HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
full metal alchemist
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Father, Angsty songfic
Reta McClain
post Jan 14 2007, 02:07 AM
Post #1


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So, first time posting FMA fanfiction and almost first time writing it.

Summary: Takes place before Trisha's death. This can fit into both manga- and animeverse.
Warnings: Edo-kun is being angsty.
Notes: My eh... first songfic so it can be awful. I don't myself really have a clue so you have to tell me. Song is called Isä (Father) and it is actually Finnish song and the English lyrics you see are done by me. The artist is Johanna Debreczeni.
And sorry about my grammar. Being non-English can be hard when writing something.

Father

Alone wandering in the night
And feeling my last strength run out
As I feel your strength
You make me believe
Nothing is so cold
If you lose hope


He is sleeping. My little brother. The one you left behind. I can't understand why you left... Weren't we good enough to you? All those things you said... Were they all lies? Alphonse says we should wait for you to come back. If I just... could believe that it would happen.

I remember those sailings
To the lonely island
Even if it's storming
You said; Everything'll be alright


I remember what it used to be like. You would play with me or help mom with chores. When I hurt myself while playing, you would always take me in your arms and bandage scrapes on my knees. Do you remember those days? When we were happy? When mom was happy... Before you left.

As we watched the sky
I trusted in angel
Why did you fly away so early?


Why did you leave? Weren't you happy? I remember... when you tucked me in at night... Gave goodnight kiss and said that you loved me. I trusted you. I trusted that you would be here forever... Saying those same words to Alphonse. I knew you did but... He doesn't remember it. And it hurts.

I remember your warm smile
You were eternal to me
Even if it's storming
You could always understand


I remember how you used to smile. How you smiled when I tackled you... How you smiled when I came to your and mom's room when it was storming outside... I trusted you with my fears. Knowing you would understand. Was that a lie also?

Father, wherever you are
I'll find you later
You can never lose a friend


I'm going to find you. I don't want to see mom sad... I know she would be happy to have you back... Alphonse would be happy... I would be happy. I can't lose you, dad.

As short as the trip of the human is
I've longing as my friend forever
As long as you live
Someone keeps you as memory
Everything is in waste
If I lose you


// Kind of short, ne?


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Edamame
post Jan 14 2007, 06:50 AM
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Reta, you definetly show a great command for the English language. I had no problem understanding what you wanted to convey in your story. Although there are some very slight grammar and spelling mistakes, they did not take away from the story as a whole. (I could point them out to you if you like.) The song that you chose for your fiction was both beautiful and poigant, and it works quit well alongside the memories from Ed's past. Perhaps you could expand up Ed's memories and emotions towards the leaving of his father, because they fit so well with the song that you chose. Its a bitter-sweet song-fic overall, and I hope that you continue to write or even expand up this current fiction.


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Reta McClain
post Jan 14 2007, 12:36 PM
Post #3


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Thank you, Edamame! *blushes* I'm happy, that someone whose native language is English can understand my ramblings *laughs*
I'd really appreciate it if you could point out my mistakes. Maybe I'd get better school marks...
And I write what comes to my head *shrugs* Ed's memories didn't come so...

I'm rambling again.


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A Fangirl of Good Looking Fullmetal Alchemist Men = FGLFMAM
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Edamame
post Jan 14 2007, 02:08 PM
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No problem Reta!

1. And feeling my last strenght run out: strength
2. Nothing's so cold: Nothing is so cold
3.As we watched the sky
I trusted in angel
Why you flew away so early
?: I really do not want to ruin the beauty of the original song, but the verb tense for the last line doesn't sound quit right. Perhaps it could read- Why did you fly away so early?

4. I noticed that you used a great deal of elipsis points (...), but they seem to work in this context.


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Reta McClain
post Jan 14 2007, 09:53 PM
Post #5


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Thank you once again, Edamame! I knew the song was somewhat off being translation from the original and all. And it didn't change at all if I fixed the mistakes. (There's something off in that sentence too O_o I'm sure of it...)


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A Fangirl of Good Looking Fullmetal Alchemist Men = FGLFMAM
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