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Teen Sex (excluding Married Teens For This Discussion), Acceptable Or Not, And At What Age?, Shall we provide sex-ed? If so, at what age?
Popogeejo
post Jul 2 2010, 03:44 PM
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okay, onto the meat of this post;
QUOTE (Night Watcher Alchemist @ Jul 1 2010, 03:04 PM) *
Why do young people (teenagers) have sex before they are married?

Because they want to have sex. The media clearly shows sex to be enjoyable but only for adults only so like beer and cigarettes teens want to try it. By making it seem mystical and for grown ups only it makes kids, who desperately want to be grown up, want to try it.

QUOTE
What age should sex be allowed at?

uh-oh. Danger question. One could argue that once they're ready and be as vague as that. I'd say the UK's age of consent at 16 is pretty good age. Of course that means nothing. Consent laws are strange. If a 15 year old wants to sleep with his 14 year old girl friend no law will stop 'em and they should have access to contraceptives.

QUOTE
Should we have sex education in school

Yes. No question.

QUOTE
and what age?

10 or 11 for the basics (babies, safety, sexuality and mutual respect.) At 13-14 I'd probably consider educating them about more "dirty" subjects though I dislike the term dirty.
Kids should learn about things like what constitutes rape (not just forced sex but other things like non-consensual acts that can be done during consensual sex (external ejaculation etc.) They should also know that they need to be open with their partners.

QUOTE
Do you think it would make teenagers want to have sex more or less?

Neither. Hormones do that, not information. By de-mystifying sex these kids can make better choices and if they want to have sex they can do it in a safer manner. By not educating them you make sex seem taboo so when they do have sex and something goes wrong because they haven't been properly educated about contraception they'll be less inclined to seek help. By knowing what they're doing and being able to talk about sex if something goes wrong they won't be scared about seeking help.

QUOTE
Why do people want to do sex with some random person, and why even have sex, at all, before you get married?

Because it's nice. With a consenting partner and a good setting it's fun and safe. "Random people" is a bit odd. Most people do it with people they've gotten to know on some level. It's rare someone will just go out and sleep with a total stranger. Some people do that though. As long as they do it safely and consensually it's fine, I guess.

QUOTE
I'm living my life to it's fullest, and am not going to do it,

Good for you.

Sex is something young people should be able to talk about. They should know the ins and outs and how to do it safely and comfortably. It should be open and considered as just another thing people do. By making it seem like this mysterious act for adults or an act that makes romantic relationships "real" you'll just make kids want to do it more despite not truly being ready. The white text in this thread is just adding to the problem.
"We can't talk about sex in the open! It's a secret! Shh."
Young teens want to try and present themselves as mature and grown up so if they think sex is a mature and grown up act they'll want to try it, if only for bragging rights. It's the same reason you get so many kids sneaking beer and smokes. If they had normal access to such things they probably wouldn't be nearly as much kids doing that stuff.



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A Pierrot's Aria
post Jul 2 2010, 04:01 PM
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QUOTE (Broken Chouchou @ Jul 2 2010, 08:42 PM) *
I actually meant physically. All these toxins and chemicals we're being subjected to daily is a theory on why it's happened/happening. Which reminds me, a few days ago I read an article in the newspapers about a girl who got her period at age 3.5. And there wasn't a disease or anything like that behind it; her hypophysis had simply started producing hormones that early, without any apparant reason.

Anyway, growing up faster physically probably affects you psychologically too. But I think it's more to blame on society in this case, which I understand is your main point.


Aaaah, right. smile.gif Then yes, in that case I think it's entirely plausible for psychological affects of early puberty to take hold.

@Night Watcher Alchemist I see what you mean about them being lucky. As Popogeejo says, it's one of the things that teens like to brag about. xD I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard people under 16 brag about "getting some". o.o

@Popogeejo It's not that it's about sex, the white-out text is the opinions which concern the original title of the thread which was to do with premarital sex rather than teen sex. xD The thread title got changed and the previous comments got colour changed by the mods because most of us got onto the subject of teen sex rather that premarital, so now the latter is off-topic. smile.gif


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Broken Chouchou
post Jul 2 2010, 05:28 PM
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QUOTE (Popogeejo @ Jul 3 2010, 12:44 AM) *
If they had normal access to such things they probably wouldn't be nearly as much kids doing that stuff.


Well, when regarding sex, I don't know. Would being knowledgable about it beforehand really make it less exciting? How much is hormones and how much is psychology?

Anyway, it's been argued back and forth whether or not to let your children have access to alcohol, in an attempt to make it less "exciting", really is a wise decision. "Better have them drunk at home than out on the street, right?".
Some articles and studies have said that in these families, the children drink more on an average compared to those who haven't had access to alcohol at home. Instead of the "being-used-to-it" factor resulting in the effect of alcohol seeming less intriguing, and less lucrative, chanses are moderate that you'll develop a habit of drinking, and maybe an addiction. That's the trend, anyway, and at any rate it certainly doesn't stop people from drinking.

According to the articles I've read. I'm sure there are studies that say otherwise.


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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 2 2010, 08:33 PM
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no offense, but he has a point! if you look at it physically, you'll think that making it less exciting will make it less exciting. Hormones do play a major role as far as I'm concerned.

True! I vowed myself to be a virgin, but that does not mean at being a virgin, you don't think about it. Just because you make yourself as something, and looking at what you're up against, knowing it's wrong, you will still think about it, and may be tempted to do it!

The way I was introduced to it made me worried, and not to mention cautious, but the only reason I was able to see sex that way is because I had an environment to help me look at it that way. It does not mean said environment prevents me from thinking about it.

These two factors, yes, play important roles, but I do believe one is missing, and that's the way said people grew up. This I've recently learned. So, if you think hormones, and the psycological things are alone, for there's still one thing left that will provoke you!


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FMAobsessed
post Jul 2 2010, 08:51 PM
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Teens will have sex if they want to. They will find a way. They see it everyday on the internet or on television shows, even the news will cover sex scandals. If you watch shows like Law and Order there are episodes dealing with teen rape and sex. There are some out there that think just because they saw it on TV makes it ok to do it in real life. And yes sex is fine to do, but make sure you know the precautions and things.

I had Sex Ed in middle school, but they just covered the same topic, which was if you are a female was, "Women have Periods." Yeah, no kidding it was only the third year in a row we were learning that.
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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 2 2010, 09:00 PM
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QUOTE (FMAobsessed @ Jul 2 2010, 08:51 PM) *
Teens will have sex if they want to. They will find a way. They see it everyday on the internet or on television shows, even the news will cover sex scandals. If you watch shows like Law and Order there are episodes dealing with teen rape and sex. There are some out there that think just because they saw it on TV makes it ok to do it in real life. And yes sex is fine to do, but make sure you know the precautions and things.


again with an interesting concept! FMAobsessed, you do point at a strong point to where they have the idea, but do you believe that's all it is, or do you just plan to scratch the surface. Like I said, I do believe there is more behind it; a lot of people have given some examples.


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FMAobsessed
post Jul 3 2010, 01:26 PM
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@Night Watcher Alchemist: I also believe that it is hormones too that are making teenagers want to have sex. I am sure our parents and grandparents thought about sex when they were teens. But I feel like they weren't as exposed to it as teens nowadays. I mean there are shows now like the Bachelor or Jersey Shore where it is all about group orgies and getting in bed with as many people as possible. Almost like a competition or something. Well the shows that my parents and grandparents watched during the 60's, were family oriented. Most of the time the master bedroom was never shown. (ie, the 1950's sitcom Leave it to Beaver) Or if the master bedroom was shown it was shown that the married couple slept in seperate twin beds. (ie, the 1950's sitcom The Andy Griffith Show I believe.) So in my opinion I feel like it is hormones and the fast paced life of sex that is making it seem interesting to try for teens. Plus shows like the Bachelor or The Girls Next Door aren't talking about the consequences with sex. There aren't shows out there that are called "If you Have Unprotected Sex, Chances Are You Will Get An STD"

But honestly I would have to look up articles if TV and the media influences teenagers ideas about sex. This is just my opinion with no sources backing it up. But if need be I could try to find some sources.
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Chiyo
post Jul 3 2010, 01:42 PM
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I think if you look at the media as a creature to blame, it isn't just sex. Children are not children for as long as they used to be I would say. In the most simple example, when I was young I had a Barbie and she had several "jobs". My younger sister had a Bratz that came with...clothing and a date I think. Instead of having a doll to role play as a teacher/nurse/vet...you have a doll that's goal is to make its over emphasized hips and lips look good to get itself a date. Though I don't deny Barbie has quite a look/body, those Bratz were designed to scream "sexual appeal".

Swerving quickly off topic though. What I am trying to get at is that children are influenced to be adults before they have even hit puberty. No need to wait to be an adult to have sex if you've been wearing thongs since you were 7.


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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 4 2010, 02:37 PM
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@Chiyo: That's kinda the reason my family is against the doll. If kids are influenced to become adults, it will provoke some mature thoughts.


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jacksparrow589
post Jul 9 2010, 09:04 AM
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If I may throw in my two bits...

Like several others have stated, I'm okay with the idea that teens above about 15 (at the very youngest) having sex as long as they know what they are doing in terms of protection and just being safe in general, and (here's the catch, which really applies to any thoughts I have on relationships) that there is a decent amount of trust, love, preparedness, willingness, etc. I know that teens will be teens and that hormones and general lack of maturity and development don't help things, but that's where sex-ed comes in.

Personally, I went to Catholic schools that offered (in my opinion) pretty comprehensive sex-ed starting in 5th grade (10-11 yrs old) where we covered anatomy, puberty and development, and admittedly the sketchiest outlines of what intercourse was. However, we continued in a bit more detail including pregnancy and STDs in 6th grade and 7th grade, and then again in 10th grade, and while heavier emphasis was placed on abstinence as "the best protection" against anything, our teachers made sure we knew about the various forms of protection. I won't say we were encouraged to experiment--we weren't--but compared to other programs I've heard about, sex wasn't as blatantly discouraged in ours. (We were also given a thorough talking-to about how mutual love and trust should be requisite parts of any relationship, sexual or not, and I'd say I very much agree.)

Anyway, back to the question of at what age should sex-ed start, I'd say we handled it pretty well as 5th graders. (As I recall, most kids had had some sort of talk with their parents by then, anyway. I know I had.)

I do agree that the media does not show nearly enough of the consequences of sex, and I feel that it treats most other relatively risky behaviors with the same casualness.

Put simply, again, like others have said, it's not the age that matters to me so much as it is the maturity. Maturity definitely comes with age, though, and I wish there wasn't so much of an emphasis on growing up so quickly. Kids should be informed about what's going on and how to handle it, and thoroughly informed of the consequences.


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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 11 2010, 09:26 PM
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QUOTE (jacksparrow589 @ Jul 9 2010, 09:04 AM) *
Put simply, again, like others have said, it's not the age that matters to me so much as it is the maturity. Maturity definitely comes with age, though, and I wish there wasn't so much of an emphasis on growing up so quickly. Kids should be informed about what's going on and how to handle it, and thoroughly informed of the consequences.


another good statement, but i just dont like it because ive met some people, who even were smart, and just became broken afterwords...i dont like watching tht happen......


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jacksparrow589
post Jul 11 2010, 10:01 PM
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^I understand and completely respect that. I'll be the first to admit I've led a relatively sheltered life, so I haven't had firsthand experience (referring to myself, my good friends, and my family--at least, not that anyone's ever said) with the harsher consequences. I really don't think most 15-year-olds are mature enough, to be honest, so I probably shouldn't have left my "acceptable" age that low, but, rare as they may seem, there are those kids who get it. They're certainly not me at that age, or anybody I know/knew. I guess I'm just big on freedom to make informed decisions at the earliest possible time, and that may or may not be a good thing in this case.


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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 12 2010, 04:25 AM
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another interesting concept. If you look at it in a different perspective, you'd see age doesn't matter, but maturity does; the others had the right idea on that one.

I believe that with doing this, you are making yourself for sale, making yourself worthless, but that's just me; barely anybody I know follows this. However, if one is mature enough, then it's enough.

Mature, apparently, is different in everybody's eyes, so as for a course of what to call mature, there would be several explanations.


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jacksparrow589
post Jul 12 2010, 08:04 AM
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Ah, I should have specified. By "earliest possible time", I didn't mean a set age--I meant when maturity is reached. I believe I said something similar in my original post with "it's not the age that matters to me so much as it is the maturity", although right after that, I did indeed say that maturity comes with age. That last bit was to prevent people from going, "so if a 10-year-old claims to be mature enough, you're saying they should have sex?" No. Most 10-year-olds are not physically prepared, let alone anywhere near emotionally and/or mentally mature enough, and those that might be would (I hope) have the sense to wait.

I also agree that maturity is very hard to pin down when it's not physical, and therein lies one of the bigger problems. Kids think that they get it and that nothing can go wrong because they've thought of everything when they've really thought of nothing but their own pleasure, and it's sad.

As to self-respect, I was lucky enough to nearly always be surrounded by people who cared and told me I was worth something as a person, and I've definitely lived by telling myself, "I'm enough for me, and I'm not going to 'sell' myself to anyone." (In terms of sex, drugs, etc.) I think that sex-ed sometimes neglects the "you don't need sex to be worth anything" component, or it sounds so cheesy that people don't believe it. It's frustrating to see people think that way, but there's only so much any one person can do.

There's obviously no single approach to sex-ed that works for every single person, but I'd submit that almost any is better than none at all. Beyond that, there really isn't much else anyone can do.


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Night Watcher Al...
post Jul 12 2010, 10:09 AM
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@jacksparrow589-that's a very true fact, and it's a shame barely anyone understands it...they just have a sense that goes past judgment. One can only hope others will learn, but if they are maturely taught then there's a chance, but you never know, I suppose....


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