HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI
full metal alchemist
full metal alchemist
 



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Back In Da Day, My CYOA fic O.o
nanayamiyugi
post Mar 27 2005, 11:44 AM
Post #1


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Second thought nevermind hehe.....um if you want to still read it go to this link:
http://animespiral.com/viewstory.php?sid=69798

BYE!


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hagane_no_tokage
post Mar 27 2005, 11:57 AM
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er...i think it woulnd't be so bad if it weren't for all the profanity. is it really necessary to imply bi+ch and say f-ing? i don't think so. it takes away from the read, IMO.

it's...a halfway decent start, but you seem a little wobbly with second-person present-tense grammar...


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I am the Cold Blooded Alchemist. Ph34r Me.
Read My Fics! :D

Auld Lang Syne...Shinkume...Tsuzureori...Tin Soldiers...Pegasus...The Space Between
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Guest_Why_do_fools_fall_in_love83_*
post Mar 27 2005, 01:34 PM
Post #3





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The last chapter wasn't bad,but you should have put detail in the other ones like you did for that one.It's turning out pretty good,just take your time!Okay!But all in all it's turning out pretty good happy.gif.

If you need someone to read over them e-mail me.

mookeymama@yahoo.com

Oh and one more thing,lower down on the cussing!Even though the first chapter had the most,it's just you used such strong words,lol.Keep up the good work!
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ed's secret ...
post Mar 27 2005, 02:32 PM
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I didn't read ,but it said that you're 11 years old right? Well, I'm 11 years old and I have writer's block too and I don't present that as an excuse to write badly. Not that I know that you're writing badly because I didn't read it but, I'm just saying. You know..............
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