Joined: 9-January 07
From: The middle of nowhere, South Dakota
Member No.: 43,729
King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. [the Black Knight doesn't respond] King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [No response] King Arthur: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot. [No response] King Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? [No response] King Arthur: You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy! [Attempts to get around the Black Knight] Black Knight: None shall pass. King Arthur: What? Black Knight: None shall pass! King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge. Black Knight: Then you shall die. King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside! Black Knight: I move for no man. King Arthur: So be it! [They fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm] King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary! Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch! King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off! Black Knight: No, it isn't! King Arthur: Well, what's that then? King Arthur: I've had worse. King Arthur: You liar! Black Knight: Come on, you pansy! [They fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm] King Arthur: Victory is mine! [Kneels to pray] King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy - [Cut off by the Knight kicking him] Black Knight: Come on, then. King Arthur: What? Black Knight: Have at you! King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine! Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh? King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have. King Arthur: *Look*! Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Bedevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got .... all over him.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England! 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one! King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse? King Arthur: Yes! 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts! King Arthur: What? 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together. King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through... 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts? King Arthur: We found them. 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical! King Arthur: What do you mean? 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried. 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut? King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk! 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here? 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? King Arthur: Please! 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?
The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch! Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this! Crowd: We didn't! We didn't... The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well? Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose. Sir Bedevere: The nose? Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch! Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her! Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this? Peasant 1: No! Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No! Peasant 3: No! Peasant 1: No! Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No! Peasant 1: Yes! Peasant 2: Yes! Peasant 1: Yeah a bit. Peasant 3: A bit! Peasant 1, Peasant 2: A bit! Peasant 2: a bit Peasant 1: But she has got a wart! Random Person in the crowd: *cough* *cough* Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us. Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches? Peasant 1: Burn them. Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches? Peasant 1: More witches. Peasant 2: Wood. Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn? Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood? Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood? Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her. Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone? Peasant 1: Oh yeah. Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water? Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond! Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water? Peasant 1: Bread. Peasant 2: Apples. Peasant 3: Very small rocks. Peasant 1: Cider. Peasant 2: Gravy. Peasant 3: Cherries. Peasant 1: Mud. Peasant 2: Churches. Peasant 3: Lead! Lead! King Arthur: A Duck. Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically... Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood. Sir Bedevere: And therefore... Peasant 2: ...A witch!
King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid. Bridgekeeper: What... is your name? Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot. Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest? Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour? Sir Lancelot: Blue. Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go. Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Sir Robin: That's easy. Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. Bridgekeeper: What... is your name? Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot. Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest? Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria? [pause] Sir Robin: I don't know that. [he is thrown over the edge into the volcano] Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh. Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name? Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot. Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest? Galahad: I seek the Grail. Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour? Galahad: Blue. No, yel... [he is also thrown over the edge] Galahad: auuuuuuuugh. Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name? King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest? King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow? Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that. [he is thrown over] Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh. Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows? King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart] Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one. The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: What? Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead. Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not. The Dead Collector: He isn't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better. Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby. The Dead Collector: I can't take him. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor. The Dead Collector: I can't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round? The Dead Collector: Thursday. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk. Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do? The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy. [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club] Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much. The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday. Large Man with Dead Body: Right.
Tim: There he is! King Arthur: Where? Tim: There! King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit? Tim: It *is* the rabbit! King Arthur: You silly sod! Tim: What? King Arthur: You got us all worked up! Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. King Arthur: Ohh. Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! Sir Galahad: Get stuffed! Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate. Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah? Sir Robin: You manky Scots git! Tim: I'm warning you! Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum? Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones! King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off! Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up! [after Bors is killed by the killer rabbit] Tim: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?
Knight 1: ...You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... WITH... A HERRING!
ALL from: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (So many quotes - so little time)
Joined: 12-March 07
From: My Battlefield!
Member No.: 45,405
Hannibal Lecter: You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI. Clarice Starling: You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.
I am love, I am hate, I'm an atheist with faith, Vent my anger with a smile
Joined: 27-September 06
From: I am from a place I will never see again.
Member No.: 41,464
Cpt. Nixon: Sobel's a genius. I had a headmaster in prep school who was just like him. I know the type. Richard Winters: Lew, Michaelangelo's a genius. Beethoven's a genius. Cpt. Nixon: You know a man in this company who wouldn't double-time Currahee with a full pack just to piss in that man's morning coffee?
Warren Muck: Right now, some lucky bastard's headed for the Pacific, get put on some tropical island, surrounded by six naked native girls, helping him cut up coconuts so he can hand feed them to the flamingos. Joe Domingus: Flamingos are mean. They bite. Wayne Sisk: So do the naked native girls. Frank Perconte: With any luck.
Richard Winters: That night, I thanked God for seeing me through that day of days and prayed I would make it through D plus 1. I also promised that if some way I could get home again, I would find a nice peaceful town and spend the rest of my life in peace.
Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: I'm gonna say something. George Luz: To who? Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Lieutenant Winters! Richard Winters: What is it? Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Permission to speak, sir. Richard Winters: Granted. Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Sir, we got 9 companies, sir. Richard Winters: We do. Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Well how come we're the only one marching every Friday night 12 miles full pack in the pitch dark. Richard Winters: Why do you think, Private Randleman? Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Lieutenant Sobel hates us, sir. Richard Winters: Lieutenant Sobel does not hate Easy Company, Private Randleman. He just hates you. Sgt. Denver 'Bull' Randleman: Thank you, sir.
Richard D. Winters: [real life interview with Winters where he quotes Mike Ranney on how he answered a question his grandson once asked him] I treasure my remark to a grandson who asked, "Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?" "No", I answered, "But I served in a company of heroes".
Joined: 10-November 06
Member No.: 42,735
"That looks like the [body part of a bear]... and the [other part]... [repeat with several other parts]... all attached to the body of a bear..." "That would be a bear." -Paraphrasing from the Japanese movie Udon.
Joined: 18-July 07
From: In a spinny chair,making myself sick from spinning
Member No.: 47,799
[Giselle and Scarlett are fighting] Jack Sparrow: Ladies! Will you please shut it? Listen to me. Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never been to Brussels. It is pronounced "egregious". By the way, no, I've never met Pizzaro but I love his pies. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy? [Giselle slaps Jack] Jack Sparrow: [Scarlett slaps Jack]
Jack Sparrow: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me? HAHAHA Pirates of the Caribbean!
I'd much rather to be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not:Andre Gide I do not own the avvy or siggy!
Joined: 7-May 07
Member No.: 46,559
Gender: Not Telling
from 'Farce of the Penguins':
Narrator: The older penguings know that it's just a matter of time until they call out... Old Penguin: I'm freezing my nuts off!! Narrator: Damn. The cold is making everybody crankier. Old Penguin: You have no idea what I'm going through! You're in a warm rcording studio, in LA, getting paid tons of money!! Narrator: Not enough. Old Penguin: I'm sure it's a respectable ammount. Narrator: Not. Enough. Old Penguin: I don't give sh*t, cause I'm freezing my nuts off!! Narrator: Stop complaining. It's where you chose to live. Old Penguin: Choose?! Are you an idiot?! Why would I choose to live in 80' below weather?! Narrator: May I continue? Old Penguin: How can I stop you?! You're in sunny California and I'm in Antartica, freezing my nuts off!! Narrator: May I continue? Old Penguin: Oooooowww!! *something thumps on ground* Narrator: What's wrong? Old Penguin: I told you, you son of a b*tch, but you just kept talking, and I froze my nuts off!! Narrator: Those aren't your nuts. Old Penguin: Yes they are! Narrator: You don't have nuts, just some kind of flipper thing you use as a penis. Old Penguin: You know what? F*ck you! Morgan Freeman has more talent than you in just a freckle on his ass!! Narrator: Thank you! Enjoy the polar winter, it's just starting, it shouldn't be so rough for you, you're very old and already frozen your nuts off, or whatever those things were since penguins don't have nuts! Old Penguin: F*********************ck yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!! Narrator: No, f*ck you, you nutless motherf*ck..! *clears throat* My bad...
Narrator: ... For some, it is too late. Juan Sanchez: I don't need the rest of those f*ckers! I have found good antartic skunk weed, and that skunk weed will help me find the treasure of Sierra Madre!! It is I, and I alone, Juan Sanchez, who will make this discovery, and then I will be famous!! Sure, they'll all be at home having sex with all the women, but I don't need no stinking women!! Narrator: Others are simply victims of the ever changing ecosystem. Lost penguin #1: Sh*t! Where did all the snow go?! It's f*cking global warming! This is bullsh*t! Guys, get over here! Lost penguin #2: Holy sh*t, there's no snow! Lost penguin #1: That's what I'm talking about, f*cking global warming! This is bullsh*t! Lost penguin #3: What's global warming? Lost penguin #1: What those f*ckers in the snow suits do to the planet! F*ck it up for all of us! Lost penguin #3: Yeah, but if it's warmer, isn't that better for us? Lost penguin #1: Yeah, it's better, but if it suddenly gets warmer and all the ice melts and we suddenly have to place to stay cause the f*cking world will need to stand in f*cking water! Lost penguin #3: Don't yell, you could start and avalanche! Lost penguin #1: With what?! There's no f*cking snow!! *wall of ice crumbles*
Carl: *bumps into penguin* Whoops, sorry. Marcus: Who you pushin' at, motherf*cker?! Carl: I didn't do it intentionally. Marcus: You pushin'me just cause I'm black?! Carl: Uh, no. I'm black too. Marcus: You sayin' we all look alike?! Jimmy: And white. Marcus: You want some of this?! Jimmy: Hey look kid, he didn't mean anything. Marcus: And what're you, his b*tch?! Carl: Well look, I'm really sorry if I offended you... Marcus: Offended?! By you two f*ckers?! How 'bout not give a sh*t about it?! Carl and Jimmy: *lower heads* Marcus: Awww, c'mon man, I'm just f*ckin' with ya!! We're gonna spend like three months together! I'm Marcus. Carl: Carl. *points head to Jimmy* Jimmy. Jimmy: Always cool to meet another brother. Marcus: I ain't your f*ckin' brother. Jimmy: *lowers head* Marcus: I'm just f*ckin' with ya again! You're so gullible, like a gull that is bull. *silence* Marcus: A'ight, I get it, cool.
For the moment, that is all... Hehe... For the moment. *glare*