response after this was, "f*!@! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS ANY _ _ _ _ING MORE!
Frankly, I hate this movie and I hope the creators suck a _ _ _ _ (fill in the blanks with whatever you want) for the time I wasted. I respected the series for being intellectually provoking before I saw this piece of _ _ _ _ (fill in the blanks).
Am I missing some kind of pure 24k entertainment gold here, or does nothing save this utterly trashy film.