HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
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The Waters Of Lethe, Edward tries to let go of his past
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Edamame
post Jan 3 2007, 08:10 AM
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Love the suspense IttyBittyPretty. (Poor Ed never has it easy.) I look forward to reading your next chapter. (You have already made me despise Dietlinde.)


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IttyBittyPretty
post Jan 3 2007, 04:58 PM
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Believe it or not, I've written 31 chapters of this already and I'm going to torture Edward worse than ever in these later bits. Dietlinde was sadly underused and just not evil enough in the movie.
That is one thing I never understood after Edward's first confrontation with the Thule Society. After Ed was caught, she knew who she had - why didn't she keep him her prisoner after he was knocked out? She already had Hohenheim, and one of his sons, when she could have had BOTH. In this drabble series, she will be truly EVIL.


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IttyBittyPretty
post Jan 15 2007, 05:13 PM
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The Waters of Lethe

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, I just like to play around in it's world and torture Ed for awhile.
Summary: Post series and very AU, these drabbles suppose Ed's live in the machine (our) world with very different events than in the movie.
Warning: possible movie spoilers, also bad language, violence, and perhaps sex.

12. The Wily Mouse (Die Wily Maus)


His lungs burning, and sweating despite the cold, Edward slewed to a stop across the street from Munich's train station. It was a grand old nineteenth century pile and brightly lit all night because trains arrived and departed nearly around the clock. It had been a nerve wracking flight from his house to here. Edward had kept to alleys or back streets all the way, and his heart had raced every time a car engine was heard behind him. The street before him was busy with auto traffic, but no one seemed to be about to screech to a halt and disgorge large men in black trenchcoats to chase him.

Edward dug in his left coat pocket and found an old handkerchief, softened from repeated washings. He used it to dab the sweat off his face. It wouldn't do to look nervous in the station because he needed to blend in with the hundreds of other travellers. Edward stood up straight and transferred his suitcase from under his right arm to his left hand, took a deep breath and told himself, Green means go, red means stop - green means GO!

He walked quickly across the street, dodged one oncoming car and pushed against the great doors to the main hall of the station and once inside, disappeared into the mass of surging humanity. Barely thirty seconds later, two large touring cars turned the corner and braked in open spots near the entrance. Hess's men poured out of the first car, and Hess himself stepped regally from the second before he turned back to Dietlinde, "We will find him Fraulein, that I promise you."

For his part, Edward was being carried along by a swarm of travellers towards the platform which led towards trains which were bound for points south. Not until the crowd split between two seperate sets of those was he finally able to break free and fight his way towards a ticket window. The line he found himself in seemed intermimable and he was close to giving up and using the Calais ticket when he heard something unusual: two men speaking in oddly accented English.

One was complaining bitterly, "Dammit, Mike! You got all the luck, the last ticket on tonight's express to Calais! Now I gotta cool my heels in this damn station all night - you ever been someplace so noisy? Man, I tell ya Mike, I can't wait to get back to Wyoming! Even the middle of a herd of lowing cows is quieter than this!"

Mike was chuckling at his friend's discomfiture. "I feel your pain Steve, really I do. I'll wait for you in Portsmouth, I promise. I'm not sailing for home without the best saddle tramp in the whole west!"

Wyoming? Saddle tramp? They must be Americans!

They were very near and about to pass so close by, Steve's long leather coat would brush against him.

Edward made a snap decision.

"Excuse me - um, Steve?"


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dzioo
post Jan 15 2007, 09:40 PM
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gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Ed's going to Americaaa!!!! XDDDDD hahaha that amuses me bunches XDDDDD great chapter as always!! I really like how you made Ed a lucky brat XDD I'm talking about the fact that just when he got into transtation, thule has arrived^^
I cannot wait for more^^
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Edamame
post Jan 16 2007, 10:37 AM
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The thought of Edward in America amuses me greatly. (I always thought of Edward as an "European".) You left us at a cliff-hanger yet again, so I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter along with Dzioo. Now I'm wondering if Edward will be heading to Europe, or having a lovely confrontation with the Thule society.

~There are some typos in this chapter:
1. slewed to a stop--> slowed
2. The stret before him-->street
3. but no one car--> but not one
4. disgorging large men: Perhaps it is just me, but the word disgorging doesn't sound right in context.
5. seemed intermitable--> seemed interminable





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IttyBittyPretty
post Jan 16 2007, 09:09 PM
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1) One of the definitions of "slewed" is "skidded". The sidewalk was slushy so Edward came to sliding stop.
2) Typo fixed
3) I'll delete "car" but I hope that doesn't confuse anyone
4) "Disgorge" was the best word I could think of at the time. I try to stay away from the thesaurus because it's a tool. And like most tools, it's too easy to turn into a crutch.
5) Interminable, interminable, interminable. I always have trouble with that word. I should hang my head in shame. When still in school, I was among the top five spellers in my class, only ONCE did I get worse than an "A" or "B" on a spelling test.

Will Ed go America? Maybe. A plot line I toyed with was having Steve and Jim rescue Ed and take him to Wyoming with them where he learns to ride, and rope cattle and learn to like "cowboy coffee". To hold his liquor, and spit in the street, and cuss and ride a bronco. But it seems like a dead end, would the Thule Society be that motivated to go out to Wyoming and try to grab him? It's got possibilities, so if someone wants to run with the idea, they are welcome to "gopher" it.


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Edamame
post Jan 17 2007, 06:59 AM
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Dietlinde goes to Wyoming...now there is a rather frightening thought. (She could always chase Ed around with a cattle-prod.) I have to admit that while I would love to see Ed attempt to ride a bronco and rope cattle, I agree that it could potentially lead to a dead end. However, you can never be too sure until you start writing and the the characters take on a life of their own.

Ps- Thank you for adding to my personal lexicon. I never knew that slewed was a word, and you don't need to delete 'car', because I was pointing out that no should have been not.


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IttyBittyPretty
post Jan 29 2007, 04:44 PM
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The Waters of Lethe

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, I just like to play around in it's world and torture Ed for awhile.
Warning: These drabbles are post series, very AU and may contain movie spoilers. As well as bad language, violence, death, and maybe sex. Certainly crimes against proper grammar and punctuation!


13. The net begins to close (Das netz fangst an zu Schieben)

Hearing his name spoken, Steve stopped and looked at the slight figure before him. He took in the long hair in a ponytail, the pale face, and the long brown coat which hung off the narrow shoulders. And Steve thought, This little fella could do with a few more meals.

"Excuse me," Edward said again. "I apologize for being for forwards, but I couldn't help overhearing." Not wanting to look him full in the face, he didn't quite meet Steve's eyes. "I have an extra ticket for the Calais express - it's non- refundable - and it's a shame to let it go to waste." Edward dug in his pocket and pulled out the slightly crumpled ticket, then held it up to Steve's eyes.

"Non-refundable, eh"? Steve was intrigued - yet suspicious. What was this kid doing wandering around the Munich train station on a school night? Where were his parents? The boy suddenly stiffened and looked back over his shoulder with golden eyes which seemed too large for his thin face. Now he looked frightened and Steve had this feeling the kid was in some kind of trouble. When young, Steve used to get into scrapes too, and a sudden twinge of sympathy made him decide to help the kid.

"Okay kid, I'll bite," Steve snatched the ticket with a quick flick of his fingers, but to his surprise the boy looked relieved rather than dismayed. "Now, where's your parents - back there?" He pointed back towards the entrance and Edward shot him a distinctly alarmed look. Steve could hear someone shouting in German near the entrance doors and he wondered if that was what spooking the kid.
____________________________________________________________________________

"Has anyone seen this young man?!" Rudolph Hess held up a photo of Edward high in the air and moved it slowly back and forth in front of a rough semi-circle of on-lookers. "His father died very suddenly, and he was so distraught his father's friends feared for the poor fellow's sanity. They had him committed to an institution, but he recently escaped and we believe he is in this station."

"Is he dangerous?" asked a plump hausfrau, anxiously cuddling two small boys.

Hess smiled warmly at her. "Only if he's cornered, madame. So if you see him, don't approach, but inform a station employee and we will handle everything."

One of Hess's men came up to him and whispered "It's all arranged, Herr Hess." Rudoph nodded. Dr. Stein had been escorted to the station agent's office to wait. Once they caught Elric, he would be taken there to be sedated. Hess had sent two of his bigger men to the platform the Calais express would be leaving from, but just in case, station employees would be warned to be on the lookout for a small man with long blonde hair in a ponytail.

No matter which direction the little fish swims in, he will soon be struggling in the net we have cast.


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Chiyo
post Feb 1 2007, 03:46 AM
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I like having chapters at this length, means I can catch up quicker. Nice use of descriptions and the characterization is playing along well.


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Edamame
post Feb 1 2007, 09:06 AM
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I'm glad to see that you update Itty Bitty Pretty. I enjoyed reading your latest chapter and agree with Chiyo that you are doing a great job with your character descriptions and detail. I look forward to reading your next chapter, and discovering if the Thule Society will catch Ed. Nice work!


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IttyBittyPretty
post Feb 1 2007, 09:30 PM
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Why thank you, Edamame. Your's, and Chiyo's kind words make me feel all warm inside. And just in time too, Wisconsin is in for a serious cold snap. Monday's high is predicted to be just 6 degrees above zero! Brrr!


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bishie-huntin...
post Feb 10 2007, 01:32 AM
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Who knew I'd be able to find a nice fic here but is he really going to be thought how to do some objects & past times Americans do? Though I wonder why you would use the word disgorge because it literally means to hand over or in description, to emit, flow out, restore or pay. I thoroughly understood your explanation earlier but I still think you should have used a less heavier term for it especially if you don't want your readers to resort and retrieve the dictionary or the thesaurus eventually disturbing them from reading the story you've made. But I am really relieved that the ending of your chapters seemed exceptionally proper and always leaves the reader in suspense. I hope you continue your work for it really is interesting & I hope I could be of any assistance as well. ( because I want to be a part of it too. Send me a P.M. for the answer and sorry if I acted like some British teacher or something I just want to show you what I can do. Sorry! I already have a feeling you won't accept. I think deserve it though it hurts me to admit.)


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IttyBittyPretty
post Feb 10 2007, 06:23 PM
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You hide your light under a bushel. English majors make the best betas, I have found. If you REALLY want to take on this thankless task, the upcoming chapter 28 of "And All Manner of Things Shall Be Well" could use a fresh pair of eyes to look at it. Chapter 29 is half written right now. I've also got a couple of unpublished stories, "Home Again, Home Again", "Naughty Bits", and Plans of Attack."
Um, maybe you might not want to latter two if you are under 21, because those have turned out rather "smutty" (that's right kiddies, they contain S-E-X!). I DO have a bad habit of using off-beat words, as well as being generally being too "wordy". That is one reason I started this drabble series, to challenge myself to write a descriptive chapter which fits on one page. And end each one in a cliffhanger too.
Personally, I like "disgorge" because in my mind's eye, the bad guys would come out in a rush to chase Edward down and grab him. And it wouldn't hurt some readers to be forced to resort to a dictionary or a thesaurus to find out the definition of a word. ( One of my best friends on this fantasy horse racing circuit is a college librarian and she comes up with the most esoteric names for her horses.)
So, LMK if you are game, send your email address (in case it's private) and I can send you a chapter via attachment.


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bishie-huntin...
post Feb 11 2007, 02:16 AM
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Oh! Thank you for accepting my offer! (And F.Y.I. I'm only a near 13 year old, 2nd honor, grade 6 student from the Philippines whose currently having problems because my voice sounds like Edo's, Hitsugaya's & Ren's in the Jap. version. [trust me it's hard if every person who knows them says, "Why won't you dub his voice! You could do better than the rest anyway!"] I'm not bragging nor lying though. They really say it especially when I sing, yell or say anything particularly if I'm depressed, angry or any expression. I just can't quit for it just comes out or am I born this way?)

Anyway, here's my e-mail address:

lovely_songstress@yahoo.com

I'll try to send it to you as soon as possible! ( even if i have a tight schedule with all the requirements and all. But please don't mind it! I can handle it!) And I don't mind sex because we took up last year. (probably one of the easiest topics... even if they say it's as complex as studying the Immune, Lymphatic, Endocrine & Central Nervous system. Sorry! But it's so easy and basic. Nothing personal to those people out there. It's just how I am.) Can you send it to me by e-mail so I can get it A.S.A.P? Do mo!

P.S.

Sorry if I'm a bit talkative. It's just that, it's the 1st time someone accepted me in this site. (I had bad experience with people when I commented in a certain forum in a certain site which I won't name but some people gladfully accepted me in a Bleach site.) Honto arigatou yo IttyBittyPretty-kun! And oh yeah, can we be friends? I know it sounds a bit imformal but I want a friend to trust. (If you aren't from a different country it's okay with me.) 'hope you accept me though. But if not, it's okay with me. Really!


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IttyBittyPretty
post Feb 11 2007, 08:40 PM
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All right. I will send the first chapter of "Home Again, Home Again" to you. Chapter 28 is rather long, about 11 pages or so. Maybe you might want to work up to it with shorter material first.


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